The List: Proof That China Is Cheating

There's been plenty of speculation in recent weeks that at least five of China's female gymnasts are underage, with media reports and online records suggesting that the ages were changed on official documents.


He Kexin: "Will you babysit me?" (AP Photo)

Is China playing dirty? Is the IOC not doing its part to investigate? Should the Chinese gymnasts be stripped of their gold medals?

Eh, I guess. Whatever.

Those things are all secondary, in my opinion, to one major issue, which is that China must think we're all very dense. I mean, just look at these kids and tell me with a straight face that they're all the minimum age of 16.

A real journalist would never flat-out accuse China of falsifying documents without real evidence. It's a good thing I'm just a blogger then, because I'll say it: They're lying, and my intelligence has never been so insulted.

You want proof? You got it. Here are just a few of my reasons:

1. The Chinese locker rooms are equipped with changing tables.
2. China's practice equipment is from Fisher Price.
3. Michael Phelps's breakfast weighs more than He Kexin.
4. Deng Linlin thinks her gold medal was a present from the Tooth Fairy.

Add your own in the comments below.


By Lindsay Applebaum |  August 22, 2008; 3:39 PM ET  | Category:  Olympics
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Comments

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Lindsay, I've also just learned that their uniforms were supplied by OshKosh B'Gosh?

Posted by: Papa Smurf | August 22, 2008 3:44 PM

I am even more of a fake journalist as a former web video news reporter. But even I can make up a good source on this. Like Sports Illustrated.
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/olympics/2008/08/14/underage.gymnasts/index.html

Posted by: Alex35332 | August 22, 2008 4:11 PM

Easy. Ask the kids if they've made any Nike shoes in the past year. Nike doesn't employ anyone over 12.

Any opinion on the reports that Michael Phelps was spotted making out with Aussie gold medalist Stephanie Rice?

Posted by: P Diddy | August 22, 2008 4:13 PM

P. There are over 50,000 condoms left at Olympic village for the athletes to use, at least thats the last count I heard. Pheleps need to get back to work.

Posted by: Alex35332 | August 22, 2008 4:20 PM

I should fly to Beijing to help out.

Posted by: P Diddy | August 22, 2008 4:29 PM

Now you fling Ditty Style or is that domestic travel only?

Posted by: Alex35332 | August 22, 2008 4:30 PM

Domestic only, and only when I bum rides off friends. My latest thing is trying to use up all 2.8M of my United miles before United goes belly up as an airline.

Posted by: P Diddy | August 22, 2008 4:34 PM

1. Confounded by the increasingly large chunks in their jars of pureed food

2. Have yet to feel the urge to read, "Are You There Mao? It's Me, Ling"

3. Not at all turned on by the volleyball scene in "Top Gun"

Posted by: Tofudebeast | August 22, 2008 5:06 PM

great post Bonita!

Posted by: chrIS lArry | August 23, 2008 2:14 AM

My daughters Ballerina Barbie has that same outfit... same size too

Posted by: Jim | August 23, 2008 3:58 AM

When the Chinese win gold medals, they claw furiously at them to try to remove the foil wrapping and reveal the chocolate within.

Posted by: Lindemann | August 23, 2008 6:51 AM

"You just won an Olympic gold medal. What are you going to do next?"

"Juice and cookies, then naptime. If we're all good, we get a story."

Posted by: Lindemann | August 23, 2008 12:50 PM

Poor Americans !

Posted by: Banfield | August 23, 2008 3:33 PM

5. Chairman Mao would sleep with each of them.

Posted by: Historian | August 23, 2008 4:02 PM

"2. Have yet to feel the urge to read, "Are You There Mao? It's Me, Ling"

This is really funny and should win, BTW.

Posted by: Lindemann | August 23, 2008 6:31 PM

COnfuse when their warm-up suits had the feet cut out of them.

Posted by: DB | August 25, 2008 8:57 AM

I think I'm going to need time to come up with something even worth being in the same thread as "Are You There Mao? It's me Ling." I do need to say that I've been thinking the same thing throughout the Olympics. Thanks for this posting because I have been offended that they thought we would believe things from the scripted opening ceremony remarks to the Chinese gymnasts to the scripted closing ceremony remarks.

Your Columnist colleagues have done a pretty good job on their return home and now I expect to read a few good articles about what it was like.

Posted by: Andy | August 25, 2008 2:09 PM

Here is real proof (not a joke)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7PEMGuA6tw

Posted by: Chun | August 25, 2008 8:22 PM

I thought Andy wrote "your Communist colleagues" I mean a few days in china and you do get brain washed right?

Posted by: alex35332 | August 25, 2008 10:11 PM

Chun, great link but most people will not know what that is. No way that Lindsay knows.

Posted by: Paul C. | August 26, 2008 11:49 AM

I am roughly the same age as LA. Thats before our time I think, though I have seen the commercial in the past and know the history well kinda.

Posted by: Alex35332 | August 26, 2008 4:08 PM

Ah, fiddlesticks. I'm out of beer.

Posted by: P Diddy | August 26, 2008 11:52 PM

Out of beer? Drink mine....urine... it look like beer!!!

Posted by: Life | August 27, 2008 9:16 AM

Lessee 'tells' that the Chinese aesthetic athletes are underaege:

* The inflatable wings on the divers
* Gold Medals carried in a 'Dukes of Hazzard' lunchbox.
* Instead of gatorade, they use pixie stix

Posted by: The AMAZING Dik Shuttle of the Fabulous ShuttleLOUNGE | August 27, 2008 2:18 PM

Lindsay, you're a typical half witted numbskull representitive of the typical american arrogance from the inability to accept lost. Instead of focusing in as to why the US team did so poorly, folks like you want to push the blame elsewhere. Laugh and poke gun all you want it doesn't matter, you at some point in your life or someone very close to you will experience the very same injustice that you poke fun off at the expense of people you don't even know. What comes around goes around, it always happens that way.

Posted by: Chucky | August 28, 2008 8:42 PM

Yo Chucky, carm down.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 28, 2008 10:03 PM

lol..I am calm. It is bothersome when americans in this country can't stand by the very values that US stand for. What happened to "Persumption of Innocence". Oh, not applicable out of the US? Great, then lets not pretend to be so damn high on ourselves and expect every other country in the world to share the same values as the US on "human rights". Otherwise, extend the same courtesy to every human being out there.

Posted by: Chucky | August 28, 2008 10:39 PM

Hey, uh, chuck. When our atheletes get caught cheating, we denounce them.

China actually sanctioned the cheating. And the evidence is there - so I don't know what you mean about 'presumed innocence' That's for legal issues, not court of public opinion.

I don't think anyone is complaining about the medals that were won fairly (men's gymnastics, etc.). But the age limit violations and the trumped up scores were a bitter pill to swallow.

I'm disappointed more countries were not vocal about their disbelief.

The rest of the world hating us is nothing new. We're used to it. That doesn't make cheating ok.

Posted by: Dik | August 29, 2008 10:38 AM

Chucky give it a break. If one of them looked young you might have a point but take a look at the pics of the 16 year olds on the podium next to the chinese and tell me with a straight face you don't see it.

Posted by: If it walks like a duck... | August 29, 2008 4:13 PM

Even besides how they look, there's ample evidence that their passports were doctored. There are records of the atheletes age being younger before the games...

Posted by: Dik | August 29, 2008 7:47 PM

Dik and Ducky: I am not going to argue on opininons but rather on facts. You say records, where? Official records kept by the government and by newspaper? I can't tell how many times records kept by my own city agencies in the US are messed up. But there is can only be one Birth Certificate. 16 year old birth certificates should look 16 yr old, so I hope it will be exmained carefully by the IOC. "Sanctioned by the government", on what basis are you making that statement by? Comparing age between countries by looks, this one makes me laugh. Don't start comparing how kids look from one country to another, this just shows your ignorance. Look at the japanese if you want to compare, they would be a good comparison, they looks as young as the chinese, as this is common with girls from that region. Hell, compared the looks of a typical 50 yr old women from asia with those in US, the US women will always look older. That is not a slight at the women of US, it is just that there are cultural differences in diet and approach to life. People in asian countries don't spend alot of time in the sun purposely for skin color. I am not getting on the US or anyone here, other than don't throw words out there. Give me the proof, the physical evidence. Just don't be so tunnel visioned from all the bias created by misinformed or not authentic sources.

Posted by: Chucky | August 29, 2008 9:14 PM

By the way, have you folks not learned anything from the Duke Lacrosse case? Everything looked bad based early on and look how it turned out.

Posted by: Chucky | August 29, 2008 9:16 PM

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