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Gilbert and Sponge Bob and Eating Beef

Final installment of the most needlessly drawn out blog adventure of my life....previous entries below. This is probably the only one worth reading.

So after Gilbert and his entourage headed for his ESPN interview, I was left with blogger With Leather and the Wizznutzz rogue intern. We walked past the big Christmas tree. We saw SpongeBog SquarePants, whose handler was charging $1 for photos. Guess it's hard to get access to any celebrity in New York. But the handler kindly let us take some pics of SpongeBob for free.

I went to New York to take pictures of this guy.

(Aside: With Leather has finally posted his summary of last night. Only took him about 14,000 fewer words than it took me. Here's his completely inappropriate take on Gil's publicist: "She's stacked like four decades of newspapers in an old woman's apartment.")

(Aside II: The Wizznutzz rogue intern is also promising a summary, at some point. Check back often.)

(Aside III: Here you can see Gilbert's ESPN interview. Look for the clip on the right, under the ESPNMotion logo. You'll note he's still wearing the borrowed Adidas Green Jacket. Possible new nickname there. The highlights of the interview:

1) The ESPN guy, in between shouting a lot, twice refers to Gil's home court as the MCI Center.

2) Gilbert makes frequent use of the term "slow basketball" to describe the team's play on the road. He also says he's like a fish out of water without his high-altitude tent, that he can't breathe. He also says, "If we're gonna die, we're gonna die strong." Someone put that on a sign and bring it to the MCI Center. Or whatever it's called.

3) Gil is asked to describe his personality. "Fun-loving, um, different. I know y'all want me to say quirky so I'll say it. Quirky. Ok? There you go. Quirky." Well, so much for that.)

Gilbert, in his "fish out of water" pose. (By Toni L. Sandys -- The Washington Post)

Anyhow, With Leather/Captain Caveman then dragged us blocks to some NBC bar, where we were supposed to sit around and talk about blogging and the Wizards and Will from Deadspin and Brooklyn and all the things you'd expect us to talk about. Except peerless (and apparently hated) Wiz PR guy Zack Bolno wasn't gonna let it go down like that. He had been taking Caron Butler to Stephen A. Smith's show while I had my 2 minutes and 32 seconds with Gil, and when he heard the length of my interview, he was not satisfied with those 152 seconds. He called back a few minutes later and told me to call a number and talk to Gil, right away.

Me and the rogue intern and With Leather all stared at each other. I wasn't sure what to ask. We came up with a quick list. The rogue intern later pointed out that I should probably carry a list of 50 "Questions for Gil" taped to my chest, just in case I ever run into this scenario again.

Gil couldn't hear me inside the NBC bar, so we all went outside. The rogue intern smoked a cigarette. Captain Caveman took photos of me. Some guys inside the Variety Cafe on 48th Street next door sat in the window, taking care of eight tall cans of Budweiser that were affixed with little "paid" stickers. I talked to Gilbert. Here's what he said.

On the black Gil-Zero: "That was the first time I've seen it. I'm gonna wear it [tonight] to the game and I'm gonna get fined. The rest of the team's gonna have white, I'm gonna be black. Probably like $5,000, $10,000. With the new rules maybe 20,000. It's my first shoe: I need to show it, I need to bring it out."

On the Gil-Zero in general: "The best shoe so far [since] M.J., by far, hands-down. Anybody who lies and says my shoe's not the best, they're just hatin'."

On the NBA's second-best shoe: "Truthfully, what did Ricky Bobby say? If you're not first, you're last."

On whether The Takeover will spread to NYC: "Yeah, I'm trying, dibble dabble, getting my name out a little bit, letting everybody know who I be."

On whether he'd be having hamburgers in New York. "Of course I'm getting hamburgers, that is silly. Feed the beast. Feed the beast. Maybe that's why we've been losing, too much beef. I'm gonna eat chicken, I'm gonna eat a chicken sandwich tonight. i'm gonna get healthy." (Note: we had a bad connection. It's possible he said "Eat more beef" and not "Feed the beast." Either one would make for a fine MCI Center sign.)

On Caron Butler's obsessive straw-chewing habit: "Caron's favorite meal is a straw. He would go every day to McDonald's and get a Cooke, some fries and 40 straws. He just likes to chew on straws. I guarantee you, whoever signs him will say "We guarantee you a year's supply of straws," and he'd take the deal."

On his NYC trip and his shoe and the rest of his life: "I'm happy with everything right now."

He sounded happy. Now I was happy, and the rogue intern seemed happy, and With Leather/Captain Caveman seemed happy. And the fans were happy. I got this e-mail from James Jason Wong, transplanted Wiz fan and graphic designer.

the experience was awesome, and he didn't get there until 7:30. it was worth the wait though... we got NBA store metal keychains for waiting so long. hehe. anyway, thank you. :-)

PS: Gil was awesome, very personable and nice. :-)

So there you have it. Although I do sort of understand why SLAMonline has given up on the NBA Store.

By Dan Steinberg  |  December 6, 2006; 2:48 PM ET
Categories:  Wizards  
Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   StumbleUpon   Technorati   Google Buzz   Previous: Gilbert Answers My Questions
Next: Quick Version of All That Shoe Stuff


I feel like this straw issue with Caron needs to be examined further. Are there particular straws he enjoys more then others? Does he chew the ones that are bendable? Or does he like the smaller (but harder) coffee straws? These questions must be answered!

Posted by: Jake | December 6, 2006 3:09 PM | Report abuse

"This is probably the only one worth reading."

Oh, now you tell us.

Posted by: Reader Glenn | December 6, 2006 3:34 PM | Report abuse

Sounds like a good time. Would I have taken lots of pics of Gil, his publicist, and the Steinz? Hell yes I would. With my brain.

Posted by: Sherm | December 6, 2006 4:13 PM | Report abuse

Good stuff Steinz.

Posted by: Ron G. | December 6, 2006 4:33 PM | Report abuse

"She's stacked like four decades of newspapers in an old woman's apartment."

What pulp fiction novel did he take that from?


Posted by: SEKim | December 6, 2006 4:51 PM | Report abuse

Steinberg - i'm down for some straw discussions next time you're around "VERIZON" Center. We're starting to get curious as well...

Posted by: wizdotcom | December 6, 2006 4:57 PM | Report abuse

I love gil

Posted by: Anonymous | December 12, 2006 9:59 AM | Report abuse

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