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Giant Presidents and Gil's Constipation

This is Sway the Irishman, the winner of last year's Nick Rimando hunt. He was the game last night, with a mohawk.

Much of this was written while in a car with Mike Wise, on our way to FedEx Field last night for the beginning of Washington's glorious march to the Super Bowl ... playoffs ... regular-season finale. After the game I was scrambling to write a hastily constructed story about nothing, and so I have nothing more to add about that other than Fred Smoot's post-vomit declaration: "I feel terrible."

Although I can say that easily the best thing that happened last night was the live blogging of the game on Todd Collins's blog. This should be a fun week.

So for now, let me present a whole mess of links that any good D.C. sports fan should at least click through, links that are a combination of old and older but which still demand my attention. Starting with, of course,

* Gilbert's latest blog entry. It's a rambling, goofy and serious hodgepodge, ranging from sneakers to Sean Taylor, but the most remarkable part--as FanHouse noted--was the piece on pain killers. Gilbert, you see, doesn't take 'em. Why?

1. I'm against pills in general. I think it's a coward's way to deal with pain. You take some pills, then the pills get you sleepy.

2. The main reason is though that it blocked my stomach up last time and I couldn't use the restroom. I couldn't use the restroom for like five days, and I didn't want to go through that pain again.

Which, I guess, is why Gilbert's always loved the regular season. Get it? Regular? Yeah. Also, an essay on why Gilbert's injury might actually be a good thing for his career.

* Congrats are due to the Giant Racing Presidents, who just won the award for Best Contest or On-Field Promotion, from And in a related story, Jim Bowden is pushing for new races honoring the U.S. Grant, Harding and Nixon administrations. Yup, that's the first time anyone has ever used the Elijah Dukes signing as a way to reference Teapot Dome.

* In case you haven't read enough Etan Thomas screeds essays, here's one of his latest, about Mike Huckabee, the death penalty and Jesus, on the Huffington Post. And here's another one, in which he discusses the Sean Taylor coverage, and our friend Colin Cowherd, meaning we're on the same team here. And Etan's co-writer Dave Zirin already had his own take on this same issue, in which he discussed the "reptilian journalists rehashing their own racist rhetoric." (Hint: he doesn't like them.)

* In case you haven't seen enough Sean Taylor tributes, here's another one, from Colt Brennan, who apparently loved No. 21. * Also . . . . . . A Taylor tribute . . . . . and another Taylor tribute . . . . .

* In case you haven't read enough BB&T coverage, this is likely the best tale that emerged from that tournament. It's a sad tale, in which a contestant in an on-court bungee court promotion became short of breath, was taken to the medical area, hooked up to a heart monitor, given an oxygen mask, and diagnosed with either a cracked rib or an abdominal strain. Get well soon, Mason Super Fan.

* Did you know that every Division I football program in the country has expressed interest in hiring Paul Johnson?

* Did you know that Joe Gibbs has been inducted into the "History's Worst Time Outs Club?" Well, it's true. Which is why you can go look at this excellent photo of Gibbs's head pasted on top the timeout-calling body of Chris Webber. Another timeout take over here. And here's something linking Joe Gibbs and Heathers.

* By the way, Vegas made "We knew this was going to be hard-fought" a 4-3 favorite over "I'm so proud of our guys" as Gibbs's opening statement last night, but the latter won out in a small upset. I didn't see him use "hard fought" once, as a matter of fact.

* This was written before last night's glorious win, but D.C. fans apparently have a grimmer future than those of every other major city but for Miami. The Legend of Cecilio Guante said so.

* Oh, and Kwame Brown's New Year's Eve Party? Trust me, you don't want to miss it. He promises he will "bring the heat back" to New Year's Eve, provided he doesn't get a belly ache.

By Dan Steinberg  |  December 7, 2007; 9:17 AM ET
Categories:  Nats , Redskins , Wizards  
Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   StumbleUpon   Technorati   Google Buzz   Previous: The Gorillas Are Here
Next: GW's Hobbs Gets Heated


I'd rather hang with Phil Chenier and Sen. Ben Cardin than Kwame Brown on New Years.

Posted by: | December 7, 2007 9:34 AM | Report abuse

Number 2 and 5? I suppose by their limited criteria Balmer mught be #5, but no way is DC #2. The Wiz kids have been actually been doing well even without Gil. I wonder if they've ever hear of this guy Caron Butler? I hear he's really good. Might even be an All-Star.

Posted by: EricS | December 7, 2007 10:30 AM | Report abuse

I smell a Mason Super Lawsuit. That guy's gonna take Feinstein for everything he's worth.

Posted by: Kev | December 7, 2007 10:57 AM | Report abuse

"I think the Lord's blessed us with a great group of guys." "I think the Lord's blessed us with a great group of guys." "I think the Lord's blessed us with a great group of guys." "I think the Lord's blessed us with a great group of guys." "I think the Lord's blessed us with a great group of guys." "I think the Lord's blessed us with a great group of guys." "I think the Lord's blessed us with a great group of guys." "I think the Lord's blessed us with a great group of guys."

Posted by: Geoff | December 7, 2007 12:31 PM | Report abuse

it may be more of a testament to the, shall we say, unevenness of the Eastern Conference, but John Hollinger's playoff odds give the Wizards a 98.5% chance of making the playoffs right now, with a 1% chance of making the finals.

Posted by: jamie | December 7, 2007 2:13 PM | Report abuse

forgot that this thing doesn't allow HTML in the comments. the link:

Posted by: jamie | December 7, 2007 2:14 PM | Report abuse

I wonder if Kwame will serve cake at his party?

Posted by: EdTheRed | December 7, 2007 3:51 PM | Report abuse

Dukes'll probably shoot Lincoln from the dugout.

Posted by: Lindemann | December 7, 2007 4:00 PM | Report abuse

Now you're mentioned in the update to the Paul Johnson story.
Too bad this is probably the closest Virginia Tech will ever come to playing Navy in football and Georgia Tech will still lose to Georgia.

Posted by: sitruc | December 8, 2007 4:07 AM | Report abuse

It's safe to say if cowherd and I ever cross paths, his throat will feel quite punched soon thereafter. Is it too early to nominate him for the lifetime acheivement award at this year's Douchies?

Posted by: M1LK5H4K3 | December 8, 2007 8:25 AM | Report abuse

Good thing a lot of people jumped off the Virginia Tech basketball bandwagon, the Hokies are playing consistent Virginia Tech basketball again. The young team is running a simplified offense and the new kids are buying into the defense faster than I expected. The basketball team is going to pull a few upsets. Hopefully not everybody will overlook them because of those early growing pain losses.

Posted by: sitruc | December 9, 2007 8:11 PM | Report abuse

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