I Choose Wisely (My Night With Vikings Fans)
Saturday night, I had a special spot in Kevin Harvick's pits during the NASCAR race. But I was tired from passing out cheese and craft beer in the sun for hours Saturday afternoon, and the noise hurt my 'Eers, and I was worried about traffic, and so I left early. Well, naturally, Harvick won the race, and I missed what would have been a joyous time in Harvick-land.
Monday night, I was locked out of FedEx, and so I came to Viking-land here in Crystal City, and the Purple Things won. I got to hear the cheesy Vikings victory song multiple times, I got several pats on the shoulder from fans who mistook my role as an impartial observer, and the Stars and Stripes proprietors attempted to comp me on my bill, an offer which I repeatedly and vociferously refused. But still, I chose wisely, in terms of celebratory locales. Although I certainly took no joy in this result, being an impartial observer and all. In fact, for much of the night I was more focused on my Chili Cheese Fries, ordered Sans Cheese, leaving me with Fries just drenched in Gooey Cheese. I pulled myself together enough to write down what some Vikings fans said after the last bit of singing and dancing:
"I have a feeling this is going to be a long season," Alan Page No. 2 said. "[But] it's great, it's almost as great as beating the Packers. Not quite, but we'll take it. The amount of crap you take at work is sort of outrageous if you lose."
"Oh, it'll be quiet at work tomorrow," Stan Stewart said. "I won't have to say a lot."
"I'm going to make a point not to say anything tomorrow," Rusty O'Brien said. "Was there a game last night?"
"Take the high road," Tony Wysocki said.
"We've learned to win with humility because it happens so infrequently," Keith Hans said.
"Some guy does owe me lunch, though," Stewart said.
"On talk radio they were talking for weeks about Portis's shoulder; they skipped over the Vikings and started talking about Dallas," Jake Maruska said. "Generally I drive home and listen to music, but I'm going to drive home and listen to them whimper."
September 11, 2006; 10:37 PM ET
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