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Posted at 3:47 PM ET, 03/ 8/2011

Why are there dead fish in Redondo Beach?

By Alexandra Petri

Remember the birds plummeting from the sky in Arkansas? Now there are literally millions of dead fish filling King Harbor Marina in Redondo Beach, California. Officials are blaming oxygen depletion. But here are some better explanations:

  • Charlie Sheen did this. With his mind. In a nanosecond.

  • Second stage of Countdown to Mayan Apocalypse 2012.

  • Fish agreed to suicide pact to protest Lindsay Lohan overexposure.

  • Starbucks 40th birthday celebrations already going terribly awry.

  • Vice President Biden refused to stop talking to fish.

  • Jesus has returned, is visiting Atlantis first for Repeat Miracle tour. Look for loaves washing ashore next week.

  • Sarah Palin went into berserker rage, has no recollection of past few days.

By Alexandra Petri  | March 8, 2011; 3:47 PM ET
Categories:  Petri, Top Lists  | Tags:  dead fish, lists, oops  
Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   StumbleUpon   Technorati   Google Buzz   Previous: Before limiting college students' voting rights, stop old people!
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How could anyone find humor in this? It's beyond sick, it's idiotic. Since Red Tide was ruled out by fish and game, there is a something really serious going on to cause nearly all oxygen to be deprived of a wide area of ocean. This happened so fast fish could not out-swim it and literally killed millions almost instantly. Without oxygen, sea water chemistry changes and can have toxic, lethal levels to humans. Still laughing?

Posted by: aphilsmith | March 8, 2011 7:10 PM | Report abuse

I agree aphilsmith. I see no humor whatso ever in this about a lame try at being funny...can you say bomb??? Stupidity at its finest.

Posted by: bertzel | March 8, 2011 7:34 PM | Report abuse

A few other possibilities:

► The fish laughed themselves to death reading ComPost columns.

► The fish killed themselves after reading ComPost comments from people with no sense of humor.

► They packed themselves into the harbor like sardines and used up all the oxygen in the water. (Oh, they WERE sardines?)

► They'd rather die than end up as a pizza topping that nobody likes. (There were anchovies too.)

► They martyred themselves in the name of religion. (Holy mackerel!)

► Charlie Sheen dumped his drugs into the bay to try to stay clean.

► They got dirty from water pollution and decided to wash up on the shore.

► They were lured into the harbor by Jennifer Mee and died from the hiccups.

If you think Petri is insensitive to these poor, little bait fish, she's even worse in her Jennifer Mee column!

Posted by: divtune | March 8, 2011 8:42 PM | Report abuse

Why are there dead fish in Redondo Beach?
LoL Maybe Calfornexico should quit screwing with mother nature and let nature take it's course to right all the wrongs that Californemexico believes to be caused by man. After all it seems like they have the problem with everything thats known to cause cancer in California, the rest of the country is fine with life like it is.

Posted by: jhnjdy | March 8, 2011 9:40 PM | Report abuse

They attempted Darwin's 'fin' to legs approach .... and the rest is history.
That or Jessica Alba was 'tanning'.

Posted by: deepthroat21 | March 9, 2011 8:53 AM | Report abuse

It's not funny Alexandra. Not funny at all.

Posted by: ebmeyer | March 9, 2011 9:14 AM | Report abuse

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