Kwame Brown Copies Actual NBA Players

That Kwame. Can't leave well enough alone. Sure, he's off to a nice enough start, averaging 5.7 points and 6.0 rebounds per game, but now he's stealing actual NBA maneuvers from his former teammates.

See, Caron Butler and Antonio Daniels had some sort of complex hand-slapping ritual they devised themselves. (Sorta like Bobby Knight dreaming up various face-slapping rituals, but a little different.) So A.D. turned on the TV yesterday, and what did he see? Kwame and Kobe doing the exact same ritual during their win over the Bulls. This was nothing short of theft mixed with espionage mixed with a brutal lack of originality.

"Maybe we've got a secret camera in the locker room or something," Daniels said. "I don't know how they found out about it. But life goes on, you know?"

(As for how we found out about it, credit WRC-TV super-sleuth Phil Orban, who heard about this handshaking fiasco. In Internet land, it's ok to rip off other people as long as you credit them.)

Anyhow, A.D. and Caron, to their credit, will not continue to perform this ritual now that it's been sullied by those West Coasters.

"We've got to come up with something different," Daniels said. "Me and Caron, we've got to go back to the laboratory and come up with something a little different."

While you never really want to hear about pro athletes entering the laboratory, I took this as a good sign. Perhaps stupidly, I then asked A.D. if he could sort of explain for us the exact nature of the stolen handshake.

"No," he said. "I mean, I could tell you. But then I'd have to kill you, you know?"