The Steve Nash Moustache
Very few people got a chance to see Steve Nash in a moustache yesterday. I was one of them.
See, when I went into the Phoenix locker room during the pre-game media availability, there was some talk about the Suns' winning-streak beards, such as they were. Sean Marks wore his beard proudly while pointing dismissively to Raja Bell's paltry effort, which might earn Bell entry into a boy band but little else.
"He can barely grow hair; he's trying, he's just reached puberty," Marks said.
"He's growing as much as he can," chuckled Jumaine Jones, who had a solid goatee.
"Hey, I'm doing my part, I'm trying," Bell said. "Everybody plays their role."
("I don't like it for obvious reasons," Bell said, "but I said I'm gonna do it and I'll stick with it, unlike some people I know. But I've got my clippers in my bag.")
A team employee suggested that perhaps the Suns wouldn't lose for two or three years, and that their players would eventually take the court looking like ZZ Top.
"Hey, if I get some rings, I'll do the ZZ Top beard," Bell said. "That's a fair trade."
Reserve center Pat Burke had easily the most filled-in look. This was a legitimate beard. Perhaps there's some sort of correlation between playing time and beard growth. I asked Burke if he grew facial hair faster than his teammates. He seemed proud.
"I'm just more manly," he said.
Burke's never had a beard before, and, to be frank, he's none too pleased with the results. For one thing, it's coming in red, "and I don't think red is really that cool a color," he said. For another thing, "it's itchy as hell." But still, he was talking optimistically of the team's future facial hair plans. Maybe, he said, they would keep this going until St. Patrick's Day, win or lose. Maybe, he said, the team would go to moustaches next. Moustaches?
"Maybe," Burke said. "Why not?"
Indeed, facial hair locker room trends are fleeting. I tried discussing this with Official Wizards Beat Writer Ivan Carter, but he wasn't having it.
"I don't pay too much attention to whether other men shave or not," Ivan said.
Anyhow, during my time in the Suns' locker room there was much shrieking and giggling coming from the trainers' room, which is off-limits to reporters. Eventually, the word trickled out: Steve Nash, who had complained about the discomfort of his winning-streak beard, had finally shaved it off. But he left the 'stache.
"Um, interesting," Bell said.
"Uhhh, it's unique," Burke said.
"I don't know, I don't think words [can] really describe that," Marks said.
"I'll tell you what, he looks like Tom Hanks from 'Castaway,'" Jumaine Jones said, perhaps referring more to the pre-'stache look.
Finally Nash emerged. Indeed, he had a moustache. It was...well, 'interesting' is about as good as I can do.
"Hey Felipe," Bell said to Nash.
"No," Nash said. "Napoleon's brother."
Indeed, he was Kip. The few guys left in the locker room started trading "Napoleon Dynamite" quotes. I imagined Nash ducking out of practice in order to go to his chat room meeting. I imagined Nash at the bus stop with LaFawnduh. But alas, Nash had gone into the shower area, and when he returned he was Kip no longer. The moment had passed. He was clean-shaven again. Marks began booing.
"I hate to disappoint some of you guys," Nash said.
He doesn't do pre-game interviews, so that was as much commentary as I got. Well, I did ask Amare Stoudemire if he thought Nash should have preserved his facial hair.
"No," he said. "It's not that important."
I, for one, would beg to disagree.
January 23, 2007; 7:21 PM ET
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