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Pats Fans: You're Boring

Ostrich man.

Since attempting to rile up Patriots fans proved so enjoyable yesterday, here's more.

Before Sunday's game, I wandered through the various Gillette lots attempting to capture the unbelievable color that would surely accompany the league's best, most dominant team on a beautiful fall afternoon. Instead, I found a fan base that appears to have been instructed by Bill Belichick not to provide any blog-board material for opposing fans. Or possibly a race of zombies. Basically, imagine 50,000 white people wearing Tedy Bruschi jerseys.

Also, bear in mind that it was the last NFL game before Halloween, which should have led to a riot of hilarious costumes. Still, in 90 minutes of wandering, the best I found was this guy, Jeff Ullrich, dressed up like an ostrich. I asked him why everyone else was so boring. "I'm festive and they're not," he said. Whatever.

Anyhow, that was my fourth NFL parking lot experience this year, and in terms of generic weirdness and blogworthy entertainment value, there was a very clear hierarchy.

1) Philadelphia (bonus points for bleeding opposing QB figurines)
2) Baltimore (bonus points for whole pigs)
3) Washington (bonus points for praying dolls)
4) Boston (no bonus points)

Attempting to find the proper correlation, I reviewed city rankings of brainpower, education levels, New Economy-ness, Sustainability and several other categories. None matched the above order. Finally I found the answer: Forbes's rankings of the most wired cities in the U.S. has those four cities in the proper order. Which makes sense: high-speed Internet access can lead to excessive blog consumption, which dulls the brain.

So this tells us that, of the cities considered in that study, the Detroit Lions, Kansas City Chiefs, Philadelphia Eagles and St. Louis Rams should have the best tailgates by virtue being the least wired. And the Atlanta Falcons, Seattle Seahawks and San Francisco 49ers should have the worst tailgates by virtue of being the most wired. Considering that Seattle--home of what I'm told is legendary bad tailgating--is now attempting to ban alcohol among some tailgaters, this seems fair enough.

By Dan Steinberg  |  October 30, 2007; 10:38 AM ET
Categories:  NFL  
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