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DeShawn Appears to be Popular in Cleveland

Why do I continue to mildly defend the indefensible tomfoolery that has threatened to torpedo yet another Wizards season while turning the entire country against this team? I'm not really sure. I still find them likable, somehow, and anyways, everyone else has already piled on, with reporters even looking for smack where it doesn't exist.

Homer McFanboy is with me here, urging them to wear Bullets jerseys and come out to the music of Nikolai Volkoff: "Maybe the Wiz are better off openly embracing the role of the villain. I mean, they're already down three games to one and nobody outside of the beltway is rooting for them. So go with it."

Here goes.

Akron columnist: Cavs Need to Take Out the Garbage

It has gotten old, all of this off-the-court stuff about music and comments and gestures.

So get ready for another column about it.

There has been ridicule, back-and-forth junk, a throat-slash gesture and petty silliness.

In this series, sure. In this year, though, let's make it "two throat-slash gestures."

Much, much more has come from the Wizards than from the Cavs, but Cavs' fans aren't innocent.

The Cavs themselves, though, are as pure as a late February parking lot snow. Um, besides that whole Jay-Z thing.

To paraphrase former Sen. Lloyd Bentsen, we've watched LeBron James, we've seen LeBron James. DeShawn Stevenson is no LeBron James.

The question was never whether DeShawn was as good as LeBron. You'd have to be wayyyyy nuttier than DeShawn to make that argument. It was whether LeBron is as good as LeBron's reputation. I'd tend to say yes, he is, but it serves no purpose to obscure the original comment.

The Wizards have done something foolish in three of the four games in the series. They lost all three -- and won the one game when they concentrated on basketball. Think it's a coincidence?

The Wizards won the one game where Caron Butler shaved "Tough Juice" into his head, Nick Young got a fade, Stevenson and Andray Blatche showed up with mohawks and Soulja Boy danced in the aisles. Think it's a coincidence?

It was fun for a while to talk about the back-and-forth chatter. Fun to talk about, fun to write about. Now it has gone on long enough. On Tuesday, two kids were shot and killed at a school in northeast Washington. Tornadoes destroyed homes in Virginia. Bombs went off in Iraq. That's real, not the garbage that has been tossed about in this series.

No argument here. Although I might make the claim that even had these players all kept their mouths shut, pulled up their shorts, erased their tattoos, shaved off their mohawks, started listening to Stravinsky and shot their free throws under-handed, Iraq and tornadoes and school killings would remain more important than a first-round NBA playoff series. By a little, anyhow.

The Cavs can do themselves and the rest of the world a large favor tonight.

Er, drat. I thought we just agreed that, in the grand scheme, this series matters not to the rest of the world? No?

Cleveland columnist: Fierce Wizards a Joke That Just Keeps Us Laughing

When the Black Knight loses his left arm in a sword fight with King Arthur in "Monty Python and the Holy Grail," he says, "'Tis but a scratch." And when his right is lopped off, he says, "Just a flesh wound." When the left leg goes, he proclaims, "I'm invincible."

"What are you going to do?" says the King. "Bleed on me?"

The Black Knight is black-bearded Washington Wizards guard DeShawn Stevenson. I believe we all know who King Arthur is in this first-round series. (Hint: His license plate reads, abbreviating his home town, "King of Ak.")

It's actually an apt metaphor. DeShawn Stevenson does, in some way, remind one of the Black Knight. As for Python's Arthur, he refers to himself in the third person, has a lackey make fake horse noises whilst he clomps about, stages a grandiose battle against a rabbit and attempts to convince everyone in sight that he is a king.

"I didn't know we had a king," says one woman, unfamiliar with this mighty leader. "I thought we were an autonomous collective."

Like I said, fairly apt.

By Dan Steinberg  |  April 30, 2008; 11:04 AM ET
Categories:  Wizards  
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