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D.C.'s Roller Derby Girls

On my list of "things to do" last weekend was to attend the D.C. Roller Girls "Rolling Thunder" roller derby event at Dulles SportsPlex. Why? It's "LOUD ENOUGH TO KNOCK YOU DOWN!" It's "With Liberty and Justice to Brawl." Clearly, they employ the same writers as Blog Show (tm).

(Yes, I'm just posting this with the hope that the New York Times will write a front-page story about bloggers exploiting helpless young roller derby players, sending my traffic into the stratosphere.)

This is Beltway Betty. Her father should feel free to pursue legal action against me.

I didn't realize D.C. had a roller derby league, although it's been extensively covered by WUSA and WJLA, following the classic nightly news broadcast rules for roller derby coverage:

1) Arch your eyebrows
2) Smirk with amusement
3) Make exaggerated puns
4) Either get out there for some first-person derbying, or playfully ask your co-host if she'll compete
5) Laugh heartily

Watching those segments did help me understand, for the first time in my life, the rules to roller derby. (Which include: Come up with a corny yet undeniably fantastic nickname, such as "Ann Accost Ya" or "Condoleeza Slice," emphasize the fact that you're a mother/teacher/nurse/nun/saint in your spare time, talk about all the injuries you've sustained, reveal much flesh.) The Secretaries of Hate, who like the other teams have their own MySpace page and also a group of child mascots known as "The Hater Tots," are definitely frightening, while Scare Force 1's selection in music would seem in keeping with a group that held its first meeting at the Black Cat. ("Little channnnnnge for the homeless.")

Oh yeah, at the end of the WUSA piece, reporter-type person Sara Walsh gets to play roller derby, leading to more arched eyebrows and hearty chuckles. Rumor has it that CSN anchor-type person Russ Thaler is doing a series of first-person-type pieces this summer, learning how to perform various sporting-type tasks. Here's an earnest vote for Russ to play some roller derby.

The descriptions for the YouTube clips are more entertaining than the highlights ("Mother Clucker is acting as the Pivot for the Secretaries of Hate. Mother Clucker decides to slow Camilla The Hun's progress and slams into her, which creates a chain reaction that almost ends up taking out your beloved camera operator.") but here's one of a spectator getting slammed by Refsputin.

By Dan Steinberg  |  May 31, 2007; 9:01 AM ET
Categories:  Weirdness  
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