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12 More Zany Wizards Facts

We're all living in the District of Caron, people.

The Wizards have won 10 of their last 15. That's just one game behind what Detroit and Orlando have done over their past 15, and better than every other team in the East besides Boston. And that's mostly without Gil. Which means the zany facts are gonna keep on coming.

1) Nick Young reiterated yesterday that his nickname is "Bean Burrito." Really, Bean Burrito?

"Terrible," Brendan Haywood said of the nickname. I asked Nick where it came from.

"It was passed on from generation to generation," Young said. "Only the great legends were named Burrito. They used call Michael Jordan 'Black Bean Burrito,' because he was dark, and his head was like a bean. Kobe was called guacamole."

"Guacamole?" I wondered. "Why 'Guacamole?' "

"Um, I don't know," he said. "I forgot."

2) Is any of that true? I have no idea. But at practice today, a practice in which only nine players were healthy, I heard people shouting out "Ocho." I figured that referred to Roger Mason Jr., No. 8. But nope. "Ocho" is Caron Butler.

"Cause he act like Kobe Bryant," DeShawn Stevenson explained.

"He's got all Kobe mannerisms," said Haywood, who coined that one.

"Brendan's crazy, man," Butler said.

3) Speaking of Caron, he was telling us how the team managed to hold practice today with only those nine guys, since Darius Songaila was out with a sprained ankle.

"A lot of three-on-three-on-three stuff," he said. "One squad at one end, one squad at the other end and one squad in the middle."

4) Speaking of practice, the Wiz also went through a five-on-four shooting contest today. The players were divided up into two teams. Shirts and skins, you're thinking? Ha. Try "Big Money" vs. "Little Money." "Big Money" included Caron Butler, Antawn Jamison, Brendan Haywood and Antonio Daniels. "Little Money" was everybody else.

"This is discrimination," complained Dominic McGuire, who is decidedly Little Money. I was somewhat surprised that DeShawn Stevenson's new deal did not qualify him for Big Money.

"I don't like being over there with too much money," he said later. "I can stunt on all the Small Money guys."

Thirty-three percent of healthy Wizards wear these shoes.

5) Speaking of DeShawn Stevenson, have you noticed that he wears the same gold-striped Adidas that Jamison wears? (pictured)

"I don't know, I just do whatever 'Twan do," Stevenson said. "Whatever shoe 'Twan wears, for some reason I'm superstitious, I play good in 'em. So if he switches to blue tomorrow, I'm going to blue."

I relayed this information to Jamison.

"I didn't know that," he said. "So what's the question?"

It's amazing that people don't say that to me more often.

6) Speaking of Jamison, on Sunday night he went crashing into those super fancy next-to-the-players seats. And whose lap did he plow into? Why, none other than the lap of Tod Castleberry, the Redskins Radio impresario.

"Unbelievably, he was apologizing profusely, making sure we were all right," Castleberry said, when I requested comment. "And while he crushed my toe, I told him we didn't spill a drop of our adult beverages!"

Photo courtsey Bog reader Steve.

7) Speaking of celebrity attendees at that game, how about Ryan Zimmerman sitting courtside with Ken Griffey Jr., Demetric Evans behind one basket, and Dominique Dawes somewhere about. Plus Gheorghe Muresan (pictured). Griffey posed for about 4,000 photos with awkward young men who queued up during the halftime show, which featured the Columbia Union Acro-Airs, who offer a "unique blend of traditional gymnastics, European acro-gymnastics, and cheerleading" and who "travel to promote their drug-free lifestyle in arenas that range from NBA halftime shows to elementary school assemblies."

8) Speaking of the Nets game, my second-favorite moment was when New Jersey's Bostjan Nachbar was called for several fouls in quick succession and taken out, at which point he decided to kick a Nachbar hole in the Southwest Airlines signage hanging underneath the scorer's table (pictured). Someone get out the duct tape before Tuesday night.

Henceforth: the Nachbar Gap.

9) Speaking of Europeans, did you know that Darius Songaila is a big outdoorsman? I'm scooping myself here, but I asked him whether he's ever killed big animals.

"Yes, very big," he said.

"Like what?" I asked.

"A horse with horns," he said.

Wait, Songaila has killed a unicorn? No, it turns out it was a Kudu, a woodland antelope, but I prefer to believe that Songaila has killed a unicorn. Also, he likes to fish.

10) Speaking of fishing, I noticed Haywood and Andray Blatche making fishing motions while on the bench Sunday night. Not something you necessarily expect to see NBA players doing on the bench.

"That was for Nick," Blatche told me later. "You know how rookies, when they come in and they mess up, and the coaches take them right back out? [Eddie Jordan] threw the bait in, caught him and threw him right back out."

"He came in and got the hook real quick," Haywood agreed. "Coach put him in, he still had the hook in his back, and he reeled him right back in."

11) Speaking of Blatche, remember the F3, aka the "Future 3," Blatche, Young and McGuire's answer to the Big 3? Well, it is no more.

"F3 broke up," Blatche said. "We broke up. 'Cause they don't know how to act. Ain't no loyalty in the F3. We had to kick Nick out. We ain't messing."

"I've been out of there," Young confirmed. "We're beefing right now. I'm by myself."

"You know how The Roc broke up?" McGuire added. "You know what I'm saying, we're just having a little problem. We're gonna get back together."

"I'm Jay-Z, he's Damon Dash," Young said. "I'm Kobe, he's Shaq."

I asked Blatche whether he and McGuire had instead formed the F2.

"We just canceled the whole thing," Blatche said. "We went back to the original Bench Mob."

12) Ah yes, how could I forget the Bench Mob, the Haywood-inspired term for the super subs from last year's playoffs, who provided at least 46 percent of Bog content last spring. How is the Bench Mob faring now that Haywood is no longer a sub?

"I'm still in the Bench Mob," he insisted. "Aw, Bench Mob is always there, man. It's a mentality. It's a state of mind."

And what does Haywood think of the F3?

"What the heck is that?" he asked. "I never heard about that. I don't think anybody else heard of it, either."

By Dan Steinberg  |  December 10, 2007; 4:21 PM ET
Categories:  Wizards  
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Next: The Greatest Joe Gibbs Answer Ever


God I love this team.

Posted by: Brian | December 10, 2007 4:35 PM | Report abuse

I like how outspoken our rookies are. Coach Eddie encourages that. At the team practice for season ticketholders last week, he had Nick Young, McGuire, and that new Russian guy whose name I can't spell either all speak for a second. Nick was cool. He began: "Y'all cool out there?" Very friendly.

"So what's the question? It's amazing that people don't say that to me more often."

LOL. You have this way of making an observation sound like a question and leaving it very much in the ear of the beholder, which I think gets the speaker to say something more authentic about their thought processes.

Was a great game! Butler's right about Haywood. And Blatche, Young, and McGuire will never be a stable chemistry!

Hey, am I the only one who heard how often Coach Eddie mentions Gilbert in these post game press conferences. It's as if Coach Eddie knows, psychologically, how important it was for Gilbert to know he's missed. Hope he knows it.

I noticed how fast Young was pulled back to the bench once. Noticeable. Failure: feedback, the breakfast of champions.

Antonio Daniels, Caron, just everyone was hustling last night. I like my team 'cause they hustle. Had a sense that last night was as much a coaching contest as anything else. They were reading our offense very well, and I think we adjusted to that in the fourth.

You know how the crowd chants "Defense! Defense!" I'm still promising to myself that I won't, in the time gap between the chants, shout: "Where is the?" or "How 'bout some?"

Posted by: Nancy | December 10, 2007 4:39 PM | Report abuse

Why is Brendan Haywood an authority on anything cool or funny?

Posted by: ScottVanPeltStyle | December 10, 2007 4:41 PM | Report abuse

So, Haywood's never heard of F3? Do the actual Wizards not read the lovefest that is Bullets Forever?

Posted by: DD | December 10, 2007 4:49 PM | Report abuse

"He's got all Kobe mannerisms," said Haywood

Can we call Haywood "Frodo" because he rebounds like Brevin Knight?

Posted by: Unsilent Majority | December 10, 2007 4:52 PM | Report abuse


It's a little known fact that Darius has not only killed a unicorn, but he keeps a full grown Yeti as a pet in his backyard.

Posted by: James | December 10, 2007 4:53 PM | Report abuse

Steinz, when I was leaving after the game I walked out by the Johnnie Walker lounge and Jr. was still back there with his female and his new buddy Zimm.

Zimm and the female seemed quite ready to get back to the car but everytime they made a move somebody else started posing with Griffey. To his credit, it seemed as though he was sticking around until everybody got theirs.

He should just hand out pictures of him standing next to a blank spot so people can photoshop themselves in at home.

Posted by: Unsilent Majority | December 10, 2007 4:59 PM | Report abuse

If someone doesn't stop DSong from shooting endangered Unicorns then we're going to be playing with nine players for a lot longer than predicted

(the reader formerly known as BigPimpin)

Posted by: Icantfeelmyface | December 10, 2007 5:18 PM | Report abuse

Not that this is new news by any stretch, but clearly this if the best sports related blog evar. On that note, is there another similar "embedded reporter" style blog out there for any other NBA team?

I ask this because I often wonder if this blog is so great because the Wiz are truly a collection of interesting characters, or simply because Steinberg is just a very good writer who knows how to pull blogworthy stuff outta them.

What do you guys think?

Posted by: | December 10, 2007 5:54 PM | Report abuse

always good stuff when it comes to the Wizards, man I love this team.....good post Dan

Posted by: LooseCannon | December 10, 2007 6:20 PM | Report abuse

"I relayed this information to Jamison.

"I didn't know that," he said. "So what's the question?""

Oh lordy. Has AJ become the funniest Wizard? That was classic. Someone make a t-shirt with that quote on it!

Posted by: Anonymous | December 10, 2007 8:14 PM | Report abuse

Ivan Carter invented the "funny wizards blog post" about two seasons ago. Just saying.

Posted by: Patrick | December 10, 2007 8:31 PM | Report abuse

This post was nothing short of masterful.

Posted by: SuzyIWanttoKissYou | December 10, 2007 9:12 PM | Report abuse

"Ivan Carter invented the "funny wizards blog post" about two seasons ago. Just saying."

Maybe so, but too many douchebags post over there. Or just one douchebag too many, rather.

Posted by: Anonymous | December 10, 2007 10:46 PM | Report abuse

The Wiz are my favorite team because of the players. What a unique and zany group of guys. And........they can ball. I ofter wonder are other teams like this or is it just the Wiz. They all seem to really mesh and get along well in the lockeroom. Please continue with these blogs of misc. information about the Wiz. I love it and I am sure the other fans do as well.

Posted by: Anonymous | December 11, 2007 7:33 AM | Report abuse

We are really lucky to have such a great time, in every sense of the word! I love the Wizards.

Posted by: Fairfax | December 11, 2007 10:31 AM | Report abuse

Just as long as Songaila's not fighting unicorns! I hear you can get into big trouble for that.

Posted by: bowie | December 11, 2007 10:38 AM | Report abuse

"the Columbia Union Acro-Airs, who offer a 'unique blend of traditional gymnastics, European acro-gymnastics, and cheerleading' and who 'travel to promote their drug-free lifestyle in arenas that range from NBA halftime shows to elementary school assemblies.'"

Well, that explains why my group, The JP Aeronautics Dancers, didn't take off. It's the "drug-FREE" part that didn't take. I see my mistake now.

Posted by: JP | December 11, 2007 11:49 AM | Report abuse

I agree. This post is better. Love Ivan and Mikes articles, but the posters there seem to really rip a new butt hole in the Wizards no matter how well they play. Too much negativity for me.

Posted by: Anonymous | December 11, 2007 12:41 PM | Report abuse


You left out Fact # 13:

AD will be in the far left red ball (1) during the Verizon triple play tonight. The pattern seems to mimic Fibonacci with a twist ...

1,1,2,3,2,2,3,1,3,1,1,3,2,2, ...

Posted by: craig | December 11, 2007 5:08 PM | Report abuse

Where does one get ahold of those sweet "District of Caron" towels?

Posted by: Mike in SD | December 11, 2007 6:23 PM | Report abuse

Mike in SD - I think they give out those towels at the Verizon center. They have named one section of seats Gil City and one section of seats District of Caron. I sit in Gil City so I got one of those towels. I'm assuming they gave the Caron towels to those in the other section but I don't know for sure

Posted by: Vibha | December 11, 2007 8:04 PM | Report abuse

District of Caron gets White Towels & Bangers (Sections 104-108)

Gil City gets Blue Towels & Bangers (Sections 115-118)

Antawn's Army gets No Towels (Sections 207-208)

Pecherov's Philistines gets No Towels (Section TBD)

Antonio's Entourage gets No Towels (Section 206)

Mason's Madness gets No Towels (Section 209)

Young's Yummy Burritos gets No Towels (Section TBD)

The Hill gets No Towels (Sections 400-433)

Posted by: gwiz = gman | December 12, 2007 9:26 AM | Report abuse

Do you mean Caron acts like Kobe for fun or did he absorbed this kind of behaviour?

Posted by: ocho | December 14, 2007 12:17 PM | Report abuse

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