Lectures on Portis, Perlozzo and the Mystics
What a day. For sports sections, the arrival of late May is supposed to be like putting Brendan Haywood into a basketball game: nothing happens. But not yesterday. Yesterday, we were lectured. Ranking the lectures:
The Washington Redskins, as an organization, obviously would never condone anything related to animal cruelty. The team takes the recent comments of Clinton Portis very seriously and apologizes to everyone that was offended.
"I'm extremely disappointed and embarrassed for Clinton Portis," Goodell said in a written statement following a one-day NFL owners' meeting. "This does not reflect the sentiments of the Redskins, the NFL or NFL players."
And, via the NFL Network via the Washington Times, Portis lectures back:
"I wasn't condoning dogfighting," Portis said. "Hunting is legal. You've got spearing sharks and 'The World's Greatest Catch' on TV. All those are animals. What I'm saying is that I don't think that issue is as big as they made it with the jail time and the consequences he's going to end up facing if proven guilty. Wait until it's proven to jump on the bandwagon.
"What I was saying was that there are bigger issues than what Michael Vick does on his own property. Now all of a sudden, I'm getting all the negativity, and I don't even have any dogs. I think the whole situation is blown out of proportion."
I can't believe sports media outlets will now be forced to ponder the difference between hunting and dogfighting. I mean, spearing sharks? Remarkably done by Portis. This was much better than his official team statement. And the whole "wait until it's proven" line of argument is pretty much unassailable. I just think Portis is unclear on the precise meaning of "condone." Condone means "to give tacit approval to." Portis said of Vick and theoretical dogfighting,"if that's what he wants to do, do it." Let's move on to our second-ranked lecture:
2) Mystics owner Sheila Johnson lectures her team. I know some of you might not care much about the WNBA, but the Mystics just started 0-2 at home, getting drilled last night, and their team owner went off in the locker room:
Johnson excoriated her team in a postgame locker room speech that seemed to resonate with the players more than even the physical pounding the Monarchs inflicted....
"Sheila is so passionate about this team, along with her supporting cast; she's doing so much to get this team on the map," [Alana] Beard said. "That was a powerful speech. I had chills running through me. I was ready to play again."
I haven't followed the team closely enough to know whether the owner regularly blasts her team in the locker room, but if so, this ought to be fun. Brian Cashman, please pick up line three. Incidentally, I didn't see this in the game stories, but the DC BasketCases (between glances at the Monarchs' coach) say the Mystics set a WNBA record for fewest fourth-quarter points. Also, this year, we've had the Skins finish last in their division, the Caps finish last in their division, the Nats sink to last in their division, the Mystics start out last in their division, and D.C. United, until recently, reside in last in their conference. Also, the Orioles are second-to-last in their division. Which brings us to:
3) Sam Perlozzo lectures the world. As the Balt Sun puts it: "On hot seat, Perlozzo fires back at critics."
"I don't read the paper anymore. I come in here, I want to have a good attitude, a clear mind to do the job that I was paid to do and want to do. I don't read anything anymore. I don't listen to the radio. I come out, I am in a good mood, I talk to my players, I want to have some fun and I manage the game the way I think it should be managed and I let the chips fall."
I don't read anything anymore, either. But I dunno. I watched much of this. I don't think he really "fired back." He seemed pretty amused by the whole deal. The people firing stuff are the bloggers. Camden Chat is running a "Surviving Sam" countdown. Orioles Hangout is asking "Is It September Yet?" The Sun's new blogger starts thus: "That banging you hear is the figurative building of the gallows in the town square for Orioles manager Sam Perlozzo."
Leading to my final question: if you're figuratively building a gallows in an imaginary town square, does it really produce a banging sound?
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