Redskins Play "Imagine"
I think I came up with 10 reasons why yesterday was just a complete abomination, a forfeiture of justice and the natural order of things in favor of depression incarnate, Ryan Seacrest's career on grass. The Redskins lost to a winless opponent (1) from within the division (2), with a chance to go to 3-0 (3) and a 14-point lead (4), at home (5), in front of their largest ever home crowd (6), which included fan favorite and ex-Giant LaVar Arrington (7), failing to score from the one-yard line (8) as time expired. Oh, and did I mention that the key play was authored by a quarterback named Eli Manning (9) and a wide receiver named Plaxico (10)?
The team, in short, did not "bring it," as they say. The fans in the parking lot? They brought it. From the profane t-shirts to the Dead Tree Crew and their traffic cone beer bong, from the guys dressed in monk robes (yes, they had business cards) to the burgundy and gold Dodge Charger to the Redskins-themed band playing vintage Redskins-themed tunes, it was hard to fault the fans. Which is why I'll just spend most of the day telling parking lot stories.
And I'll start with the dreamers known as the DirtBags, the official rock n roll band of the Redskins Appreciation Club, whose set went off in A44 Orange at approximately 2:30. The RAC is a highly impressive organization whose charter dates to 1991, and whose members--a slightly vague group numbering somewhere between 50 and 200--are each given "Hail!" bumper stickers, beer koozies, certificates of membership, and official RAC nicknames, all for a lifetime membership fee of just $10. "It's not that hard to get in," admitted Burke Willard, aka "The Ambassador."
And as if that weren't enough reason to visit the RAC tailgate, the DirtBags--whose past hits include "Take a Crap on Warren Sapp," "Rocky Ain't Real" and "Peter King is a Queen"--offer members a weekly dose of rock.
"You've never heard anybody harmonize like these guys," an onlooker promised me when I arrived.
"We're back in 1971," Thomas Warren, the frontman and RAC "President," began singing. "It's throwback day; we're gonna have some fun."
See, in honor of the team's throwback uniforms, the DirtBags had decided to do a 1971-themed set, complete with large wigs, fake sideburns, tie-dye, gold chains, headbands, large sunglasses and all the rest.
"It will be just like 1971 - the music, the cheers, the war," said the President in the event's press release. "But in 1971 I was seven years old, so I may have to wear different clothes. Although I will be sure to drool on my t-shirt just like I did then."
I didn't notice any drool, but when the music began the crowd went as crazy as you've ever seen a crowd go over a three-piece rock band's electrified parking lot rendition of "Hail to the Redskins." On guitar was Eric Sandin, aka "Larry," aka "Whiskey Sergeant Major." On bass was Chad Whaley, aka "Lefty." Imagine Jimi Hendrix getting lubricated with a few cases of Coors Light and some barbequed chicken then donning a Darrell Green jersey and plugging into the back of an orange Honda Element and a black VW Bug to play covers of "Just My Imagination" and a mind-blowing medley of "Hang On Sloopy" and "Wild Thing," and you can get a pretty good idea.
"I told you they were good," the onlooker said, smiling broadly. "You've got to get them a record deal, man."
Game time was approaching, and so I had to leave the show, but first I got to listen to a Redskins-themed version of "Imagine," a song that actually dates from 1971, a song that encourages listeners to dream of something better than the present, some distant moment of hope. On this morning of depression, where pessimism might sprout like mold feasting on discarded Coors Light, I want you to sit back and consider these lyrics.
"Imagine if we win this game;
And the game after that.
Imagine if we went 4-0;
Then 5-0. [Hell, somebody stop me now.]
You may say I'm a dreamer;
But I'm not the only one.
I hope some day you'll join me. [How bout today, y'all?]
And we'll go out and get a win."
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