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Radio Fatties Take on the Mystics

Have you been following the Elliot in the Morning vs. Mystics feud? Inspired by an interview with Todd "Andy Roddick Beat Me With a Frying Pan" Gallagher, Elliot in the Morning and DC101 friends challenged the Mystics to a basketball game, and one was scheduled for this morning at Comcast Center.

Alana Beard couldn't play, since she's in Poland, but she managed to rip the radio guys in advance, blogging that "This all came about because some fat, out of shape, always the last to get picked as a child, wanna-be basketball players claimed one morning on their talk show that they could beat any women's professional basketball team in a game!!!"

I had to bail in favor of Wiz shootaround, but you can see game photos here. Mike Wise turned out to be the game's color analyst; his recap appears below.

The Mystics showed up to Comcast Center as if they had just come off a 10-day road trip -- to Guam. They couldn't believe their coach, Tree Rollins, and the organization would actually encourage them to play inferior physical specimens--mostly short males--from a morning radio show. If they could have said something collectively, it would sound like this:

This is what we have to do to sell and market the franchise? What's Sheila Johnson going to make us do next, post-up Bobby Riggs? Aren't we past this?

It's up for debate whether the event set women's sports back or forward 10 years.

On one hand, an ultra-popular morning show is hyping the WNBA. And, well, men are now playing against women to validate their athleticism.

On the other hand, if you played for a respectable American college women's program and were drafted by a professional team -- and there was even a thought in anyone's head you couldn't school a radio host, male or female -- well, how much progress have we made since Jesse Owens raced a horse for cash?

After Brett Haber e-mailed me and asked me to announce the game with him (after Fox 5's Dave Feldman and every other media person in town turned him down because a pre-game show has never started at 7:30 a.m. in the history of alleged sports ), I showed up about 7:20 a.m.

A smattering of people -- maybe a couple hundred or so -- actually got up and took seats in the upper portion of the arena because Maryland didn't feel it was worth it to pull out the lower stands. It was like a Final Four, where fans are 30 and 40 yards from the court. Why this happened is unclear; maybe they wanted to ensure no one got too close to the "celebrities."

At one point I said, "Welcome to the House that Gary Williams Built -- and Brenda Frese keeps up."

We eviscerated everyone at DC101. "The Elliot in the Morning Show is now down by 40," Haber said.

And I added: "You get the feeling Ruth Buzzi and Maude could suit up for the Mystics and Elliot's crew would still be in trouble? They have a player whose middle name is Hardwick. Hardwick!"

The final was Mystics 83, DC101 23. Believe it or not, Tree Rollins set a 100-point victory as the goal and not reaching it met many of the Mystics had to run lines at the next practice. There was one pulled hamstring to report by a Mystics player but nothing career-ending -- except perhaps the broadcasting careers of Haber and I.

Nothing was off limits, including co-host Diane Stupar Hughes' measurements, which the married mom of a three-year-old girl had fun with on air. Elliot actually hit a prayer of a shot, on a sweet feed from Patrick "D-3" Lee, who might be the only player to ever boast he played Division III. At York, no less. Hey, the kid meant well.

Alana Beard was in Poland playing professionally, but we kept alluding to the fact that she was listening via broadband streaming radio in Warsaw. We have no way to verify this and I believe we made it up. Many of the big-time Mystics were not there, so it was kind of like the Globetrotters sending Twiggy Sanders instead of Meadowlark Lemon.

Nikki Blue, Meg Bulger (sister of NFL QB Marc), Kalika France and Amber Jacobs all got a decent run, and Rita Williams and Elliot were going at it for a while, until Elliot grabbed the guard and wrapped her up out of frustration, which got him a foul and a restraining order. I voted Sarah-Jo Lawrence of GW the MVP because, well, I don't know. She hit a couple nice jumpers and, I figured, it's GW, why not?

Ralph Friedgen pumped his Maryland football spring game for Saturday at Byrd Stadium and joined the broadcast.

Forty-two ago, as a Maryland student athlete, Friedgen gave stat sheets to Adolph Rupp and Don Haskins on the Cole Field House sideline, where Texas-Western and Kentucky played the 1966 NCAA title game, the first time five African-American players stepped on a court and won the national championship.

Having been witness to history, he had to watch the DC101 Morning Crew set the game back easily 100 years. Poor Fridge.

Seriously, the Elliot in the Morning people were a riot and the Mystics were incredibly good sports. I seem to remember Tree Rollins once biting Danny Ainge at the bottom of a Celtics-Hawks scuffle during the playoffs in the 1980s. As the Elliot in The Morning players gleefully chipped paint off the Comcast Center's rims, it occurred to me how the game doesn't discriminate.

Whether you played in the NBA, the WNBA or never in your life, which was presumably most of the DC101 crew, it brings us all to our knees at some point. Luckily, for most of us we can get up tomorrow and go back to our day jobs.

By Dan Steinberg  |  April 24, 2008; 4:45 PM ET
Categories:  Mystics  
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How did Flounder do? Did he need an IV after the game?

Elliot is classy, I'm sure he was asked to foul the Mystics. And this won't change the fact that nobody will cover the Mystics. Ever.

Posted by: JDP | April 24, 2008 4:57 PM | Report abuse

Haha it was great to listen...when I had to leave for school, the score was 24-2 at the end of the 1st quarter, if I remember correctly...needless to say, I wasn't surprised when I saw the final score here.

Posted by: Doug | April 24, 2008 5:30 PM | Report abuse

Way to go, ladies! Rout those blowhards!
WNBA = superior fundamentals.

Posted by: Mason Pattrick | April 24, 2008 5:46 PM | Report abuse

Way to go, ladies! Rout those blowhards!
WNBA = superior fundamentals.

Posted by: Mason Pattrick | April 24, 2008 5:47 PM | Report abuse

Great coverage.

I must admit that, as a Mystics fan, I was a little nervous about Nikki Blue participating in this, since she'll most likely by the starting point guard, and Jillian Robbins, who has a strong opportunity to make the team as a reserve small forward. I don't want to see either of them get injured, particularly since the other players could have handled Elliot's team pretty easily.

But I guess that if they proved their point and had fun doing it, more power to them. ;)

Posted by: northernsoulfan | April 24, 2008 8:35 PM | Report abuse

Elliot is not a man. The Junkies took on the Divas and clobbered them. The could drop the mystics too. Stop listening to the fake laugh loser on 101, join the Junkies every day on 106.7

Posted by: Hyena Laugh | April 24, 2008 8:48 PM | Report abuse

Give me a break. Elliot and the class are on a different level than the junkies.

Posted by: JDP | April 24, 2008 9:17 PM | Report abuse

Those aren't even the Mystics starters, except maybe Blue. Half those girls won't even make the roster.

Posted by: pilight | April 24, 2008 9:49 PM | Report abuse

Eliot is the worst. I listened to 101 in the mornings until about the week that he started, he is terrible. "The class"? How jive can you be? The Junkies are vastly superior.

Posted by: mrlogical | April 24, 2008 11:13 PM | Report abuse

Thats why they kept hfs afloat right?

Posted by: JDP | April 25, 2008 12:40 AM | Report abuse

Ah, DC101 vs. WHFS. High school memories...

Posted by: Max Wass | April 25, 2008 2:20 AM | Report abuse

I loved wise and haber's hilarious commentary on the game. Definately made it great to listen to

Posted by: D III | April 25, 2008 7:58 AM | Report abuse

DeMatha would run the Mystics off the court.

Posted by: Sam | April 25, 2008 9:30 AM | Report abuse

WNBA sucks period. IfI want to see horses run around I'll go to Pimlico.

Posted by: Joe | April 25, 2008 9:32 AM | Report abuse

WNBA sucks period. If I want to see horses run around I'll go to Pimlico.

Posted by: Joe | April 25, 2008 9:32 AM | Report abuse

WNBA is awful basketball. If I want to see horses running around I'll go to Pimlico instead.

Posted by: Joe | April 25, 2008 9:33 AM | Report abuse

Sorry for the multiple posts, stupid internet froze up

Posted by: Joe | April 25, 2008 9:34 AM | Report abuse

Amazon woman: "But they make fun of women's basketball."
Fem-puter: "What! Did you explain how the women's good fundamentals make up for their inability to dunk?"
Amazon woman: "Yes. They still laugh."
Fem-puter: "The men must die!"

Posted by: Duffman | April 25, 2008 10:02 AM | Report abuse

What's going on with the post that Dan is covering the Wiz shootaround and Wise is covering an exhibition between the Mystics B team and some radio guys? I'm not a fan of Elliot, but can almost take that show in moderation. The Junkies are more often than naught just Maryland trash and bad radio.

Posted by: sitruc | April 25, 2008 10:15 AM | Report abuse

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