Nick Rimando Hunt: Esky's Advice
A source close to Rimando reports that three cars have been tailing Nicky around town today. This could be a pretty short game. The source claims that Nicky lost one of the cars after a brief conversation at a traffic light. Still, I'm not feeling too good about Nick's chances.
Edit: I just talked to my partner. I shouldn't have doubted him. He's onto Nick, along with at least one other player and another unidentified party. They've followed Nicky around Northern Virginia all morning. "He's gonna need some help," my partner said of Nicky. "He went through some really back neighborhoods in [city redacted], and we were able to keep up with him. He's well aware of which cars are on his tail. He smiled and waved at two of the three of us."
There are some more interesting details that I can't provide right now, for security reasons.
Anyhow, as part of my intel, I called D.C. United forward Alecko Eskandarian, who's up in Jersey but was happy to provide advice on finding Nick.
"Oh, it's actually pretty easy," Esky said. "Right off the bat I can think of like five different things. Number one would be Chipotle; he's obviously not the skinniest guy in the world, and he likes Mexican food."
[Whoa! No wonder he was so excited by the Chipotle giveaway last night!]
"The number two spot would definitely be tasting wine and cheese with Ben Olsen. They're like, trying to be high-class. Since Ben's getting married next week and Nick got married last year, they can't really go out like they used to. So now their new thing is to go get wine and cheese and spend 500 bucks. I don't think anyone knows where; maybe the married guys.
"What else. A punk rock concert, maybe? He's into that.
What else does he do. The dog park, he's got dogs. I think he loves his dogs more than his own family. He's the only person I've ever met who throws, like, anniversary and birthday parties for his dogs. What else, oh, maybe a women's soccer game. His wife, Jacqui, obviously played, and any time I've had a female friend who plays soccer, any time I go to a game Nick is always there."
We'll add all this to the dossier. Incidentally, Esky said some guys used to play this game in Nicky's back yard called "Commando Run" or something like that [SEKim, no double entendres here, please], in which they'd have to run from one end of the yard to the other without getting shot with a paintball. Esky's speculating that Nick might be carrying his paintball guns with him today.
Finally, I asked Esky if he would be any good at avoiding water gun snipers.
"Oh, I'd be sick at that game," he said. "There's no way anybody would find me. I have old Halloween costumes, I would wear a wig. I would go so incognito, no one would ever know."
And what about at chasing down a human target?
"Definitely," he said. "I grew up in Northern Jersey. I've got one word for you: Sopranos. I've got friends who do that for a living."
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