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Kornheiser Names His Blogging Enemy

Washington Post Radio, 3WT, same difference.

So after yesterday's publication of the Tony Kornheiser anti-blogging screed was picked up by several blogs, Tony called me. I was in the Blog Show conference call at the time, allowing uber blogger Jamie Mottram, Comcast SportsyNet producer Andy Siegel and lowlife intern John Talty to hear my humiliation. I mean, I crumbled like a cheap blue cheese. Within probably 30 seconds, while a speaker phone broadcast my cave-in, I was telling Tony I was a TK fanboy (which is true, but no less humiliating).

(And, by the way, when we're kids, we all grow up thinking we're going to do something great with our lives, right? Something noble and useful, something we can be proud of, something that will give us an outside chance at being invited to the White House or otherwise honored by our country. And then the dream dies, and some of us spend all our time writing about vomit and Tony Kornheiser.)

Anyhow, as I mentioned to the gents at Kissing Suzy Kolber, I initially thought Tony's blogger rant might have been directed at them, but then decided it was almost definitely directed at DCRTV. TK told me yesterday that he was, in fact, speaking of one specific blogger, whom he declined to name, but he then spent much of the first segment of his show this morning attempting to clear up what he referred to as "The Cheeseboy Controversy." Some highlights after the jump.

His introductory remarks, I would argue, were among the most enlightening, or, anyhow, among the most likely to get this item linked elsewhere today. In full:

TK: Yesterday I was all over what is affectionately referred to at PTI as "The Blogosphere." And David, you do blogging, so you know about this. There are four or five sports blogs that are out there that are read on a daily basis by a lot of people in the sports business, and I'm going to name them so that they know that I know what they are: Deadspin I think is probably first among equals, there's something called The Big Lead, there's something called With Leather--the explanation for which I can't go into due to my employment circumstance--and there's one called Kissing Suzy Kolber. Am I leaving any out that are big?

[Ed. note: Sigh.]

David Aldridge: Well, there's a couple more.

TK: Well, I don't know the others

David Aldridge: The Starting Five is a good one.

Tony: I don't know the others, I don't know the others, and I will confess to you that I don't read these things. And the reason I don't read these things is because I'm fair game. And I don't really want to know. If you say something good about me, I'm only happy for a minute, and if you say something bad about me I obsess about it for years. So there's no point in me reading these things, and I've been pretty good about that. Although people--and I would call them well-meaning people but they're not well-meaning people--always bring them to my attention. They always do. And I say to them--like, members of my own family, my son--I say look, don't tell me about it. I don't want to know about it. Just, when I cash the checks, stand by my side and smile, but don't tell me about these things any more.

Which is sort of the way bloggers deal with the world, except exactly the opposite. Anyhow, he went on to talk about my excerpt, and how it sounded like something he would say, and how he talks so much he can't keep track of what he's said where, and how "eventually I'm gonna strangle myself with the sound of my own yap," and then I'm gonna have to excerpt again:

So I called him up, because he then, he took some of the words that I said and didn't twist them around but then used other words that I said to point out what a complete fatuous buffoon I am, which 50 percent of the time is true. And I understand that.

So I called him up and I said, 'Cheeseboy, I just want you to know, that 'blog' is not about you. Ok, don't take it personally, it's not about you.' He said, 'Well it seemed to be about all bloggers.' Yeah, but it's about a specific guy. So I said I would talk about it today, a specific guy. And he said, I think he said, 'Well, how do I know it's not about me.' [Which I didn't exactly say, but close enough, I guess.] And I said, 'Because if it was about you I would have said Cheeseboy.' I would have done that. Like I would say The USA Today Jerk, or The Magazine Guy Whose Only Job Ought to be Picking up Urine Samples. Ok? So that's what I would do, I would be very specific.

So this was about, I might as well say this, there's a guy in town who writes a blog about radio and television, ok? And it's about him. It's about him. I think I called him a fat naked mole rat, but I don't even know if he's fat. I've never met him, I've never seen him. I'm quite sure he's a naked mole rat.

So that, as I suggested to several bloggers yesterday, was all the rant was about: DCRTV's various attempts to tell the world what will happen next with Tony Kornheiser's radio career. Just call Tony and ask him what will happen next with his career, was the point, and maybe he'll just tell you to go and die, or maybe he'll answer. Had Tony confined his original rant to Dave Hughes, though, I would not have gotten all those links yesterday, so I thank him for being vague.

Also, Susan O'Malley was on today's show, and since I used to always write Wizards PR pieces she apparently likes me ok and said nice things about me and so I, in turn, like her very much. She said she never reads the paper, though, to avoid criticism, while David Aldridge said "I read everything about me and I write it down and I know who my enemies are....and I hate them and I wish them ill."

"So, to make a very, very long story short and wrap it up," Kornheiser said, in conclusion, "I was not attacking all the blogs--although God knows I could if I wanted to--and they could attack me. No. It was this, particular fat naked mole rat that I was after....So I have no particular beef with [the D.C. Sports Bog]. It's not like, it's not like other people at the paper who come to town and in three days steal all my stuff and say, 'Oh, I want to be like him, so I'll take EVERY THING HE DOES and pretend like nobody's seen it before....And I think I've cleared up that matter too, I think we've spoken over the years and I don't think that's a problem, although it could be."

And having listened to all this and then listened to it again to transcribe it and then typed it out, let me just say what you're all probably thinking: "sucking mole rat" is a much better insult than "naked mole rat."

By Dan Steinberg  |  February 26, 2008; 10:54 AM ET
Categories:  Media  
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You guys are hilarious! Do you ever sit back and wonder how you all get paid to have interactions, conversation, and written dialog like this? Life must me great.


Posted by: Uzo Ometu | February 26, 2008 11:25 AM | Report abuse

Tony Kornheiser is human scum and you shouldn't be wasting your space on him.

Posted by: Joe | February 26, 2008 11:29 AM | Report abuse

That was hilarious, Cheeseboy!

Posted by: Ian | February 26, 2008 11:50 AM | Report abuse

1. Do you know how much I wish somebody hated me enough to say something about me and encourage others to read and hate as well? Do you?

2. Adsense don't sell itself, homey.

3. Is everybody at the Post this jealous of you?

Posted by: | February 26, 2008 11:52 AM | Report abuse

Kornheiser sucks, but he's at least self-aware. That's gotta count for something.

Posted by: | February 26, 2008 11:55 AM | Report abuse

Random observations:

"The Magazine Guy Whose Only Job Ought to be Picking up Urine Samples", or, would be a great name for a blog.

When TK calls someone a "fat naked mole rat" I think about pots and kettles.

And the irony of course is that "Cheeseboy" was so 2006 (although it's only a matter of time before Darvin's mom starts referring to you as Agent Cheez - hmm, I smell a t-shirt)...

Posted by: Rob Iola | February 26, 2008 11:56 AM | Report abuse

I thought the Suzy Koebler take-off was dead-on. Tony is truly a legend in his own mind and WWWT really ought to stop banking so much on him to carry the station. He used to be funny when he wrote for style, but now he is so in love with himself that his self-adoration steps all over his talent.

Love your blog.

Posted by: Bethesdaguy | February 26, 2008 12:16 PM | Report abuse

Couple of Jews in the sports biz battling it out. Gotta love it.

Posted by: Barno | February 26, 2008 12:32 PM | Report abuse

Just wondering--what exactly did Mike Wise steal from Tony Kornheiser? Did he do some Skins Bandwagon columns I missed? Did he use the term Lez Boulez--and not pay a licensing fee to TK?

Posted by: Fingerman | February 26, 2008 1:10 PM | Report abuse

But Tony, I love you!

Posted by: Unsilent Majority | February 26, 2008 1:26 PM | Report abuse

Tony K. is a cross between Andy Rooney on 60 Minutes and Oscar on the Odd Couple... Always cracky and whiney! He's a bore and I cannot believe that he gets paid to to Monday Night Football.

Posted by: Lewis | February 26, 2008 1:53 PM | Report abuse

Unsilent Majority loving him? Blah!

What bugs me is that Tony K. will NOT even mention the name of the radio station that feeds him - he skirts the required acknowldgment of 3WT and names the frequencies he is on! Emus bury their head in the sand and so does Tony - he ignores everything around him - even "Nigel" (who is good radio) gets nix time on the TK show - other 3WT shows use Stern's talents well.

Posted by: Valerie | February 26, 2008 3:05 PM | Report abuse

Tony K is a fan favorite and sure sometimes he says things that make no sense but hes funny and easy to like.

That doesn't mean that he's infallible, but Kornheiser and Steinz serve different purposes.

Posted by: JDP | February 26, 2008 3:06 PM | Report abuse

There are some great blogs out there, Tony. Take the Official Stephen A. Smith blog, for example.

Posted by: Jerk Store | February 26, 2008 3:16 PM | Report abuse

Why in God's name would you model yourself after Tony Kornheiser? If you're going to steal, steal from someone who's good. Aspire to be Shirley Povich or even Tom Boswell. TK? Not so much.

Dave Barry's won a Pulitzer. TK's best finish? Finalist, about ten years ago. You can do so much better . . .

Posted by: RL | February 26, 2008 6:09 PM | Report abuse

I'll get it out of the way:

The Cheese stands alone.

Posted by: Red Sox Monster | February 26, 2008 6:19 PM | Report abuse

People are still reading With Leather? I wouldn't have guessed that.

Posted by: Casey | February 26, 2008 6:20 PM | Report abuse


Apparently TK said back in the first few days of the revived show that they wanted him to say the frequencies rather than the call letters. I guess you don't have to believe him, but he doesn't seem to out-and-out lie about things like that.

Posted by: Mark | February 26, 2008 6:51 PM | Report abuse

I must say I certainly appreciate being refferred to as the "lowlife intern"

Posted by: Taltdawg | February 26, 2008 7:35 PM | Report abuse

Casey, With Leather is one of the most popular sports blogs on the internet.

Posted by: Unsilent Majority | February 27, 2008 12:03 AM | Report abuse

Looks like the Post is covering itself again. The end is near...

Posted by: Bob | February 27, 2008 9:24 AM | Report abuse

Wow. What a (insert your own degrading type of)bag Kornheiser is.

'course, can we be surprised to see this behavior from the guy who savaged Ken Beatrice and regularly picks on children (see, spelling bee)?

What a tool.

Posted by: proxl | March 4, 2008 4:02 PM | Report abuse

I can't believe how terrible Korny is on Monday Night Football. Has he been fired yet?

Posted by: Pino Doctor | April 17, 2008 2:42 PM | Report abuse

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