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Gilbert on the Street Corner



Having already sampled artisanal yak cheese this afternoon, I decided to go visit the boxing venue for the first time, because nothing pairs with artisanal yak cheese like bleeding Eastern Europeans. But before I could make it from the subway station to the gymnasium, I saw a newsstand selling about 26 different NBA magazines. About four of them featured an image of or reference to Gilbert Arenas on the cover, so I figured I'd better have a look.

(While Gilbert was the obvious focus for a D.C.-related Smog, the number of Kobe Bryant references and homages was truly stunning. One mag after another, filled with glorious images of Kobe on page after page. It's just a stunning quantity of Kobe in this town.)

I left the newsstand with four Gilbert-related magazines, which cost me a total of about $8. One turned out to contain a pull-out poster of a dunking Caron Butler. Another had images of Soulja Boy from Game 3 of the Wizards-Cavs series. Send in your "please bring me back a copy please please please!" messages at your leisure.

And luckily, our translator Liu Liu was around to offer some thoughts on the Gilbert stories. If any Mandarin speakers would like to offer further translations, be my guest. Liu Liu isn't much of a sports fan, but here's what she came up with.

The cover above is called "Putting the Ball in the Basket," with the rest of the cover type reading "Four-Day Three-Nights China Tour. He was in Shanghai for an event and in Beijing to cut the ribbon. Stern hopes you never find out the inside story, but on page 88, Special Agent, Special Strategy." That's also the name of the story, incidentally, which appears below. And with that teaser, what I wouldn't give for a full translation.






I know others have already gone down this path during the Olympics, but man, you think back to those lunatics at the Wizznutzz, and how they came up with a bloggy nickname that led to a Chinese magazine story called "Special Agent, Special Strategy," and it just makes you love the world so hard your arteries might burst.

Here's your second Gilbert cover, on a shoe-freak magazine.






The story inside is called "Agent Zero Project" in both languages, with the subhed reading "This is about the crazy plan of eight types of mysterious shoes." Or something like that. More bursting arteries.






And this one is headlined "Front Line Diary: The Bourne Identity." Now I can read English, and it says very clearly "The Gilbert Identity," but our translator assures me that the Chinese characters are exactly identical to those used for the movie "The Bourne Identity."






And two more bonus Wizards images, just for the heck of it. Hopefully this makes up for the swimming pool fiasco. Sorry 'bout that, Gil.









By Dan Steinberg  |  August 11, 2008; 3:06 PM ET
Categories:  Olympics , Wizards  
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Next: Tix Scam and Coach K on Treadmill

Comments

How the hell did Gilbert steal Morpheus' jacket?

Posted by: StetSports.com | August 11, 2008 3:27 PM | Report abuse

And beneath Morpheus' jacket, why is Gilbert sporting gymnast-sized man breasts?

Posted by: Anonymous | August 11, 2008 3:39 PM | Report abuse

Mark Spitz at the height of his narcissistic self! Maybe that's why he wasn't "invited" to the Olympics. Boo hoo!
He was a jerk in the 1970s and clearly has retained his spot on the jerk roster.

Posted by: westwomanonthecoast | August 11, 2008 3:39 PM | Report abuse

Yeah the leather jacket one is borderline creepy. But the Gilbertology one is legit.

This all is in line with Arenas' now several year old "takeover."

Posted by: JDP | August 11, 2008 3:39 PM | Report abuse

Screw the magazines, bring back Liu Liu.

Posted by: Unsilent Majority | August 11, 2008 4:17 PM | Report abuse

I sent you a message at my leisure and even offered to pay...for a magazine (freakish people who may have thought that I was referring to something else).

Posted by: Bridge | August 11, 2008 7:22 PM | Report abuse

I'VE REALLY ENJOYED WATCHING THE OLYMPIC GAMES! HAD TO MUTE THAT BIG MOUTH ANOUNCER, WHO SEEMED TO HAVE $$ ON THE FRENCH SWIM TEAM. SHAME ON YOU!!! YOU'RE AMERICAN? WAS THAT.....OUI, OUI?

Posted by: PROUD AMERICAN | August 11, 2008 10:13 PM | Report abuse

The first mag's name's more appropriate translation is "Slam", not "putting the ball in the basket". obviously Liu Liu is not a fan of basketball at all.

Posted by: Chinese Translator | August 12, 2008 3:19 AM | Report abuse

2nd: "Special Agent, Special Strategy," ? or this one "Special Agent, Special Offensive" is better?

Posted by: Chinese Translator | August 12, 2008 3:21 AM | Report abuse

Arenas is famous here because of his famous ad with addidas together with his funny blogs and big-mouths, I think. And many of those events / stories shown in those magazines are related to his addidas activities in china, so I guess they are just embedded ad, not real basket stories. "Real" fans like me, enjoy reading professional newspaper like "Basket Pioneer" and "Titan Sports". Dan, ask Liu Liu to buy those paper for ya. Those magazines? for shoe-lovers only.

Posted by: Chinese Translator | August 12, 2008 3:32 AM | Report abuse

Yo, Chinese Translator, check out Agent Steinz' Wizznutzz link if you want to learn how us Yanks really talk...

Posted by: Rob Iola | August 12, 2008 1:14 PM | Report abuse

FOR GET THE OTHERS I WANT TO SEE OR HEAR ABOUT NICK YOUNG DID NICK FIND A PLACE TO LIVE YET?

Posted by: frankie johnson | August 12, 2008 7:14 PM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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