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D.C. Sports Hit Rock Bottom*

Shazam Shazam Shazam.

* Almost.

If Jerrico Cotchery catches that overtime pass--a football that was virtually begging to nestle in his arms--the Jets have a first down, are in field goal range, and very likely win the game. And then I'd have no problem declaring the past fortnight the worst in D.C. sports history. Or at least the worst fortnight in the past decade of D.C. sports history. Or at least the worst fortnight in this blog's history (14 months). Consider the evidence:

1) D.C. United, the area's only reliable professional franchise, fails to take advantage of MLS's best regular season record and loses a first-round series to the Chicago Fire, forfeiting a chance to play MLS Cup at home, which could have been a huge boon for the stadium drive. Depression meter: 8 Paxils out of 10 (mitigated by the Supporters Shield for regular season excellence, but let's face it, we don't live in a regular season world).

2) The Wizards, after bandying about an "Eastern Conference Finals or Bust" mantra, lose their first three games for the first time since 1992. Depression meter: 5 Paxils out of 10 (mitigated by the fact that it's early and the Wiz always start slow, but gosh, they look bad).

3) The Caps, after bandying about a "Playoffs or Bust" mantra, lose four out of five and seem thoroughly hapless. (Really, they've lost eight out of 10, but I'm respecting this Worst Fortnight theme). Depression meter: 4 Paxils out of 10 (mitigated by the fact that we're used to them being bad, but jeez, 8 out of 10 is bad).

4) Maryland football gets crushed by Clemson at home, and then loses at doormat North Carolina to fall below .500, with half its wins coming against Villanova and Florida International. Depression meter: 6 Paxils out of 10 (mitigated by the nasty injury bug, I guess, but still, 4-5 is 4-5).

5) The Redskins were staring at a particularly ugly two-fer: one of the worst bottom beatings in franchise history, followed by a near-loss to a 1-7 joke team with a new starting quarterback and a thoroughly indifferent fan base, which would have virtually torpedoed the entire season. Depression meter: would have been 8 Paxils out of 10, easily, with a whiskey chaser to boot.

6) Making matters worse, fan favorite, budding All-Pro and all around American Hero Brandon Lloyd seems to have come to the end of the line, merely for missing a meeting!!!! I mean, who really thinks meetings are that.....bah, forget it, JLC wins.

But Cotchery dropped the ball, CP ran the ball, Shazam made the kick, and now we can just forget about the Wizards and Caps and Terps and United and instead focus on those gritty, gutty, clutch Redskins, and LaRon Landry's hair. (Coming later.) Plus, Fred Smoot, in explaining the "Shazam" nickname, told me he has nicknames for every Redskin who's played in the last seven years, and promised to cough up the goods this week. That's the good thing about a win.

By Dan Steinberg  |  November 5, 2007; 8:36 AM ET
Categories:  Caps , D.C. United , Redskins , Wizards  
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Next: Redskins Bonus Quotes: No Ugly Wins


Permanent Failure: 550_No_such_user"

Anything you're not telling us, alien who replaced Dan Steinberg?

Posted by: Josh | November 5, 2007 10:10 AM | Report abuse

the initial goes at the end of the last name, not the beginning

Posted by: Dan Steinberg | November 5, 2007 10:12 AM | Report abuse

I am ashamed to share the same initials with "the reporter."

Posted by: | November 5, 2007 10:35 AM | Report abuse

I'm pretty sure a Skin's loss would have forced the area's collective depression meter far past whatever it registered for the D.C. United playoff exit. (So either United is not an 8, or we would have held a mass KoolAid session in the wake of a loss to a 1-7 pushover).

Posted by: BiGpimpin | November 5, 2007 11:01 AM | Report abuse

It was Game 3 out of 82 (Game 1 at home) and the Wizards were already boo'ed off their own court. A bit premature? There are 4 out of 16 playoff teams last year that haven't won yet this season - Chicago, Miami, Washington, and Golden State. I say just be patient.

Posted by: Bud | November 5, 2007 11:04 AM | Report abuse

I'm a huge United fan and I agree, BiGpimpin, but I think the idea is for fans of the team it is horrible. That outcome for fans was hard to take. I didn't expect anything from UMD this year and expected Clemson to beat them. It's also hard for a Hokie to underestimate a Butch Davis coached team especially when he already has some of his recruits playing. All of the "local" teams were losing and that's the idea of the post. I don't remember a game on a Thursday night in Blacksburg, but I'm pretty sure Tech won for most of the game.... If that game that may or may not have happened had been on the list, I would have put it up there well ahead of Maryland.

Posted by: sitruc | November 5, 2007 12:02 PM | Report abuse

I agree with Bud, we should just wait this out. Remember, we did have a pretty good team back in '78. Most other major sports cities would be perfectly content with fielding one great team every 30 years...

Posted by: bryc3 | November 5, 2007 12:10 PM | Report abuse

Will the number of Paxils go up if, say, Moreno retires? Or Gomez leaves? Or Boswell is taken in the upcoming expansion draft? Or if Fenty's sweetheart deal for Poplar Point is one of the seven without a stadium? Should I just down the whole bottle?

Posted by: Chest Rockwell | November 5, 2007 12:17 PM | Report abuse

If Boswell goes in the Expansion Draft - I'd say that would get my Paxils DOWN to 6. He's awful. Would be more upset to lose Dyachenko.

Posted by: Kev | November 5, 2007 12:37 PM | Report abuse

What you all don't realize is that on any give weekend for the past several years the terps caps wizards and redskins HAVE all lost games. It seems to happen on a regular, and is why, and unfairly I must admit that they all seem to play alike. Except for the United, the players on the other area teams seem to be a notch below the players on good teams and they all play that way, so just wait til next weekend. You just may see it again.

Posted by: keedrow | November 5, 2007 12:44 PM | Report abuse

Yeah, but Navy beat Notre Dame. Completely kills your theory.

Posted by: Chester Nimitz | November 5, 2007 8:18 PM | Report abuse

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