Chad Johnson Being Held Hostage in Cincy
Clearly Chad Johnson deserves to be in Washington. He could shave mohawks into Mr. Snyder's hair, turn Fred Smoot into "the quiet guy," dress up in drag with Clinton Portis and wear short shorts with Chris Cooley. He could get unemployed "Monk for the Hall" grunts to join his Hall of Fame campaign, grandstand with Robert Wexler and Henry Waxman, compete with Steve Buckhantz for best D.C.-athlete-themed Super Bowl commercial, shove public relations staffers, and provide me an average of 3.7 blog items per week. Theoretically I guess he could play football too. Obviously we're doing our part to fan these flames, but Marvin Lewis just isn't cooperating:
"No one within the Bengals organization has ever spoken of or ever uttered anything about trading Chad Johnson, nor will he be traded," he told the Cincy Enquirer yesterday.
Johnson, of course, is on a media lockout that may or may not extend to bloggers, but he did have some sort of bizarre Ray Lewis-involved interview with USA Today at the Pro Bowl that led to Gilbert-tinged quotes like this:
Have I ever caused controversy? [Um, yes. - ed.] Think about it. Never got in trouble on the field or off the field.
But I get in trouble for having fun. My motive was to play the game the way I was brought up; play the game how I was raised back in Miami, playing around the Hurricanes. Have fun.
Hey, I'm already convinced, you're hired. Later, the reporter takes the obnoxious step of quoting Art Monk in opposition to Ocho, like so: "Today's players seem more worried about free agency and money," Monk says. "I took great pride in being a Redskin my entire career. I watch today's receivers, and they're so talented, but sometimes the grass isn't always greener."
Unless it's Daniel Snyder's grass, which, trust me, is always way, way greener. And it suddenly occurs to me that all the things people loved Art Monk for would have made him possibly the least bloggable wide receiver in NFL history.
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