The Jaguars' Fight Song and Scrunchies
With the Redskins heading to Jacksonville tonight, let's briefly review the Tony Kornheiser controversy. Remember that one?
A) Tony smashes the city, like so: "Have you ever been to Tampa? It's heaven, if you like Waffle Houses. Jacksonville makes Tampa look like Paris! Jacksonville has this one great thing, the TPC course with the island green on No. 17. (Which is actually in Ponte Vedra.) And the rest of it can be described with this phrase, 'Welcome to Hooters.'" Etc.
B) Said smashing creates a big enough uproar that the local Congressman feels compelled to issue a statement on the House floor, which, what, has nothing better to do than discuss frumpy sports writers? Tony became the lead story on the local news. And, matching witty repartee keystroke for keystroke, a local columnist says "maybe Kornheiser's column ought to be titled Pardon The Lack of Reporting." Zing! Sigh.
C) The following year, the local newspaper writes an entire story on Tony's arrival to the city, starting thus: "Tony Kornheiser, who ignited a verbal bonfire with Jacksonville residents before Super Bowl XXXIX by questioning the city's merits in his Washington Post column...."
Verbal bonfire. Yow. The city has TWP on the brain, though, which is good.
Anyhow, I don't want those Hooters-attending smell-emitting teal-wearing cowtowners to come attack me and drive up my readership numbers (note: actually, yes, I do), but just in case, here are three things to note about the Jags:
1) Some site claims the Jaguars' fight song actually begins like this:
The guys are ready -- It's time to be bad.
The pressure is building underneath their pads.
Sorry, that's not a fight song, it's an ode to pedophilia.
2) The team Web site sells hair scrunchies. Look, maybe D.C.'s football team sells scrunchies too. I don't know, and I don't want to know. Either way, that's no excuse. In 2007, we do not, as a society, wear teal scrunchies.
3) Speaking of the team's Web site, its senior editor has asked its fans to silence their doubts and become mindless robotic supporters of all things teal. Er, he doesn't like the Leftwich controversy. To wit:
Don't sacrifice the town's dignity. Please don't surrender to the angry-mob mentality that can titillate even the most sensible and reasonable person. My request of you is that you allow this to play itself out and allow the people who are ultimately responsible for this strategy to accept its consequences, whether they be favorable or unfavorable. You can't change this. The decision has been made. What you can do, however, is discipline your behavior so that the strategy the team devised has a chance for success.
Hey Jacksonvillians, you should move to D.C., where it's never time to be bad, we only use scrunchies to keep together our giant bills of lobbyist cash, and civic codes require us to loudly criticize the local football franchise without ever being asked to discipline our behavior or avoid the angry-mob mentality. Btw, titillate? Really? What about Hooters?
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