Jason Campbell is Country
This wraps up Day Two of the Eastern Motors Commercial Shoot coverage. And before you argue that said event doesn't demand second-day coverage, I'd ask you to think back to this paper's State of the Union Address coverage, and ask yourself whether more interesting things happen at the State of the Union or during the Eastern Motors Commercial Shoot. It's not even a contest.
As pointed out yesterday, Jason Campbell came to the shoot in white sneakers. The players were supposed to wear black shoes. Thus, Campbell was given a pair of Wal-Mart issued sneakers with two black velcro scraps. "Bobos," everyone called them. If you're like me, you're gonna have to call a wise co-worker to find out that "bobos" is slang for generic sneakers, a term that gave rise to the song Antwaan Randle El sang to Campbell on Monday, to the tune of the "Colonel Bogey March," the tune famously whistled in "The Bridge on the River Kwai":
Bobos, they make your feet feel fine
Bobos, they cost a dollar ninety-nine
Bobos, they're meant for hobos!
So go get your Bobos today!
Or something close to that, anyhow.
"See, that's the problem, they didn't tell me what kind of shoes I had to wear," Campbell noted. "Which is ok, though, as long as my feet have got something on them."
(I also asked whether the bobos affected his "Eastern Motors" dancing. "You know, it might have messed up my coordination a little bit," he said, "but if you can dance for real, it really doesn't even matter.")
Anyhow, when he first tried on his v-necked Eastern Motors jersey, Campbell had no t-shirt underneath, which was also not the pre
oscribed look. Santana Moss sighed.
"I can't let my man look like that," Moss said. "Let me tell you, Jason is from Mississippi. Ain't too many guys in Mississippi that do it the way Jason do it now. Portis is from Mississippi. Smoot is from Mississippi. And those guys got a little more spunk about themselves. Jason's country. Laidback. Look at the shoes he's got on. He's got some Heely's on. He's got the Heely's without the wheels. My son's got a pair of them, that's how I know he's got Heely's on. The things he can do is not normal, but he do it well. So now you know that."
I asked Randle El whether "country" was a fair description for the stoic young quarterback, who by rights should assume the title of Second Most Important Man in Washington this fall.
"Yeah he's country: Count-ry," Randle El agreed. "His words, oh my goodness. We have a shift called 'Falcon.' He can't say it. Ask him to say it. But that's my boy. He's just country, the words don't come out right...The first couple times, you'd come out of the huddle like, 'What? Hold on, hold on, what? What???' But now we got it, we know what he means."
("He's got a knack for being crazy," Campbell later said of Randle El. "He's wearing me out a little bit. He's like a wild problem child.")
But anyhow, in the interest of accuracy and fairness, I asked Campbell to say "Falcon" so I could judge for myself. It sounded sort of like "Belco." Or "Falco." Or maybe "Balco." I told him what his teammates had said about his pronunciation.
"I don't know, I guess it's not citified enough for them." he said. "I tell them: 'I keep it simple.' Nice and easy."
I asked whether he was country.
"Nah," he said. "I'm like, I'm Mediterranean."
I don't know exactly what this means. Something about olive branches, I suppose. Or possibly something about his relaxed way of living, or maybe a sly nod toward the Burgundy in "Burgundy and Gold." Anyhow, Campbell dismissed any suggestion that his receivers have struggled to comprehend his play calling.
"Nah, they understand," he said. "We have fun in the huddle. If we have a long play, I really sit there and pronounce 'em out, make sure they know where they're going. As the quarterback, you've got to talk for all the receivers, so everybody understands what to do on every play, regardless. You've got to just tell 'em every single thing. I'm like the third grade teacher, just teaching third graders."
"He's actually right," Moss said, "but you don't understand what he's talking about. He's like a Charlie Brown teacher: 'wah waw wah waw'."
[Note: The above was all done in good humor. The players were just having fun. No Redskins PR persons need call me at home tonight.]
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