Bonita, this is too much work. We read and comment on crowd noise because we don't WANT to work.

Now you want us to come up with eight different tailgate activities

How about a group effort? I think we should come up with a good guest tailgater for each week.

I'll start it, but someone else has to finish it. I'm not at work to work, people.

Game 1: New Orleans: The Blacks - the displaced hurricane Katrina family from Curb Your Enthusiasm
Game 2: Arizona Cardinals: How about Arizona's own John McCain? See if he can steal Prince George's county from Obama...(yeah right).

That's all I got. Someone else do the next 6.

Got to say, love your irreverence towards the Post. As someone who made his entire career annoying the heck out of Corporate, Executive, Senior, and Royal Vice Presidents, I applaud your testicular fortitude. I guess it's not that much of a risk. Everyone knows newspapers are dead and it's the bloggers who shall inherit the Earth.

I can only speak for the cities I've lived in...

For San Francisco, the tailgate has to be hot dogs and mussels. With a glass of Chardonnay.

For Seattle, you can eat anything your host brings, but you have to tell someone at the party that you wished the host had brought something different. Under no circumstances are you to confront your host directly.

For DC, you just have to be righteously indignant that your host offended your sensibilities about something, be it meat if you're a veggie, veggies if you're a carnivore, oppression of children in Uganda if you have nothing else to fall back on.

Sadly, London, Paris, and Sydney don't have expansion teams. Yet.

Heath, you know I still have the game-worn jersey you autographed for me back in 1993. Naturally, there isn't a stain on it, but I still do appreciate the time you took to sign it for me.

One question, though: I thought your name was spelled S-H-U-L-E-R, not F-R-E-R-O-T-T-E. What gives?

I think Baltimore is an away game. I will be serving crow.

"Then last year, we ate by theme: ... Chicago-style pizza against the Bears ...."

Mmmmmmm ... congealed cheese. We were so cold tailgating at the Chicago game that we had to keep the beers in the cooler to keep them from freezing!

Philly away ... the parking lot will be full of jerky ... and food too ....

November 3 vs Pittsburgh:

Tricky to pull off in a parking lot, sure, but how about a gigantic messy sandwich stuffed with a dozen ingredients, including the crucial one, French fries, a la Primanti Bros? http://i114.photobucket.com/albums/n265/toddablaze/primanti.jpg

Wash it down with a sixer of Iron City and a dozen Tums, you'll be good to go.

And by "good to go," I mean spending most of the game enjoying the FedEx restrooms.

Applebaum is seriously the perfect woman. My buddies and I have been striving to do this for years:

New York Giants NY style Pizza
New Orleans Saints give mah' some gumbo suggah'
Arizona Cardinals- Sand...witches and cactus juce.
Dallas Cowboys - Steak and BBQ maybe, Texas Chili, its Texas so get fat.
Philadelphia Eagles- Yo Jim gimi' ah Steak wit wiz
St. Louis Rams - More BBQ but this time ribs
Cleveland Browns - I don't think they have a distinct dish. We could cannibalize Drew Carry?
Detroit Lions- Drink pure alcohol its the nearest thing to drinking gas
Pittsburgh Steelers- get yourself a Rothlesburger, seriously I have been told Pitt has great Italian food.
Seattle Seahawks- Some fresh Alaskan Salmon from the sound. Ask Nate in the PDX or Ditty to grab us some.
Baltimore Ravens- Crab cakes hon'
Cincinnati Bengals- What the players get in jail Bread and Water.
San Francisco 49ers Riceroni! The San Francisco treat, Ding Ding!

No way, I have far less desire to work at work than the Representative from North Carolina. Also, I'm a foodie.

Think of the great athletes who have made it in politics: A Hall of Fame QB and WR(I really wanted them to run on the same ticket for President, how awesome would the Kemp-Largent connection have been!), a Hall of Fame Basketball star, a former Mr. Olympia and a WWF legend (okay, not an athlete, I'll bite). Why couldn't we have gotten Peyton Manning out of Tennessee instead.

Okay, menus:

N.O: Catfish poboys, carnvial rice and my all time favorite Bananas Foster. My friend's stepfather makes an excellent turkey jambalaya, but they live in N.O. still, so no dice on that.

Arizona: I think with the lack of uniquely dessert food and my dislike for braised scorpion, I'm going to go the other way here and suggest a nice north atlantic wild salmon with some fresh asparagus from the lush regions of Northern California and maybe some wild rice with dried cranberries. For dessert, I'm thinking of a nice mixed berry pie. A whole bunch of things you can't get in Arizona. We can also drink copious amounts of water.

St. Louis: THE date for ribs. You can't beat good ribs. Ribs and concretes (the original "Dairy Queen Blizzard"). Good ice cream in that part of the country.

Cleveland: Let's see, I don't know much about Cleveland, so...turkey legs (browned on the outside), stuffing, wilted spinach and bread pudding. Trying to get a brown theme here.

Pittsburgh: So you almost have to say kilbasa here because it's such a Pittsburgh thing, but I'm going to go another route and say VERY rare filets, cooked "Pittsburgh." They also have good rice pudding and chocolate cake.

Dallas: I suppose a cow dung sandwich is not all that appetizing, but at least we can go with Mince Meat Pie. We also need slurpees because you need something that sucks!

N.Y: Well, I do like steak, and aside from our friends from Texas, I can't refuse an opportunity for steak, so let's go with a N.Y. Strip, a nice tomato basil pasta (in honour of Little Italy) and a cheesecake for dessert.

Philadelphia: Do they cook anything other than cheesesteaks in Philly? I guess to be different, we can go with a chicken philly with eggs and scrapple. If you've ever driven in Pennsylvania, you'll need something rocky road for dessert.

Alright, that's all I got, back to work.

October 19 vs Cleveland

brown rice, hash browns, brown bread, Newcastle brown ale, Apple Brown Betty, brownies, and the "original hot brown":
http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Original-Hot-Brown/Detail.aspx

All prepared by celebrity tailgate chef Alton Brown.

Nate. That is the smartest changeup I have seen. A theam based on the team over food based on the city.

Definitely grillin' fish for any Dolphins game.

Is the bald eagle still on the protected list?

I try to stay original, Alex.

I try to stay original, Alex.

Posted by: Nate in the PDX | July 16, 2008 4:31 PM

Anyone understand the irony of this statement?

I know one person that does, but he may not appreciate it.

Douchebag.

I do get it. would that be a redskins inside r joke? And I think bald eagles are no longer endangerd or protected.

Cant you eat a can of tuna for a Fins game? It has dolphin in it.

I should have gon Rack of Lamb for the Rams game.

Dude.

Please stop attributing your comments to my nickname. Whatever point you're trying to make has been made. Whatever lesson you've tried to teach me has been taught.

I don't know what I did to piss you off, but I'm sorry for it. Good grief, am I sorry. This stuff is driving me nuts. You're doing it on other blogs now, not just RI. Come on, dude, you gotta cut it out.

I would love to work out whatever the problem is, settle whatever beef you have with me. Seriously. Send me an email at nateinthepdx at gmail dot come, let's work it out. Let's talk. Please. Please.

...gmail dot COM. Ugly, unfortunate misspelling.

Dmanit I did not realize that I was getting hoodwinked.

I would like to dub all Redskin Insider Reg's who are now Crowd Noise regs with the oficial acronim of RICN's.

And so let it be written.

Not trying to teach any lessons. Not trying to prove any points. Do not even have any beefs.

No need to apologize. I actually think that you are one of the good guys. You have done nothing wrong. I am not mad. Just being a little creative and having fun (you have to admit "I try to stay original" is darn funny). Some of it worked and some did not.

All that being said, I do feel bad that this has got you so upset. This has run its course so I will no longer post with the moniker "Nate in the PDX."

I look forward to blogging with you on another handle.

Side note: Unfortunately, I spawned copycat "Nate in the PDX" posters. I cannot stop them. Just know that I tried to be funny and innovative. I was never mean or attacking and I certainly never made a "PMS" post.

Dude, I appreciate it. Thanks.

And I honestly hope you partake in the conversation with your "own" handle, though I suspect maybe you've been doing that all along -- that will have to be a happy mystery.

The "PMS" posts are no big deal, that's par for the course in a forum like this, chRIs LarRY hating type stuff, annoying but completely different than posting with someone's nickname. And I never thought those were coming from the same source as the difficult-to-spot spoofs.

I tip my hat to you again for the verisimilitude achieved in your best work under "my" name. Scary stuff, truly creepy, but also kind of impressive.

E-5

Lindsay - you're just funny. Now, work on the drinking.

-Hic

I promise - one of these days, I will get around to finishing the masterwork, "Ode to Peach Blossom".

Wait a minute...earlier, Bonita Appleblog said she was 35 with 12 children. I'm starting to think that, occasionally, people strategically misrepresent themselves on the Internet.

Actually, Lindemann, I said I was 38. And I should clarify that four of those 12 children are actually cats. I should also clarify that you should never believe anything I say.

Contest Idea : Most outlandish Brett Favre trade scenario (rumors about him coming to DC are out there)

Farve is traded to the Milwaukee Brewers only to be traded to an AF2 team after a failed attempts as a closer.

I am going 16 deep, since were dreaming lets hit the road games.

1. Giants:

Commandeer either a Hebrew National or Nathan's Hot dog cart. Fill it with questionable water and buy kraut in bulk. Drinks: Colt 45.

2. Saints:

Crawfish Boil. Card tables with trash bags taped down to dump out the boil. Drink: Hurricanes.

3. Cardinals:

Fahitas. Fire up the grill marinate chx/steak in lime garlic mix. Get top notch tortillas. Drink: Tecate.

4. F Dallas:

This is a free week. Pic your normal fave. Drink: Everclear and kool aid so to better be ready to fight.

5. Eagles:

This is where u break out the snobbiest yuppie food just to throw it in the face of these blue collar bozos. Tomato basil soup with tapas on crustini. Drink: The most exspensive Pinot Grigio you can steal.

6. Rams:

Load up the Webber Bullet smoker. Set up 2 days early and get about 4 pigs worth of st. louis cut ribs. Dry rub with apple cider vinergar, followed by mop mix, with a kick azz homemade red bbq sauce. Drink: Budweiser tall boy king cans.

7. Browns:

Ok so closet were getting to wisconsin/Ill. so Brats time. Make your own brown mustard. Drink: whiskey in flask.

8. Lions:

Combine this with great lakes fishing trip. Grill up fresh catch. Drink: Guiness keg....maybe not obvious but looks and has the viscosity of oil, toast to the demise of fossil fuels and matt millen.

9. Steelers:

For a Homegame, so time to try our hands at Primanti Brothers sandwhich. We did this a few years back for their superbowl and it was fun and good. Drink: Iron City Beer

10. Cowboys:

Skip food. Liquid tailgate. Drink: Whatever is handy.

11. Seahawks:

Salmon Burgers with waffle fries. Drink: Some local micro brew.

12. Giants:

Convince your coke head friend (yes you have one)that it would be amazing if he/she drove to NYC saturday night and returned in time for tailgate with 50 Patsy Grimaldi's pies. Drink: Brooklyn Lager.

13. Ravens:

Break out the mallets! All you can eat blue crab pick! Drink: The Raven Special Brew.

14. Bengals:

Bread and water.

15. Eagles:

Our take on cheese steak with slow cooked brisket for the beef. Drink: Yuengling.

16. 49ers:

Were celebrating our home field advantage in upcoming playoffs! Hire the hottest chef in the Nappa Valley, about 20 cases of the years best local vintages and rent a tent and event servers!

Alright, thats all I got!

My 8-year-old assistant works 14 hours a day on a salary of 30 Air Heads per week

Now that one made me laugh

Ohhhh. I've been skewered by the rapier-like wit of the mighty Linds. My 8 year old assistant hahahahaha. Of course your 8 year old assistant is probably a better writer and certainly a better thinker.

Who can't take criticism? You made a terrible editorial judgement. Never feed a troll especially an boring, single-minded one.

... And I should clarify that four of those 12 children are actually cats. ...

Posted by: Bonita | July 16, 2008 7:10 PM

... and the other eight are made out of dried noodles and pipe cleaners.

CL,
I see you and I agree on bread and water for Cincinati.

You need to stop by G20 during the season. I make a different menu for each game but we have 2 constants, my WashingtonPost featured Ribs and funnel cakes for dessert