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Kwame Brown: Always Ours

When I heard there was a hott hott hott new blog called Kwame Brown Sucks ("Chronicling Kwame Brown's Crappy Career"), I naturally assumed the blog was founded by a disgruntled Lakers fan, or maybe the person on the other end of the birthday cake. But nay, I misunderestimated the power of the Washington fan's lingering Kwame hatred, which lingers like the stench of crumpled-up frosting-stained unlaundered suits. The site was, in fact, founded by a Wiz fan, who writes:

I'm a Wizards/Bullets fan who is still upset that we wasted a #1 pick on Kwame Brown....I should have started this site 3 years ago. Better late than never. This blog will solely consist of links to stories about Kwame Brown sucking as a basketball player or as a person. Oh and Ernie Grunfeld is the greatest GM ever for trading him away for Caron Butler - who should be an all star.

Godspeed, Kwame-hating blogger. But please, post a link to the story where he makes soggy his keys to success.

And Bog friend The Cavalier over at !!Yay!!Sports!!, who claims to have registered the domain name KWAMEVSCAKE.COM, rushed to the cafe presses and produced a Kwame cake t-shirt. The quantity and quality of blogland Wizards t-shirt production is on-par with Gilbert's birthday party and James Lang's increasing comfort with the press on my list of 2006-07 season highlights.


More wondrous T-shirts. Go buy one. (Stolen from YaySports!)

(Side note: when the Wizards locker room heard of the Kwame cake story, major [blank] ensued, but I was 100 percent prohibited from writing what happened. I can't even use a noun to describe what ensued. Sorry.)

Anyhow, in more cake love, The Cavalier attracted a curious reader who poses questions like, "why was the cake on the man's back? was he running away? did kwame at first merely threaten to assault him with it??" And the Wizznutzz then, in addition to writing the definitive for-all-time Scoop Jackson takedown, produce the "top six greatest DC basketball off-court Food and Beverage incidents," which includes "Rod Strickland and CHico DeBarge busted for throwing bottles in a TGI Fridays parking lot" and "Rod Strickland vomitng Half smokes on the bench," which is perhaps only marginally "off-court" but is a nice way to enter the lunch hour, nonetheless.

(From the Wilbon chat linked above:

This is an actual conversation from a Rod Strickland hot dog grab one night.

Reporter: Rod, you can't eat that. You'll get sick and throw up!

Rod: I know. Won't be the first time...or the last...Can you slide me that mustard?)

By Dan Steinberg  |  January 25, 2007; 11:13 AM ET
Categories:  Wizards  
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Next: Gilbert Plays Baccarat, Doesn't Try at All-Star Game

Comments

"(Side note: when the Wizards locker room heard of the Kwame cake story, major [blank] ensued, but I was 100 percent prohibited from writing what happened. I can't even use a noun to describe what ensued. Sorry.)"

find Peeler. peeler will be free

Posted by: Kwameeri | January 25, 2007 12:49 PM | Report abuse

I still hold MJ responsible for the Kwame Brown fiasco. Fortunately, I was able to vent this frustration on the man himself one evening at Top Of The Hill in Chapel Hill, a bar/restaurant which Jordan is part owner of.
I was sitting at the end of the bar closest to the patio, when a big commotion erupted at the front. It didn't take long to see that it was MJ walking in with a large entourage. After the initial starstruck shock dissipated, my thoughts turned to that ill-fated #1 draft choice.
He slipped to the back of the patio and was pretty much shielded from the prying masses for the duration of his brief stay, long enough for 2 drinks and a cigar. As Jordan walked past my spot at the bar on the way out, and my anger about that colossal screw up boiled over, I shouted: "Hey MJ! Thanks for Kwame!" in the most sarcastic tone I could muster. He looked over in disbelief, and then continued on his way out the door.
All the Tarheel fans around me glowered, a few got aggressive. I simply replied "Hey, I'm from MD, I don't give a **** about the 'Heels. Go Terps!"

Posted by: AlecW81 | January 25, 2007 2:48 PM | Report abuse

Brilliant post. Although, it's pretty easy to claim Kwame for the District as long as we actually have a Kwame Brown in the District.

http://www.dccouncil.washington.dc.us/123104Web/kwame.html

I think this needs to be a tradition--at any given time, for decades to come, someone, somewhere in DC is named Kwame Brown...say, a pastry chef or a dry cleaner. So we can tell our children's children about the man, myth, etc.

Posted by: DD | January 25, 2007 3:33 PM | Report abuse

You write so fresh and bloggish!

"But nay, I misunderestimated the power of the Washington fan's lingering Kwame hatred, which lingers like the stench of crumpled-up frosting-stained unlaundered suits." LOL. It's more of a joyful hatred now.

My favorite part of the cake thing is still the Lakers' coach joking with the press along the lines of: "of course, once K.B. got the cake in his hands, he dropped it." Heh heh.

The birthday cake thing is like all in our heads -- thing of it as a sign, to long-suffering Wizards fans -- that the knuckledom of the past is receding. The cake incident happens just as Caron Butler's plane really pitches high into the heavens on takeoff. It's a sign! It's not just a $190 cake. It's a sign!

(Thinking to self: sign for Lakers game involving picture of cake with the words "over here, Kwame, here's some cake for you!" Hmm, must color-coordinate sign with t-shirt where I've painted a "6" before the "zero" on my agency zero t-shirt. LA game will be fun, fun, fun.)

I love the "soggy keys to success" post. A keeper, including K-is-for-Knucklehead Brown's recitation of advice from Kobe: "the key words you always remember him saying is, `Will it in.'"

Posted by: Nancy | January 27, 2007 4:26 PM | Report abuse

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