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The Contents of My Stolen Van

Because I started the story here, I might as well finish it. Blogs are all about personal obsessions, right?

When the story started, my hot hot hot 1996 Dodge Caravan was stolen from outside my house in Northwest, then recovered, all-crashed-up in Northeast, then taken to Maryland, from where it was finally determined that it was not worth fixing, and so this week I was beckoned to collect my belongings, at which point I learned that one of the nice people who had been driving my van since it was stolen decided to leave many of his/her possessions behind, presumably as an apology for that whole theft thing. And so, among the things found inside the van that were not technically mine:


One of my newly gained possessions.

* A maroon purse, containing a Holy Bible. Because you should never drive a stolen vehicle without the comfort of the Scripture.

* An empty bottle of Courvoisier. [Note: I swear, all this is true.]

* An empty bottle of something called, I believe, "Ice Water," although that might be the wrong name. It appeared to be an adult beverage, anyhow.

* Several containers of spray-on hand sanitizer.

* Several containers of nail polish.

* Lots of unused diapers.

* A broken bag from the Suburban Hospital Healthcare System.

* A portable Checkers set, with handy carrying bag.

* A Stevie Wonder CD, in a D12 CD case.

* Six tablets of Sudafed.

* Two empty glasses cases.

* The wrapper from a package of Kool cigarettes.

* A watch.

I've thrown most of the stuff away, but I kept the Bible and the checkers set. Seems wrong to throw away a Bible. And you never really know when a portable checkers set might come in handy.

By Dan Steinberg  |  July 25, 2007; 10:31 AM ET
Categories:  Weirdness  
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Comments

At least the diapers were unused.

Posted by: Mike | July 25, 2007 11:05 AM | Report abuse

So.... a couple of mysophobic, purple drank-drinking checkers players were smoking cigs while listening to stevie wonder. It's unclear whether far or near sighted. Also, didn't care much for time. I won't ask if the diapers were adult or baby.

Posted by: CreditZard | July 25, 2007 11:12 AM | Report abuse

You are too funny!

Posted by: Anonymous | July 25, 2007 11:25 AM | Report abuse

You are too funny!

Posted by: Anonymous | July 25, 2007 11:25 AM | Report abuse

Hmm.. can you at least use the diapers? I'm not sure the nail polish is your shade.

And I'm hurt, hurt, I tell ya, that you didn't ask me to guest blog. Now I know I must stink!

Posted by: misschatter | July 25, 2007 11:41 AM | Report abuse

It was Vitamin Water.

Posted by: Caron | July 25, 2007 11:46 AM | Report abuse

(btw, totally kidding on all counts)

Posted by: misschatter | July 25, 2007 12:00 PM | Report abuse

you didn't keep the stevie cd!?!?

Posted by: hmmmmm | July 25, 2007 12:35 PM | Report abuse

Are you sure it wasn't a DC Sports Bog commenter? EVERYONE is a suspect, Dan.

I'll start this off. It couldn't possibly be me because I haven't used diapers in months.

Posted by: Skin Patrol | July 25, 2007 1:29 PM | Report abuse

Chico DeBarge and Rod Strickland strike again!!!

Posted by: Unsilent Majority | July 25, 2007 3:54 PM | Report abuse

Welcome back and I'll take the nail polish...

Posted by: WGDC- | July 26, 2007 12:46 AM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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