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Tony Kornheiser Appears to Like Bloggers

A naked mole rat. (National Zoo photo.)

Having thought long and hard about how best to attack the advancing scourge of bloggers, Tony Kornheiser apparently settled on this novel approach: he could make a joke about how they do nothing but sit in their collective mothers' collective basements and watch television. This dialogue comes from Friday's show, in which Tony and Jeanne McManus were rightly discussing Simon Cowell's increased nastiness during Idol eliminations the night before.

Jeanne: He was much meaner than usual, but what is so annoying is that then Randy and Paula undercut him and try to talk over him and he's the only one with any honesty.

Tony: It's a real, it's a real mistake, and it happens. And I don't want to single anybody out in this area, but, you know, some people sit at home and they watch TV and they watch radio and they "blog" about certain "things," and they think they know what they're talking about, and they think they have sources. They have no sources. They make stuff up. They're toads. They're little toads. Actually, they're pimples on the behind of the greater body politic in this country and in this city (everyone in the studio cackles for no reason). And because, because they have access to airwaves and three or four people read them, they think, 'Oh, I'm very important.'

In fact, in fact, if a huge dumpster landed on their mother's house (cackling), and got all the way into the basement and crushed them (more cackling), nobody would care. Nobody would miss them. They provide nothing good, no service that's any good at all. They, they are, they are, they are sucking mole rats (more cackling), and that's the nicest I can be to them. But because, because they have a name, or, you know, because they get feedback from others, you know, they think they're very important. Randy and Paula think the show can't go on without them.

Jeanne: I was wondering how you'd get back to that.

Tony: Here's how long the show would go on without them: for the rest of time. Because as long as Simon is there, there's a show, right Jeanne?

First of all, I couldn't disagree more with his Idol analysis. Paula and Randy might be silly, dishonest, pandering stooges, but sabermetrics be damned, the show works because of the chemistry between all three judges. It could fail within a season or two if you broke that up. I might stop watching immediately.

Secondly, geez, which blogger stole Tony's Metamucil last week? But I do agree that fame, respect and earthly oxygen should be reserved only for those humans who provide useful and well-sourced services for humanity, the most useful and well-sourced of these services being thrice-weekly Web conversations between retired columnists and NFL editors, which can, in the best of circumstances, lead to the following bit of printed wisdom from last Thursday's Washington Post:

Indiana could conceivably be a Final Four team. None of us who look at this say anything other than Kelvin Sampson's a really good coach. But if you don't fire him, when he's done the same infraction two years in a row at two different schools, if you don't, the penalty down the road is going to be severe.

On thus, on Feb. 21, 2008, did the body politic in this country and in this city become a better, less pimply place.

By Dan Steinberg  |  February 25, 2008; 9:52 AM ET
Categories:  Media  
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Tony Kornheiser mad at people for trafficking profitably in unsupported opinion? My Irony-O-Meter just broke.

Posted by: Lindemann | February 25, 2008 10:06 AM | Report abuse

Steinz, who is your source on this story?

Posted by: Unsilent Majority | February 25, 2008 10:33 AM | Report abuse

Tony's upset that bloggers never give up their sources to him.

Oh, and that Bog Show is competing with PTI.

Posted by: smperk | February 25, 2008 10:51 AM | Report abuse

There are probably guys who live in their parent's basements who would be more interesting to listen to on MNF than a bald and pasty old man who says nothing that makes any difference nor is intended to make any difference. The only difference between Dennis Miller and Kornheiser is that Miller was actually clever.

The mole rats and toads are going to live on while dinosaurs like Kornheiser are headed for extinction.

Posted by: pimpletoad | February 25, 2008 10:52 AM | Report abuse

Tony: (clears throat) "Get off my lawn!"

Posted by: Jamie Mottram | February 25, 2008 11:05 AM | Report abuse

Steinz' gets thrown into the "He who shall not be mentioned" category in 5...4...3...2...

Posted by: | February 25, 2008 11:21 AM | Report abuse

I thought Steinz was already on the "unmentioned" list. When was the last time TK mentioned "the cheese boy?"

Posted by: a guy in Newark | February 25, 2008 12:31 PM | Report abuse

Why does Tony Kornheiser hate my mother so much?

Posted by: Skin Patrol | February 25, 2008 12:35 PM | Report abuse

Bloggers are so lucky. Your mothers can just come downstairs to bring you fresh-baked cookies or hot pockets whenever you want them. TK is lucky when no one pushes him into oncoming traffic.

Posted by: athea | February 25, 2008 12:43 PM | Report abuse

How does one watch radio, Tony?

Posted by: twoeightnine | February 25, 2008 12:44 PM | Report abuse

Tony's constant yammering about American Idol has led to many of the hardcore blogger fans on the show to stop listening.

Posted by: how ironic | February 25, 2008 12:52 PM | Report abuse

Does that old geezer Kornholer know what century it is? I guess I should credit him for not calling it "the internets...a series of tubes".

If I drink six glasses of Metamucil and go to a 4pm dinner buffet, does he become entertaining?

Posted by: Patrick | February 25, 2008 1:05 PM | Report abuse

Good for you, Dan. Don't bother trying to find sources like his. Severe penalties for Indiana? That's good stuff.

Posted by: Bill | February 25, 2008 1:45 PM | Report abuse

Tell Tony K to stop ruining my football telecasts.

Posted by: My Pinstripes | February 25, 2008 2:12 PM | Report abuse

Bloggers live in basements?! I had never heard that opinion before! What other new and earth-shattering opinions does Tony Kornheiser have?

The fact that Kornheiser is still popular means that, in my book, the terrorists have won.

Posted by: Chest Rockwell | February 25, 2008 2:15 PM | Report abuse

Watch out for the dumpster!

Posted by: Red Sox Monster | February 25, 2008 2:38 PM | Report abuse

Seriously, the people in that studio with Kornheiser NEED TO BE KILLED. They need to GO DOWN LIKE CHEESE. WHAT are they laughing at?

Kornheiser died in the late 80s, but they wheel his carcass around and spout poor man's Woody Allenisms from behind him every so often, and then every one in the studio laughs for no reason

Posted by: thediesel | February 25, 2008 3:24 PM | Report abuse

"And because, because they have access to airwaves and three or four people read them, they think, 'Oh, I'm very important.'"

Tony, slow down and read that quote again. How are you important? Because you have big-media-approved "sources"? If you disappear tomorrow does the world even miss a beat? Feel lucky you get paid what you do to yak about sports and American Idol all day and stop sh*tting on those who do so for fun and for way less money (if any). You are eminently replaceable.

There's nothing more pathetic than old-guard "journalists" feeling threatened by bloggers and lashing out. It's like listening to Michael Scott defend Dunder Mifflin.

Posted by: jamie | February 25, 2008 3:30 PM | Report abuse

Kornheiser would be funny if he weren't so sad.

Oh, wait. No he wouldn't.

Posted by: afronation | February 25, 2008 4:04 PM | Report abuse

Tony, while I love you and PTI, perhaps you shouldn't be so harsh on bloggers when they may find it easy to throw your criticism right back at ya.

JW Stringer

Posted by: JW Stringer | February 25, 2008 4:34 PM | Report abuse

Satch just calls 'em as he sees 'em.

Posted by: Jimmy | February 25, 2008 5:16 PM | Report abuse

Tony no longer attends any events. He is a blogger himself whether he realizes it or not.

Posted by: Dave | February 25, 2008 5:19 PM | Report abuse

George Polk Awards: Bloggers (Joshua Micah Marshall/Talking Points memo) 1, Kornheiser 0.

Posted by: RL | February 25, 2008 5:59 PM | Report abuse

This guy spends valuable time going on and on about American Idol? At least he should talk about American Gladiators or professional wrestling, which are equally as contrived, but are at least tangentially sports related.

Posted by: Chris | February 25, 2008 8:16 PM | Report abuse

If you don't like it/him/them, you don't need to listen. Just a thought.

Posted by: Morton | February 25, 2008 10:44 PM | Report abuse

this sportsbloging fad is all very insignificant.

Posted by: Sorry, TK is right | February 26, 2008 3:04 AM | Report abuse

Sports Bloggers = Self-important dopes who spend more time with their site-meter than self-reflection.

TK = A guy playing a character who's self-important and who, by this remove, engenders self-reflection.

If you don't get it, don't listen. Unless, of course, you're listening, just waiting, even, for your crappy little blog to be "plugged."

Posted by: God, You People Are Idiots | February 26, 2008 7:44 AM | Report abuse

haha, that last comment is funny ...

Posted by: littles | February 26, 2008 8:20 AM | Report abuse

I remember actually being interested when I would see Tony Kornheiser's byline on a column back in the mid-90s. I think that was the last time.

Posted by: Lindemann | February 26, 2008 8:53 AM | Report abuse

Interestingly, i came to read this via a (very good) sportsblog. Kornheiser is obviously entitled to his (incorrect and irrelevant) opinion concerning this subject. Obviously (and rightly) feels very threatened by "non-vetted" observers in his "supposed" field of expertise. He can't disappear from MNF soon enough for my taste.

Posted by: MassDad | February 26, 2008 12:03 PM | Report abuse

Cheeseboy, im glad you heard Tony's radio show today. Also, to all of you Tony Haters his show is pretty good. Its damn good. And thats coming from a 24yr old. He is something we call sarcastic. If you talked to people then you would understand this concept. So please stop hating on Mr.Tony and go kiss a girl for the first time in your life. Or atleast kiss a fat naked mole rat.

P.S Cheeseboy I appreciate your sense of humor in not complaining on the fact that he calls you chesseboy. You don't seem to take yourself too seriously and can take a joke.

Posted by: Vick P | February 26, 2008 8:06 PM | Report abuse

What percent of the WashPost subscriber base reads blogs? Surely it's at least 10-15%.

Given the state of the newspaper industry, do you really want to employ columnists who go around alienating your customers?

Posted by: david foster | February 27, 2008 12:27 PM | Report abuse

"P.S Cheeseboy I appreciate your sense of humor in not complaining on the fact that he calls you chesseboy."

No, he just posts a transcript anytime Tony says something on the radio that he thinks would make Tony look bad if he posted it on his blog.

Commenter "God, You People Are Idiots" hits the nail on the head. Tony's character goes right over everyone's head, especially those who can't laugh at themselves.

Posted by: Scott | February 27, 2008 1:38 PM | Report abuse

"Sports Bloggers = Self-important dopes who spend more time with their site-meter than self-reflection.

TK = A guy playing a character who's self-important and who, by this remove, engenders self-reflection.

If you don't get it, don't listen. Unless, of course, you're listening, just waiting, even, for your crappy little blog to be "plugged.""

If you don't like the opinions in the blog, don't read it.

Posted by: scruffz | February 29, 2008 4:35 PM | Report abuse

The only thing blogging has really done is shown us how stupid this country really is. "God, you people are idiots" said it best.

"don't criticize what you can't understand" - Dylan

Posted by: Idiots | April 16, 2008 2:49 PM | Report abuse

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