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Poetry Slam Entries: Where Is HaikuMan?

A few early sonnet entries from people who clearly have a lot of time on their hands. Or who really want cheap giveaway t-shirts. Please, continue to send em along. I'll find extra cheap t-shirts from somewhere or other.

Also, please admit that the second quatrain of this one, by Reader Will, is pretty hot.

Edit: The last line is supposed to be longer than the rest. Get it, distend?

Gilbert Needs to Sleep

Calvin Booth rallied the troops with tres points,
yet our big men withered at sight of Yao;
Agent Zero could not alone annoint
the mighty Zards as Western kings, I avow.

Caron is steady, Gil is Arenas,
Antawn is awkward, Darius is off,
Deshawn is fresh, Ruffin is hideous,
Haywood is fiesty, Etan is Chekhov.

A week before their Western surge begins:
two home games, a new Nugget now gilted
let us hope that Melo visits friends, Zards win,
and next our Kryptonite, Heat, playoff guilt.

A long rode before this season does end,
the bags under Gil's eyes continue to distend.

Longtime commenter FS offers an untitled Caps sonnet, based on Saturday's win over Philly and tonight's much-anticipated meeting with Pittsburgh:

And now the puck does fly up towards Bryan Muir
And back and with a shot of violent speed
With seven minutes left here in the third
Four - Three; the Caps have now regained the lead
Insurance from Matt Pettinger ensures
A move; our Caps now sit in the eighth seed
Although the victory seems to obscure
The problem with a lead out on the road
And now the eyes to Monday seem to turn
Because with Pittsburgh here, the hype is more
With d-men best described as "often burned"
The Victor is he who most often scores
With so much skill, all eyes just watch Ovy
With so much skill, all eyes just watch Crosby

Pretty darn solid. Bryan76 chooses not to write a sonnet, but he does like the rhythm. So he gives us

Bryan76's Holidastic Pentameter

United plays with an attacking flair
And the preseason will start soon enough
plus most soccer players have better hair
I am sorry Skins fans have had it rough

Oh Danny Boy with your fantasy team
Purchaser of the burgundy and gold
You have squeezed the life from the area's team
I hope that for Christmas the team is sold

Then Virginia and Maryland could see
That Santa Claus might still really exist
You've got Coach Gibbs and Betts, an MVP
But a healthy Portis might add a twist

So until next fall, you will have to see
That the only winning football in town
Is played by the Black and Red of DC
Where we can make the stands bounce up and down

Instead of singing Hail to The Redskins
You can sing Vamos United with glee
So jealous Bog readers I'll be winnin'
One of the Boggiest shirts just for me
Very nice. Haiku Man, we anxiously await your response.

By Dan Steinberg  |  December 11, 2006; 1:28 PM ET
Categories:  Poetry  
Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   StumbleUpon   Technorati   Google Buzz   Previous: Barra Brava Come Downtown
Next: Local Top 11 Hoops Poll Results, Short Version


Sweet. Now I can claim that I'm a published poet "As seen on!"

Posted by: FS | December 11, 2006 1:46 PM | Report abuse

Here's my submission for the sonnet category:

"To a young Squire"

In seasons past, the Redskins would reverse
The end-around, and thereby win a game--
But now we Redskins fans can only curse
A team that once was proud, but now is lame.

Eliminated now, they can begin
To understand the wherefores of their plight--
In learning how one lost, one learns to win
By knowing what went wrong and what went right.

O Daniel Snyder in your lux'ry box,
Hear now these words of wisdom from a fan:
Free Agents are expensive building blocks;
For personnel, a team must have a plan!

Though you can purchase Burgundy with Gold,
Remember: vict'ry can't be bought or sold.

Posted by: ouij | December 11, 2006 3:37 PM | Report abuse

The Redskins are trash.
I do not like their record.
Stop with free agency.


Posted by: Blackaces | December 11, 2006 4:03 PM | Report abuse

Blackaces is right
Free agency is rubbish.
So is Dan Snyder.

Posted by: ouij | December 11, 2006 4:59 PM | Report abuse

The Redskins are a lousy team
Built out of champions
To watch them will make on scream
and eat raw onions.

But they used to be so grand
and now their glory faded
Call them 'Skins, tribe or band -

Holy sh!t! Adu was traded?

Posted by: DCAustinite | December 12, 2006 10:17 AM | Report abuse

A fickle, willful mistress Fortune is,
Our District to endow with worldly might--
For here the Congress sits, the White House is,
Yet still our Redskins are a sorry sight!

Some hope, at least, abides within us still,
When Gilbert with his culinary flair
Can shake and bake and then hibachi-grill
The opposition in the Wizards' lair;

Ovechkin, with his skill upon the ice
The envy of the hockey world will be
And Olaf Kolzig's saves are mighty nice--
That's two teams now, at least, with dignity!

But what's the Barra Brava going to do
When Fake Salt Lake makes off with our Adu?

Posted by: ouij | December 12, 2006 10:53 AM | Report abuse

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