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Bog Poetry Slam

Just in case you've missed this.....

Haiku Man, a legendary poster from the LaCa blog, shows up last week talking his usual junk:

Know Skins' season done
When I read 'bout pucks, soccer
Must expand sports mind.

I think this is just great, and I'll do anything in my power to keep HM coming back, but I do worry that the sports-haiku-written-on-web-column shtick is a little played-out. Tuesday Morning Quarterback, for example, has made a living off the form for six years, even writing his NFL previews in all-haiku and quoting his first haiku thus:

On Brett Favre's helmet
beer falls, and the cup crumples.
Sideline in autumn.
-- TMQ, 2000

And then there's John Canzano, the Portland Oregonian columnist and blogger, who has hauled himself up onto the haiku train, for example, holding a Mullet Haiku contest, and warming contestants up with suggestions like this:

Is it a dude or a chick
supercuts $7
You can't tell from the back

And then, just this month, the marvelously original-thinking BigLead folks lapse into haiku-ese, with an homage to Zach Randolph. They screwed up the form a bit, and used a bad word, but luckily a commenter fixed things:

Zach Randolph: he has
your back, especially when
you don't want him to.

So my point, which I made to Haiku Man, was that as cool as all this is, he might want to spread his poetry wings a bit and leave a more unique mark on the Internets:

Nice Skins haiku dude
But wanna really impress?
Gimme Skins sonnets.

And happily, Chest Rockwell then stepped to the plate, dropping rhymes. Near as I can tell, he chose to go with a Shakespearean sonnet, of the rhyming form "abab cdcd efef gg." He got the rhymes just swell, and it's pretty good stuff, but he didn't even attempt to approach iambic pentameter until the closing couplet, which was severely disappointing:

1st down and three to go
Score and the season stays alive
Give the ball to Betts? No!
Three mistakes, waste another drive

Eleven more penalties
And a poor red zone offense
D.C. is now ill at ease
4 and 9, ladies and gents

Start planning for next year
Hope Campbell keeps improving
Forget this loss with beer
Ignore that whole "playoffs" thing

At least our other teams are not at nil
Just remember Gomez, Alex, and Gil.

So, needless to say, I'm now moved to request an actual Skins sonnet, or one for any other local team, frankly. I still have all those random t-shirts that I'm willing to give to anyone who produces an actual sonnet. Sonnet fan Etan Thomas is welcome to enter. Actually, maybe this sonnet thing is too hard. I need some poetry form that's as easy as a haiku, but not a haiku. Suggestions welcome.

By Dan Steinberg  |  December 11, 2006; 8:07 AM ET
Categories:  Redskins  
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Comments

Sorry chest, that is not a real sonnet. While it has the appropriate rhyme pattern, it is not in iambic pentameter. You fail.

Posted by: FS | December 11, 2006 9:08 AM | Report abuse

My entry submitted, smugness ensues
Finally, my English major employed
I only sent Dan one copy (not two)
Sure, it's not Shakespeare (or even Tolstoy)
I wrote about football and winning teams
I wrote in iambic pentameter
No, not the Skins, that's just in your dreams
I wrote about United, hah! So there.

Posted by: Bryan76 | December 11, 2006 11:16 AM | Report abuse

Yeah, I sent in a recap of the Caps game from saturday and a preview of tonight, all in sonnet form.

Posted by: FS | December 11, 2006 11:43 AM | Report abuse

All the poetry I know comes from song lyrics, so here's one that The Beach Boys wrote about the 'Skins.

Give it up, give it up, four-and-nine

Posted by: Dave Lifton | December 11, 2006 3:32 PM | Report abuse

Iambic pentameter is for jerks.

Actually, Dan got it dead on: I just didn't attempt it at all. However, as a one-time English major, I feel I can defend this a little bit. If E.E. Cummings can just throw all rules of grammar out the window, I can ignore the conventions of 500 years ago.

Posted by: Chest Rockwell | December 11, 2006 5:34 PM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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