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Who Can Be Most Pessimistic?

This ought to be a fun game, a game to be played daily from now until October or so, a game whose participants will include paid beat writers, paid columnists, and 8,201 unpaid Nats bloggers, all vying to be the grumpiest McSurlypants on the block.

(In happier news, if you go watch this video, you can see Barry Svrluga and I discussing deodorant. I cannot believe this was actually shown on regional television.)

Today's contest will likely attract a record number of participants, at least until the Nats suffer their season-ending injury, an event scheduled for sometime around 7:10 this evening. I'll start us off.

Dan Steinberg: It's a terrific crash ladies and gentlemen, it's smoke and it's flames....Oh, the humanity....I can't talk, ladies and gentlemen... Honestly, it's just laying there, a mass of smoking wreckage....I'm gonna have to stop for a minute because I've lost my voice. This was the... the worst thing I've ever witnessed.

Boz: Everything imaginable did not go wrong. It was worse than that. Things you never imagined went wrong, too. Mama said there'd be days like this, but on Opening Day?

[But, bizarrely, Boz claims that Flying Teddy won the Giant Racing President's Race. No, Boz, Teddy was DQ'd for flying. Weren't you paying attention? Didn't you see T-Jeff's victory dance? It was T-Jeff who won, no?]

WashTimes columnist Thom Loverro: They stunk yesterday, they probably will stink tonight, and there is a good chance they will stink tomorrow.

[Thom, however, did great work on the Teddy story, getting a behind-the-scenes interview with someone involved in Flying Teddy's Flying Escapades, but not with Flying Teddy himself. As any good reporter already knows, but as Thom just learned yesterday, the people inside the Giant Heads are not only not allowed to talk, they're not allowed to be identified by name. This made my trip to Mascot auditions highly frustrating.]

Examiner columnist Rick Snider: The doomsdayers project 120-plus losses. That's a little pessimistic, but probably not by much. If manager Manny Acta is one of those who doesn't eat when stressed, the man will look like Calista Flockhart by Memorial Day.

Fredberg columnist Steve DeShazo: ....Yesterday's miserable debut suggests the 2007 Washington Nationals may be as bad as advertised, a product that even Pauly Shore might turn down....It's enough to make the doomsayers look wise--and the most optimistic fan reach for a drink....The Nationals are looking more like an orphanage: the tired, the poor, the castoffs. The team only a mother could love.

[Note: Is it doomsayers or doomsdayers? Some difference of opinion here. And is it Mama, or a mother? Columnists, please discuss.]

WashTimes beat guy Mark Zuckerman: Opening Day proved to be something of a disaster for the Nationals, and not only on the scoreboard.

WashTimes other beat guy Ken Wright: For the huge Opening Day crowd at RFK Stadium, yesterday's game probably couldn't have been much worse.

Richmond columnist John Markon: For most major-league clubs: a bona fide disaster. For the Nats: midseason form.

Capitol Punishment: Opening Day. Gorgeous Weather. The kind of thing you dream about when sitting inside in mid-January. But then Mary Todd probably liked the play, too.

Metroblogging DC: Now, let's not heap scorn on just the baseball players. Let's talk about RFK for a second. I was physically unable to get a hotdog today.

At no point during the game were the lines shorter than two innings. When I tried to go back in the 7th, there were hotdogs, but no buns. Who the [edited] orders more hotdogs than they order buns? I mean, I get that they come 8 buns to a pack, but 6 dogs to a pack, but the solution here is to use combinatorics, a word which I alone learned on Square One back in the late 1980s, and come up with an equal [edited] number of hotdogs and buns. Folks, this is not rocket surgery. It's [edited] concessions.

The Nationals Enquirer: I'm still standing in line waiting for food up in section 441 as I write this. Send help.

Oleanders and Morning Glories: The Washington Nationals first game of the season did not go as expected, sadly.

[Note: And he wasn't being ironic! Awesome. Just awesome. Hands-down winner.]

[Edit: Another entry, from DCist: But there, look again: a ropeline! Bully! Big Teddy swooped down from the roof, passing his forefather competitors before losing speed and momentum, eventually falling to earth like a harmless Ryan Church popup and losing the race, once again, to that dandy bastard Jefferson.

By Dan Steinberg  |  April 3, 2007; 9:01 AM ET
Categories:  Nats  
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Next: Flying Teddy


I think you can use "doomsayer" or "doomsdayer" as you prefer. The implications are a little different, to my mind: a "doomsayer" predicts doom, but a "doomsdayer" thinks that doomsday is here. Admittedly this is a somewhat hairsplitting distinction.

I thought Opening Day was pretty great, except for the Nationals being as bad as anyone could expect. But it really was a beautiful day to be at the park. About a dozen people from my office called it a (very) early day and went down there, and it was much much better than being at work.

Posted by: Josh | April 3, 2007 9:48 AM | Report abuse

I'm pretty sure it is mother. "Mama" can be modified by "Sugar" and thus clouds the entire issue of unconditional maternal love. Or at least I hope it does.

Posted by: Skin Patrol | April 3, 2007 9:58 AM | Report abuse

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