Andray Blatche is Keepin' it Real
(Warning: Long. But it's the day before Thanksgiving, you have nothing better to do, and the Wizards are winning again.)
(Preview of why you should keep reading this: Brendan Haywood suggested that Blatche was "punking" the media members last night. If you casually read the AP version of this story, Haywood is now suggesting that Blatche was "poking" the media members." New media wins again!!!!)
Here's how the post-game fun started last night, as media members massed around the stall of breakout star Andray Blatche.
Blatche: "Oh, y'all coming to me, huh?"
Brendan Haywood: "Now you don't got to player hate on my interviews."
Blatche: "I told you this a long time ago, I said y'all keep on coming over here next to Brendan, don't want to talk to me. And when you want to talk to me, I won't talk to y'all....Hold on, I want to put a shirt on before they put me on camera. I got some good stuff for y'all."
Haywood: "Oh God."
Blatche: "C'mon, Jimmy got soul."
So then Dre began launching his self-evaluation after he dropped 26, easily his career high. For example,
"I had to tell [Gilbert], you know, hey, he ain't the only one that can do it," Dre said. "You know, I've been doing this since I was in high school."
"I had to swag Gil back, let him know I do that from time to time, let him know don't be surprised," Dre said. "I mean, that's what I'm trying to have him do, look for me for some more shots when they double him."
A certain AP writer then asked whether Dre would also start a blog.
"Oh I'm getting me a vlog," said Blatche, referring to the sort of video blog that Nick Young and Dominic McGuire have, although the AP incorrectly reported this as "blog." "I already set this up, this is gonna be set up for this next week," Blatche continued. "Y'all stay tuned, coming to a town near y'all, I'm getting my vlog. It's gonna be 'When keepin' it real goes wrong.' I'm telling the truth."
"Man, he's punking y'all," Haywood interrupted. "There's no way this is a serious interview right now."
Later, when the crowd dissipated, I asked for more details. Like, what was he keepin' it real about?
"Keepin' it real about anything," Blatche said. "I'm gonna tell the truth."
About what, I asked.
"About anything," Dre said. "Anything you want to know. You gonna ask me some questions, I'm gonna keep it real. I'm gonna say, 'This is one way you can handle it, and this is another way you can handle it.' "
"Please, cut the tape recorder off," Haywood said. "Nothing good is coming out of this interview. It's just getting worse and worse."
"See, that's why the camera loves me," Dre said. "Keep on talking."
I tried to quickly think of a situation in which Dre would be able to demonstrate keepin' it real gone wrong. How about when an NBA player fouls out of a game?
"The right way to go is to go sit on the bench and cheer your team on," Dre said. "When keepin' it real goes wrong, is you go up to the ref and cuss the ref out, like [$^#@ $ $#@&*], then get another tech and get thrown out of the game for real. You know what I'm saying? There's a right thing to do and the bad thing to do."
Ok, so that one might not quite be ready for Chappelle, but it's a start. How about when starting a rap duo with a lanky Ukrainian, how does one correctly keep it real?
"You've got to know talent," Dre said. "The wrong way to do it, is probably people that think they're talented but they're not."
Right. So the concept might need a little work. Still, if there's one thing the world needs right now, it's another Washington Wizards vlog, so I can't wait.
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