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That's what the Barra Brava fans were screaming during last night's D.C. United mini-golf tournament when defender and Cosmo hot bachelor Bobby Boswell showed up.

(Yeah, mini-golf tournament. I'll get to that later. Suffice it to say, the event involved 11 professional soccer players, many fans with tattoos, at least two people who read the Bog every day, a fairly robust number of cigars, a soccer-style chant involving the word "Beer Man," two Hogettes in full regalia, and a lot of truly terrible mini-golfing, from professional soccer players and fans alike.)

Anyhow, D.C. United has been hot and cold on the pitch of late, but these guys are apparently hot hot hot off the field. You'll recall that Matt Nickell was in People's Hottest Bachelors issue this summer, telling the mag that the ladies love his "good smile, sense of humor and small-town charm." So I figured the natural question was, who's hotter, Boz or Nickell?

"It was back and forth with those two, kind of like an unspoken competition of who's better looking," defender Bryan Namoff said.

"Bobby put more effort into [the magazine shoot, see below]; I'm not going to judge them on looks, though," reserve goalie Ryan McIntosh said.

"I have no opinion, but Alecko Eskandarian ranked his top five today and Bobby was No. 3 or 4," midfielder Justin Moose said.

This seemed interesting to me--professional soccer players judging which of their teammates were the best looking--so later on I confronted Esky about Boswell's Cosmo-approved hotness. In an unusual turn of events, the usually shy and reserved Esky had something to say.

Esky: See, I don't want to seem like a hater, because I'm really happy, I'm supportive of my teammate. But...I really don't know how the hell it happened. Because I was going through it today, and I voted [Boz] fourth best looking on the team. My vote would have gone to Devon McTavish. I think Devon's a good-looking dude, and I'm comfortable saying that. My vote was Devon No. 1, Matt Nickell No. 2, Jaime Moreno No. 3, Bobby No. 4, Ben Olsen No. 5. That was my top 5. And everyone agreed with my picks--I took some input from everyone else, too. But good for him, I'm happy for him and I really hope he wins it because it's great for him. He does really well with the ladies, I can definitely attest to that; I've been his wingman on more than a few occasions.

[Bobby appears]

Esky: You heard about how I came up with the best looking guys on the team?

Bobby: Yup. I know he does this, he likes to rate men. I don't know, it's kind of a weird thing...but he does it a lot, he rates men on our team and men in the league.

Esky: Really?

Me: Well, he has you No. 4 on your team.

Bobby: Four on the team? Who's ahead of me.

Esky: I have Devon No. 1, Matt Nickell No. 2, Jaime No. 3, you at No. 4, Ben Olsen at No. 5. I mean, that's not bad at all. [apologetically]

Bobby: That's one man's opinion.

Esky: It was actually everyone's on the team.

Bobby: He says everyone on the team--I don't know anyone else that's heard this.

[Nickell appears]

Esky: Nickell, you were there when I did the vote for best looking guys on the team this morning.

Matt Nickell: Bobby was only....were you in the top 5?

Esky: He was No. 4.

Bobby: Who else was there for this vote?

Matt Nickell: No one, Esky just picked.

Bobby: Oh, so it was just Esky. [To me] Just so you know.

Esky: But no one, like, objected to it. No one objected.

Bobby: [to Matt Nickell] That's cause you don't rate guys, right?

Matt Nickell: You're No. 1 in my eyes.

Bobby: You don't rate guys?

Matt Nickell: I rate you, Bobby, I rate you.

Later, Esky tried to tell me that Boz's nickname was "Creepy Eyes," but I figured I'd let that one go.

Anyhow, various other teammates had fun with the whole Cosmo thing (Namoff: As soon as the game's over [Boz] is the first one in front of the mirror, with his retro t-shirts and his hair perfectly waxed....He's very unique in his style. I don't know what kind of style it is."), but Bobby obviously is having fun with it too, as seen here.

By Dan Steinberg  |  October 11, 2006; 1:23 PM ET
Categories:  D.C. United  
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Next: Professional Soccer Player Plays Fast and Loose With Mini Golf Rules

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