Chris Cooley's Dad Signs Girls' Body Parts
I completely blame all of you for not telling me that these DC101 interviews with Chris Cooley have been archived on Eliott's DC101 page all season. All these weeks, I've been discussing Joe Gibbs's weekly spiritual messages but ignoring Chris Cooley's much more profane weekly non-spiritual messages. Sadly, the DC101 folks regularly pull the oldest interviews from the site, so I can't listen to the mid-season audio file whose blurb reads like this:
"CHRIS EXPLAINS HOW THEY SHOULD HAVE WON, WHY 2-5 WOULD BE PANIC TIME, AND TALKS ABOUT WALLET PHOTOS OF HIS...."
Well, you know. Did anyone listen to this segment? Might you provide a recap of what Chris said? And did it have anything to do with this rather unfortunate headline?
In the meantime, I went back and listened to several of his more recent interviews. It's sort of a big time investment, and he sounds half-asleep for much of the time, but I did learn a few important things that I figured were worth passing along:
1) On the DC101 Sign of the Whale party last weekend:
Cooley: "My dad was signing girls' chests, I think he was signing, uh, can I say asses?"
Elliot: "Yeah, that's fine."
Cooley: "Yeah, I think he was signing asses all night. He was pretty excited when we left."
See, and after all this Brandon Lloyd stuff in recent days, I figured the Redskins would have instituted a policy against signing asses.
2) Cooley apparently left said party with the business card (?) of a stripper from Camelot, although he said he would not be calling her.
3) On the atmosphere in the stands at this week's Eagles game: "Hopefully some fights will break out....I like some drama. Any type of drama in the stands, that would be perfect."
4) On the ESPN.com article: "I read it. It's pretty bad."
5) On the identify of DeepSkin: "Um, you know what, a couple guys kind of talked about it, but I think everyone's kind of hoping it's someone maybe that's not on the team any more, or kind of out of the locker room right now."
Emphasis added. I can't imagine who in the world he might be talking about.
6) On following Al Saunders's orders: "And a lot of it I might not like, a lot of it I might think, 'If I had a football team and I was the coach, I would do this different.'"
Coming next week: Expose on offensive discord!!!!
7) On Adam Archuleta's responsibilities compared to his salary: "That's like $50,000 a punt coverage. I told him, I said, 'That's my dream job.'"
8) On what Gibbs's said in his fiery post-ESPN.com speech to the team: "Maybe [he] said 'rat's ass' once. That was big."
9) On Gregg Williams: "I love the guy. I talk to him a lot....I know that his meetings aren't like Coach Gibbs's meetings, and I know that guys count F-bombs. I know that it's pretty intense in there."
10) On Al Saunders's use of said bombs: "Zero for the year....He'll get mad, and he'll get excited, but his F-bomb count is at zero."
And his WR bomb count isn't much higher.
11) On whether Cooley would use said F-bombs were he the coach: "Me, yes. I would."
December 7, 2006; 11:59 AM ET
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