Joe Theismann Hits a New Low
Man, one year Theismann is doing Monday Night Football, the next year he's starring in staged Super Bowl Internet interviews purporting to be about the game that turn into commercials for a new snack food that's part-pretzel, part-cracker. Quite a rapid fall. Sort of like writing an A1 Washington Post story for an audience of hundreds of thousands one day, and then a few days later trolling around the Internet and trying to pretend that poor-production-quality online videos featuring ex-Redskins quarterbacks are of some interest to anyone in the world.
Anyhow, first Theismann breaks down the Giants-Patriots matchup, and then he's asked what makes a good Super Bowl, and he begins by talking about high-scoring games and hard hits and late field goals, and then he ends with this:
There are tremendous back-and-forth ebbs and flows within the game. But if you're gonna have a party and you're at home, you HAVE to have Town House's brand new Flipsides. It's part-pretzel, it's part-cracker, and it's all good. They're put together. Think of what you can do. Use your imagination. What can you put on the cracker?
Believe it or not, this isn't Theismann's only fake interview concerning the amazing part-cracker part-pretzel snack, whose corporate minions are probably dancing with glee right now over the fact that I'm writing anything about Flipsides, and would probably still dance with glee even if I surmised that Flipsides tasted like part-sandpaper and part-packing crate, a supposition that I wouldn't possibly even be able to refute unless large quantities of sample Flipsides arrived at The Washington Post under my name.
Here's the second fake interview, the "Lifestyle Minute" featuring an interview with "Former NFL MVP and Super Bowl champ Joe Theismann."
SCRIPT: Theismann says he's also discovered Town House Flipsides, a new party snack as versatile as he was when he played football as a quarterback and punt returner.
CUT: (Theismann) It's true, not all snack foods are created equally. Town House Flipsides, the new pretzel cracker, combines the versatility of a cracker with the taste of a pretzel.
And here's the third fake interview, where Theismann is providing his Super Bowl planning tips, which include:
â€¢ Tip #4--Add mood with music. Music adds ambience to any gathering. Compile your favorite party songs on to two or three CDs and put the CD player on repeat for the length of the party--and don't forget to dance!
Concerning fans and the Super Bowl, in the video above Theismann says "you'll take anything," which, considering the circumstances, seems an appropriate line.
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