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Pech vs. Dave Hopla

Hopla would beat Gilbert in a shooting contest. For reals. (Katherine Frey - TWP)

Dave Hopla, as you might recall, is the Wizards' shooting savant, an assistant coach who can apparently shoot the basketball better than any human, and who once made 14 million consecutive free throws.

Oleksiy Pecherov, you might recall, is the Wizards' lanky Ukrainian prospect, a young man who's currently outfitted in a walking boot and has recorded zero minutes in his NBA career.

Today, they decided to play HORSE. This was basically Redskins-Patriots on hardwood, minus the hard-fought stuff.

"Problem is, I never ever see you make a shot," Pech said to Hopla at the outset, attempting to talk trash.

"Open your eyes," Hopla told him as he drained a three. "You're blind."

"First time," Pech said. "Everything happens for a first time."

Quickly, Pech was made a HO. "Other side," Hopla said, walking to the other side. "No more Mr. Nice Guy."

He made another three without touching the rim, and Pech missed. That made it HOR. Hopla then drained a three from far in the corner and Pech missed again, making it HORS. Finally, Hopla decided to bank in an NBA three-pointer, which also swished, if you can call a banked three-pointer a swish.

"I've got problems, man," Pech said as he sized up the shot. "Two weeks I don't shoot. He beat me already. [Expletive.] I've got to make zis shot."

Director of Player Development Ed Tapscott entered the gym. "I'm up to three Russian dinners now," Hopla told him.

"I hope you like borscht," Tapscott said.

Pech banked in the NBA three. It was a miracle. It was Fred Smoot locking down Randy Moss. The momentum seemed to swing in the Ukrainian's favor. But alas, Hopla made a three from the top of the key, and Pech missed, and it was over. The whole thing lasted maybe 43 seconds.

"Wait," Pech said. "I'll come back."

"I'll be waiting," Hopla said."

I asked Pech to critique the master. "He make buckets," Pech said. "He know how shoot ball, man. How old you?"

"50," Hopla said.

"He's [expletive] 50 and he make from every spot. From every spot, swishes, you know what I mean?"

It's truly remarkable. Assistant coaches are not allowed to be profiled by media members right now, so I'm going to start fabricating weekly stories about a young Dave Hopla throwing acorns into garden hoses from 60 paces or something.

By Dan Steinberg  |  December 4, 2007; 3:29 PM ET
Categories:  Wizards  
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Next: Eight Outstanding Wizards Facts


I'm afraid of what will happen with Pech, Arenas and Blatche all get healthy at the same time. Dan, you might have to go on 24-hour alert for that one.

Posted by: TG | December 4, 2007 3:45 PM | Report abuse

What is "Assistant coaches are not allowed to be profiled by media members right now" supposed to mean?

Is it that the Wizards don't want them to talk to the media?

Who has the right to tell media members who they can and cannot profile?

Posted by: Dirty Davey | December 4, 2007 3:57 PM | Report abuse

So what you are implying is, O-Pech couldn't Superman dat H-O...

Posted by: | December 4, 2007 4:26 PM | Report abuse

Pech not only has a fine command of the English language already, but a finer command of the profane English language.

Posted by: JGP | December 4, 2007 4:43 PM | Report abuse

awesome story!!!

Posted by: | December 4, 2007 5:11 PM | Report abuse,

It's "supersoak that ho." Get your rap lyrics down straight.

-Barno out.

Posted by: Barno | December 5, 2007 12:30 PM | Report abuse

alas, the chorus is superman that ho

Posted by: Anonymous | December 7, 2007 3:10 PM | Report abuse

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