DeShawn Is: Accessory Man
The 2007-2008 DeShawn Stevenson style encyclopedia already has several odd chapters, from the '80s-themed costume party to the ZZ Top beard-growing contest to the customized bathrobe to the jersey-on-his-back tattoo.
One notable absence, though, was the creation of an alter-ego named Accessory Man who would appear at Wizards practices in costume. Well, until last week anyhow.
"You know, sometimes practice can get dry," Brendan Haywood told me last week. "Seventy-seven, 80 games in, sometimes it gets dry. He tries to come in spice it up, be somebody different every day, come in talking a little junk. He was Mutumbo one day, he was Rasheed Wallace one day. No telling who he'll be the next day."
Wait, DeShawn Stevenson attended Wizards practice dressed like Rasheed Wallace? In what way, exactly?
"Had a headband on, cussing, acting wild," Stevenson explained. "I played the whole time like that in practice."
And Mutombo? Pardon the thought, but DeShawn Stevenson doesn't exactly play a similar game to Dikembe Mutombo.
"He doesn't play a similar game to Rasheed Wallace either," Antonio Daniels pointed out, when discussing Mutombo Day. "He just dresses like him, with the double arm bands, double leg bands. He says he's the Accessory Man now."
"He was just playing real hard, he was running around with the pads and everything on," Caron Butler said.
And yeah, he also wagged his finger like Mutombo. But not exactly like Mutombo.
"He does his finger wave right after he scores on offense," Haywood said, "because he doesn't block that many shots."
This is the point where normally I'd attempt to explain the actual facts of the matter, but jeez, I couldn't begin to guess what they are. Last week Stevenson apparently asked equipment manager Rob Suller for a bunch of Wizards practice jerseys bearing the numbers of non-Wizards players. He wore 55 on Monday, with all those pads, and followed it up with a 30, a headband and a temper on Tuesday. At this morning's shootaround, he busted out the 42, along with the Jerry Stackhouse-style elbow pads. Stevenson insisted that his gimmick wasn't merely about the accessories; that he actually tries to get "in character" and fill the role accurately.
"He couldn't play in no movie I was producing, but he's decent," Haywood allowed.
"He does a good Rasheed Wallace," Daniels said.
"He's a different dude, man," Butler said of Stevenson, which is possibly the only sentence here that makes any sense at all.
As for future costumes, Butler was lobbying for a Ben Wallace Day, with Stevenson in afro wig and headband. Stevenson said he was considering a Kobe Bryant Day, in which he'd "cuss everybody out, tell 'em to pass me the ball so I can go one on one."
Um, ok. But why?
"I'm just goofy, man," Stevenson said. "Sometimes you need a laugh. Can't be serious all the time. We have enough serious people: we've got Caron, we've got 'Twan. So me and Gilbert, we take care of the fun."
(And you're wondering if Stevenson has a customized "Accessory Man" robe yet? "No," he said. "That'd be kind of hot, though."
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