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Cooley on Fast Food, Dumb People, Roulette

Chris Cooley, having returned from his honeymoon, has launched a full-bore assault on the Internet this week, with three must-read blogs published within 16 hours. To summarize:

1) Interview with Bog reader BucktownSkinsFan on The Big Lead. Lots of football talk. Extreme disrespect to Gilbert Arenas, again repeating that he doesn't look at his blog. Then this, about the Wonderlic:

If I were a coach it would be something I would look at. One thing is for sure - it will determine exactly who the [dumb people] are. The sad thing about the Wonderlic is there is only three or four different versions of the test and guys are able to get copies to study. I missed six or sever questions on purpose so it didn't look like I was cheating. So for anyone to get less than a 15 is pretty bad.

Do I believe that Chris Cooley intentionally missed Wonderlic questions in order to make his score look acceptable to the authorities? The man is so bored in team meetings that he's colored 20 sheets of paper entirely with ink to stay alert, so yeah, I basically believe this.

2) On Shutdown Corner, Cooley launches an impassioned defense of eating fast-food crud and still being a great athlete. Hamburger-eating contests in high school, bags full of hour-old cheeseburger binges in college, and this, from the day of a key late-season game against the Rams in 2005:

The Ritz Carlton in St. Louis has the most unbelievable bacon I've ever tasted. Not only did I love the bacon, everyone on the team was blown away by the taste. Three or four of us decided to forget all other foods and have a bacon-eating contest. I won with 39 pieces and was was sick on the floor for the next hour in the visitor locker room. We tried to keep up with the contest, but no other bacon was up to par with St. Louis.

He, of course, had a great game against the Rams, leading to the conclusion that "There is something deep down inside of a great athlete that just wont let them quit or give up. That something is so much more important than what they eat." So yeah, feel free to have that extra slice of pizza for lunch.

3) On his personal blog, Cooley recounts his three-book honeymoon, complete with a gambling story:

If anyone wants any lucky advice, we played the same twelve numbers every time. 3, 5, 7, 11, 17, 20, 21, 23, 28, 33, 34 and then combined the 10-13. There is part of our life behind every one of the numbers and Christy and I spent about an hour deciding on the perfect ones. It might seem a little boring to keep the same bets, but in one stretch we won 8 times in a row.

No, Chris. No, no, no. Everyone knows: when you're playing roulette, you put everything on black, every time, until you either have enough to buy a new house or are bankrupt. Trust me, it's incredible fun. But it's nice to see he's betting on Hollenbach, Brennan and Campbell. No Collins. Interesting.

4) Speaking not of Cooley but of gambling, Ivan Carter is bragging about never hitting on 15? 15??????? And I work with this guy? If he ever sat next to me at a table, I would immediately open up a WaPo grievance against the guy.

By Dan Steinberg  |  June 4, 2008; 12:01 PM ET
Categories:  Redskins  
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Next: Caps: "Double Trouble"


I dont think Cooley was disrespectful at all about his thoughts on Gilberts blog.

He said he wanted to expand his own ideas and do his own thing

Posted by: Dwight Howard has 20/20 vision | June 4, 2008 12:41 PM | Report abuse

Thanks for the shout out, Steinz. I will always remember that post because of the GLARING omission of one Mike "Gravy Boat" Sellers.

To his credit, Skin Patrol was quick to admit his oversight and accept all of the blame for it. I think he should be done with his self-imposed 5000th lashing sometime next month.

Posted by: BucktownSkinsFan | June 4, 2008 1:43 PM | Report abuse

"...there is only three or four different versions..." I guess even [smart people] stink at grammar.

Posted by: RH | June 4, 2008 2:06 PM | Report abuse

Can't believe Carter never hits on 15 (insert R. Kelly joke here). I was going to write this on his blog, but those comments numbed my brain about halfway through.

NBA draft talk < NFL draft talk < MLB Draft talk

Posted by: Bill Fitzgerald | June 4, 2008 8:14 PM | Report abuse

You gave him a cheese cutter? XD

Posted by: JJ | June 4, 2008 11:37 PM | Report abuse

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