Redskins Football Has Returned
Welcome back, football. We've missed you. We've missed your muddy scent, the charred and bloody nourishment you provide, the sight of your curves, pale and blurry this month, gradually becoming both more distinct and dreamier as you peak around summer's corner.
"The return of football, to me, means the return of life," The Mayor said, shortly after the President of the DTC welcomed back football with a ceremonial traffic cone beer bong. "What else is there besides Redskins football and tailgating? It means I'm born again, baby."
More poetry? Coming right up.
"My hobby IS tailgating," said the President, pictured above. "I love the Redskins, but my hobby is tailgating. The Redskins are the only thing I get to flex my talent on, my talent for tailgating."
"The players need practice; so do the fans," the Mayor said.
And they weren't the only ones waxing rhapsodic about this game.
"Oh, it means everything to us," Jason Elliott of West Virginia said of football's early-morning return, sneaking back into our lives before some of us were out of bed.
"It's football, I don't know why it means it, it's just football," agreed his friend, Dusty Hogbin. "I don't know how to explain that. C'mon brother. It's training camp. Look around."
Indeed. Look around.
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