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Famous Stolen Cars

Since some of you seem curious about the progress of my dowdy but missing Dodge Caravan, I bring you important research from City Paper:

Dowdy Dodge Caravans, Chrysler New Yorkers, and Plymouth Neons have become favorite targets of kiddie car thieves.

There is some accounting for taste, says [Lt. Brian McAllister, head of the department's Combined Auto Theft Section]. "Why do you think kids are stealing Voyagers and Caravans all the time?" he asks. "They're not sporty cars. They're very, very simple to steal."

I'd disagree about the "not sporty" designation, but really, who knew? Anyhow, before the week ends, let's remember some classic moments in athletic stolen cars.

1) The Nats return from a 10-day roadie to find Marlon Byrd's car missing:

"Bottom line, it was a [expletive] job done here by the people who work here, a [expletive] job here," Byrd said...."There's no way that my car can be driven off the lot while we're out of town, and I get here, and I'm walking around looking for my car. Whoever's job it was, whoever's supposed to be doing that job, did not do their job."

Never, ever call your teammates out in public. By the way, I think someone must have taken Dmitri Young's car, because he sure has no wheels. Get it? Yeah?

Real caption: "Ms Jankulovska says it is quite legal for her to use the car."

2) David Beckham's BMW is stolen in Spain, and then possibly turns up in Macedonia, except in a different color. As the story goes, "The interior minister of Macedonia has promised to return the car she is driving to David Beckham, if it is proven to have been stolen from him."

The car was worth $145,000, which is about $144,500 more than my car was worth. But if I run into Becks during his U.S. tour, I'm definitely gonna see if we can commiserate.

3) Two Sacramento area youth baseball teams are devastated when their coaches have their cars stolen, leading to what the Sac Bee called a "catastrophic loss of team equipment." One of the teams was called the Madd Hornets. Here's hoping someone steals one of the "d's."

4) Welsh soccer star John Hartson's parents lose their car, a blue K-reg Sierra Sapphire, whatever that is. They offer one of their son's signed jerseys in return for information about the Sapphire, and it is then recovered. I will give a signed Agent Bog t-shirt to anyone who provides information leading to the return of my car.

Actually, I'm feeling a bit light-headed.

5) Pro wrestler Psicosis (Dionicio Castellanos) allegedly steals a car in Mexico:

According to the report, Psicosis asked to borrow a car from a nearby resident. The resident accuses Psicosis of threatening him with a pistol wrapped in a towel when he refused to lend the black Mitsubishi to him. Psicosis reportedly took off in the car and crashed into several vehicles after police unsuccessfully tried to stop him.

I can't tell if this was real or scripted. Seriously. But I guess the gun turned out to be a water gun. I have no idea if he was ever convicted of anything.

6) Lawrence Phillips is arrested "after allegedly running the car he was driving into three teenagers who argued with him during a pickup football game, police said." The car was reportedly stolen. Lots of reportedly and allegedly in this entry. Anyhow, this being Phillips, you'd have to assume the tires on the car were cut.

I'm sure there are more sports-and-stolen-car stories, but this is depressing me, so I'll stop here.

By Dan Steinberg  |  June 15, 2007; 4:37 PM ET
Categories:  Weirdness  
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