New D.C. Athlete Has a Kournikova Feud
As you obviously know, Justin Gimelstob is one of the cornerstones of our new and oddly named World Team Tennis franchise--the Washington Kastles--and he's be on a whirlwind D.C. media tour this week. Each appearance would seem to be closely tied to the interests of the media member in question. For example, he played tennis against some bookish media types. He discussed blogs with me. (More on that later; yeah, two tennis posts in one day.) And when he went on the Junkies this morning, he talked about--what else?--the female figure.
Early on, it was Brooke Mueller, the new wife of Charlie Sheen, with whom Gimelstob said he was previously "friendly. Biblically friendly. I don't think I was the only one," he added.
There were vague references to other conquests, but his most interesting remarks were reserved for Anna Kournikova, whose St. Louis Aces will face the Kastles in a late July grudge match that will surely be uglier than any World Team Tennis grudge match this town has known. Seriously, if you thought DeShawn-LeBron was ugly, just wait for Gimelstob-Kournikova.
"She's a [bleep]," Gimelstob said of Anna, using a word that rhymes with "kitsch. "We're gonna kick her [bleep]," he added, using a word that almost rhymes with "kastle."
Well then. Will he talk junk to her on the court?
"One hundred percent," he said. "If she's not crying by the time she walks off that court, then I did not do my job."
So it's pure hate then?
"Hate's a very strong word," he said. "I just despise her to the maximum level, right below hate. I think she falls into the Marcelo Rios 'Scumbag' category....And this whole bluff about her retiring because of her back? She had the yips on her serve, she can't get her serve on the court. Wait until you see on July 23, she's gonna be serving 40 miles an hour and I'm gonna be just plugging it down her throat....We do exhibitions together and I'll mock her, and make fun of her. I'll just make her know that she's stupid....I'm sure she'll rue the day that she has to come here and actually share space with me."
The Junkies asked whether she knows that they'll be facing each other; "probably," Gimelstob said. "She might not even be smart enough to read the schedule."
They asked if he would serve at her head; "No, I'm gonna just serve it right into the body, about 128, right into the midriff," he said.
And they asked what would happen if Kournikova made a move on Gimelstob. You know, a Biblical move.
"Definitely not," he said. "I have no attraction to her, because she's such a douche....I really have no interest in her. I wouldn't mind having my younger brother, who's kind of a stud, nail her and then reap the benefits of that."
Later, he was asked to assess the top 20 players in the WTA rankings; he called Tatiana Golovin "a sexpot," Nicole Vaidisova "a well-developed young lady," and Alize Cornet "a little sexpot."
And before signing off after an hour of Junkies talk, which, to be fair, wasn't all of this variety, Gimelstob offered some reflection.
"I guarantee you when I get off this I'll have three messages from my uncle who lives in Annapolis," he said. "He will not talk to me. Now he'll call my dad, HE won't talk to me. This will be World War III again. So I'll have a two-week hiatus from my family....Just so you know, to help you guys boost your already incredible ratings--which is great to hear--my family will not talk to me after this, nor probably my agent."
So, uh, anyhow, get your Kastles tickets now! Home opener July 8, world-ending Kournikova showdown July 23, all matches at 11th and H, Jay-Z diss tracks not included.
The comments to this entry are closed.