Jonathan Ogden With a Lasso
So I went to the media party Tuesday night at Corona Ranch in Laveen, Arizona. The Gin Blossoms were there. I've never felt so sorry for a group of highly paid rock musicians. I figured this would be as good a time as any to play the What Was More Depressing game. Here goes.
1) What Was More Depressing?
a) Walking into the media party and realizing that the next three hours would be a battle for depression supremacy between the smell of manure and the taste of Coors Light, the sort of battle where everyone loses, several times over.
b) Walking into the media party and realizing that the vegetarian dining options consisted primarily of pasta with peas.
c) Walking into the media party's restrooms, and going past the sign that said "No Greenhorns."
d) Walking into the media party.
2) What Was More Depressing?
a) The emcee getting ready for the featured entertainment with this line: "What better way to celebrate Arizona than to have the Arizona Office of Tourism as our title sponsor!?!?!?!"
b) The Gin Blossoms introducing their set with this line: "Hello Press Corps, welcome to Arizona!!!!!!"
3) What Was More Depressing?
a) Studiously taking note of all the rodeo-themed entertainment options, from the Steer Roping to the Quick Draw Contest to the Mechanical Bull.
b) Realizing that yes, that was Jonathan Ogden mounting the horse for some Steer Roping.
c) Realizing that WNST's "Nasty" Nestor Aparicio was getting the Jonathan Ogden video that you were missing.
d) Spotting two Buffalo News reporters and realizing that even these 14 years after you've left Western New York, you'd still be wiling to bow down and scrub their shoes if the Buffalo News reporters would merely look you in the eye and say hello.
4) What Was More Depressing?
a) Writing down a list of all the famous people at the media party and realizing that by golly, Woody Paige was absolutely the most famous person at the Corona Ranch, and yes, that includes the Gin Blossoms.
b) Being asked to pose for a photo with New York Times writer Greg Bishop by a guy named Wally who provides security for Monday Night Football.
c) Spotting the monkey puppet that had appeared at media day earlier in the afternoon, and realizing that said monkey puppet was likely even more famous than Woody Paige.
5) What Was More Depressing?
a) Being told by a bartender that she worked the Jack Daniels VIP Party Monday night, and that the Jack Daniels party had "a different caliber" of attendee than the media party.
b) Realizing that the young ladies in jeans and cowboy hats and short shirts dancing on the bars had a name, and that said name was the "Bar-Rockin' Divas."
c) Stumbling upon the media party's "Cigar and Wine Bar," which was everything you'd expect, and less.
6) What Was More Depressing?
a) Learning that the media party would not serve shots of alcohol without at least one cube of ice.
b) Hearing this from the emcee: "Cold Stone Creamery, FairyTale Brownies, we had everything at the media party!!!!"
c) Getting seconds of the pasta with peas.
7) What Was More Depressing
a) Hearing the Gin Blossoms introduced as "the band that put Arizona on the map."
b) Watching an employee of the YES Network lip syncing to the strains of "Till I Hear It From You."
c) Watching Tim Cowlishaw tape some sort of video to the strains of "Allison Road."
d) Leaving the media party to the strains of "Hey Jealousy."
e) Collecting a pint glass shaped like a boot while leaving the media party, only to drop the pint glass and watch it smash into 17 pieces in downtown Phoenix, shortly before the police inquired as to whether you were in downtown Phoenix for legitimate business reasons.
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