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Atlantic 11 in Than-Bauk


Two weeks ago, one deranged Local Poll voter chose to submit his entire ballot in haiku form. Last week, that same poor soul, Bill Fitzgerald, one-upped himself by submitting his entire ballot in limerick form, despite the fact that there wasn't even a poll that week. Sick, right?

And now, I present to you the equally deranged Scott Allen, who submitted his ballot this week, wouldn't you know, in Than-Bauk form.

"As much as I loved Bill Fitzgerald's haiku and limericks, I think the Than-Bauk form is more befitting the majority of the teams that make up the Atlantic 11," Scott wrote. "That is to say, the climbing rhyme of Burmese origin is both crappy and forgettable."

Here here. Before we get to Scott's ballot and the rest of the pithy comments, two Maryland notes.

1) Gold uniforms! Pictures at Mister Irrelevant.

2) Forbes magazine has ranked the Terps the 17th-most valuable college basketball franchise. "A Terrapins ticket is perhaps toughest to come by in all of college hoops," the magazine writes. Well, maybe after a GW ticket, I'd say.

Scott's work follows, and apologies if it's punctuated incorrectly. Can't wait to see next week's chosen form of college basketball verse. Cinquains, anyone?

Georgetown
Hoyas down Knights;
Set their sights on new heights - UConn.

George Mason
Pats jump to two;
Almost blew lead, but phew, hung on.

Virginia
Where is the D?
Don't ask me, dude For three...it's good!

VCU
Rebound from loss,
Maynor is boss, league is toss-up, fool.

James MadisonDukes fall to Pride;
Run and hide, as this ride is stalled.

UMBC
Dogs in '08;
Looking great for a date in Dance?

Virginia Tech
In wake of bust,
Hokies must win; Jack Cust did 'roids.

Maryland
So hot right now;
Gary's vow: Terps will wow in March.

Richmond
Spiders surprise,
On the rise for now; sky's limit?

Old Dominion
Monarchs fade fast
in the past month; near last in poll.

Well done, Scott. And now, more pith, starting with

Georgetown

(and any dated references are due to my taking five days to get these things published)

Jonathan Wallace recently set the school record for career three pointers. In other Georgetown record news, Dikembe Mutombo still holds the Hoya record for most accurate unintentional cookie monster impression. (Markus V.)

Roy Hibbert ranks roughly 300th in the nation in shots per game, but he's first in recognition per shots per game. (David Larimer)

We are rapidly approaching a point where Georgetown will only fall out of the top spot if they disband the men's basketball program altogether. (Jason Anderson)

Georgetown is the only local team that should be mentioned in the same sentence as the word "Poll." (Todd Turner, who used the rest of his ballot on football players)

Virginia

Only in this poll can a team lose by 245 points and still be ranked near the top. (Glenn Arnold)

Losing at Xavier: not embarrassing. Losing at Xavier by 38: very embarrassing. (Eric Swensen)

Teams that lost to Xavier by more than 30 points: SE Missouri St., Delaware St., Coppin St., Belmont, Virginia. You don't have to be Paul Rodgers to know that that is Bad Company. (Jamie Paquette)

If I were Dennis Miller, I'd saying that the Cavaliers got throttled by a Xavier team that looked more balanced than Tatiana Gutsu at the '92 Olympics in Barcelona. (Tim Lemke)

The Cavs were beaten so badly by the Xavier Musketeers that not only did all three of the Musketeers score in double figures, but the entire Mars family of candybars got into the game, even the Mars Bar itself, which is the walk-on of the candybar world. (Markus V.)

I feel dirty for not voting them down after they lost a game by 38. But it's not my fault a certain other team couldn't beat 3-8 Georgia State. (David Larimer)

George Mason

I feel dirty for not voting them down after they lost to Georgia State. But it's not my fault a certain other team couldn't beat 2-9 Hofstra. (David Larimer)

There are a few teams that start with Georgia that you can lose to without it being so bad: Georgia, Georgia Tech, Georgia Southern. Not on this list: Georgia State. (Paul Campbell)

Boy, the Left-Hander still has a few tricks up his sleeve, that ol' snake-charmer! Wait, you're telling me Lefty Driesell isn't coaching Georgia State anymore? Mason lost to a team coached by failed Ole Miss coach Rod Barnes? Well done, Patriots. (Matt Bonesteel)

Unfortunately came up short in the annual "Battle of Teams Maryland Beat in the 2001 Tournament." (Max Wass)

How will "lost to a team coming off a home loss to Bethune Cookman" look on their resume in March? They might have to pull a George O'Leary with that one. (Jamie Paquette)

After watching the season premier of "The Wire," Jim Larranaga decides that his team's loss to Georgia State was definitely the fault of the Baltimore Sun. (Bill Fitzgerald)

Virginia Commonwealth

It's as good of a time as any to work this in: VCU has an inordinately high number of NFL-related names on their roster (Shuler, Anderson, Kearse, Sanders, and Rozzell). (Glenn Arnold)

James Madison

Dukes [were] 3-4 on the road, which wouldn't be damning if those team's RPIs didn't add up to nearly 1,500. (David Larimer)

Only slightly more trustworthy than a Harrisonburg prostitute. (Matt Bonesteel)

Game against Hosftra was more about prejudice than pride. (Michael Palan)

Dean Smith > Dean Keener > Dean Wormer. (Bill Fitzgerald)

Beer pong team is still top five. (Jason Anderson)

UMBC

I'm not sure if "Relative Success Through the Ineptitude of Others" is very catchy as a rallying cry for the 07-08 Retriever season, but it's sure as hell accurate. (Paul Campbell)

Retrievers narrowly avoided disaster after their team bus was besieged by reporters in New Hampshire who thought UMBC stood for "Undecided Mens' Black Caucus." (Jamie Paquette)

The Retrievers won in New Hampshire Sunday by being aggressive and capitalizing on their opponent's mistakes. Hillary won in the Granite State with a fake cackle and very thinly veiled disgust at her current position. (Markus V.)

If you told me that, at any point, I would have voted UMBC at No. 4, I would have to call you a liar and possibly a thief. (Jason Anderson)

Retrievers surge into the middle of the Bog pack based on a 14-point win over Stony Brook, which either is a school or a type of high-end paint sold at Restoration Hardware. (Matt Bonesteel)

Maryland

To paraphrase Confucius: A journey to the NIT begins with wins over Delaware, Savannah State, and Charlotte. (Matt Mandel)

After beating Charlotte and Holy Cross, Gary Williams puts names back on players' lockers but uses erasable ink so they don't get cocky. (Bill Fitzgerald)

Starters now in place, Gary Williams no longer the candidate of change. Not having to explain losses last week, he longer gives "stumped" speech. (Paul Bergeron)

Here's hoping Gary doesn't freak out Knight-style and bring Brenda Frese's newborn twins to a late-season press conference. (Matt Bonesteel)

If the Terps can handle mid-majors Holy Cross and Virginia Tech, they'll have a good bit of momentum heading into ACC play. (Markus V.)

Crap, have they turned it around now entering ACC play? They were so much more fun when the implosion of Sweaty Gary was a distinct possibility every game. I guess Terp students have to put away the angry couches and start shopping for celebratory couches for the next riot. (Paul Campbell)

Virginia Tech

If you pretend they didn't lose to Richmond then I'll pretend they still belong in this poll. (Glenn Arnold)

Hokies lose to Richmond, fall to 2-2 against Bog Poll teams, with their only wins against Liberty and GW/ So it's really more like 1.5-2. (Paul Campbell)

Think 61 photos of Paige Greenberg watching Virginia Tech basketball is hot? Wait till someone posts 61 photos of Blaine Taylor watching Montana football. Ladies, you know what I'm talking about. (David Larimer)

Upcoming game against Maryland could have big impact on which team makes that sub-NIT thing they just started. (Matt Bonesteel)

Saturday's game against the Terps will be the thrilling conclusion of ESPN's "I can't believe these are major Division I programs Week." (Bill Fitzgerald)

Richmond

Won the first college basketball game played this season. Chances of them winning the last game played are approximately 12,730,000,000,000:1. (Jamie Paquette)

How did the Spiders manage a three-game win streak after their poor start? By playing three straight games against other A-11 teams. (David Larimer)

Tied with Georgetown for longest active Bog Poll win streak of [now four!] games. Also like the Hoyas, they play five men on the court at a time. There the similarities end. (Bill Fitzgerald)

American

With apologies to Johnny Carson, I'm doing this one Carnac-style. A: "Knock your team out of a second-rate basketball poll." Q: "What can Brown do for you?" (Jamie Paquette)

What does Brown mean to the Eagles? A return to college basketball anonymity! (Ted Gotsch)

Their starting lineup is filled with guys who have soccer names -- Bryce Simon, Travis Lay, Cornelio Guibunda, Derrick Mercer, and Garrison Carr. If I didn't know better, I might think that was the midfield for Wigan or another low-level Premiership squad. (Markus V.)

Memo to Jeff Jones: The statute of limitations on that Maryland win runs out next week. (Glenn Arnold)

Old Dominion

7-8 is the new 8-7. (Michael Palan)

Also Receiving Pith

Hampton

Didn't play last week, making them the hottest team in the area. (Max Wass)

The MEAC daddies of the MEAC. (Michael Palan)

Pirates' worst loss (out of six) was to, um, Maryland. (Matt Bonesteel)

William & Mary

Builds on win against Montreat [this is not a French candy bar] and ODU to crack the Top 10 for the first time since the Reformation. (Adam Anthony)

By Dan Steinberg  |  January 11, 2008; 12:24 PM ET
Categories:  College Basketball  
Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   Del.icio.us   StumbleUpon   Technorati   Google Buzz   Previous: Kimmel/Letterman Copying DeShawn/Gooden
Next: Hoyas Win! Pikachu Returns!

Comments

Dan, why the constant negativity towards UMD? Sure they're down this year, but 2002 wasn't that long ago. And no other area team, besides Georgetown (and the one year fluke of George Mason), ever has a shot nationally.

Quit ragging on majors and make fun of the wimpy minor area schools.

Posted by: JDP | January 11, 2008 12:56 PM | Report abuse

make fun of the wimpy schools? where's the fun in that? there's a limit to the number of jokes that can be made about teams when all the material you have to go with is player names and school location.

a mediocre Maryland team is gold for the Bog Poll, and this stuff shouldn't be taken seriously anyway. if you're looking for uncritical, glowing coverage, there's plenty of places to find it.

Posted by: jamie | January 11, 2008 1:45 PM | Report abuse

DC Sports Bog - Where Mid-Major Pith Happens.

Posted by: ScottVanPeltStyle.com | January 11, 2008 2:10 PM | Report abuse

I'm a die hard Terps fan, have season football tickets, and am in fact from Greenbelt.

But MD hoops tickets are hard to find? How'd I scrounge up 12 tickets to the Wake Forest game on Tuesday?

Posted by: Chris | January 11, 2008 4:39 PM | Report abuse

There once was a poll, much heralded
Whose voters were nothing short of derelicts
They tried to be cunning
With tons of bad puns-ing
Dear God, no more rhymes, Bill Fitzgeralded

Posted by: Francis Xavier Schwartz | January 11, 2008 8:48 PM | Report abuse

Alex Ovechkin just signed the richest professional sporting deal for any athlete in DC history and not a single mention of it here?

SHAME!!

Posted by: very disapointed in the dc sports bog | January 12, 2008 11:10 AM | Report abuse

GW sells tickets? When were they going to tell people?

Maybe someone'll show up next game.

Posted by: Dave | January 12, 2008 11:22 AM | Report abuse

Kearse is an actual cousin to Jevon Kearse!

Posted by: GQ | January 23, 2008 2:54 PM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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