Didn't Greek Athletes Smear Themselves in Oil?

This has little to do with sport, unless you, like I, have always thought naked grapeseed-oil-smeared races against taser-bearing police officers really ought to be an Olympic sport, in which case this has everything to do with sport. The story comes via Bad Jocks, and it was sent to me by a sportswriter, giving it further credibility as a sports story.

The lede is the kind of thing you might go through a whole journalistic career without writing, if you're particularly unlucky:

A Westerville North High School student who stripped naked, lubed his body in oil and ran amok through the school commons during lunch yesterday was arrested after police twice zapped him with a Taser.

With virtually every line, you will become convinced that this story is completely made up. Like, for example, this passage:

When a school administrator confronted him, Killian made sexual gestures and ran, continuing to chase students.

By then, school resource Officer Doug Staysniak was pursuing Killian, ordering him to stop and trying unsuccessfully to grab the slippery student, police said.

See, the problem was he was trying to arm tackle the kid. Wrap up, Officer Staysniak. Finish the tackle. Anyhow, even more remarkable than the story is the fact that the Columbus Dispatch readers have since commenced a serious discussion about whether or not Grapeseed-Oil-Smeared Streaking is a proper cause for police tasering, while ignoring the real question: Who uses Grapeseed Oil? That's just weird.