Gilbert on the Street Corner
Having already sampled artisanal yak cheese this afternoon, I decided to go visit the boxing venue for the first time, because nothing pairs with artisanal yak cheese like bleeding Eastern Europeans. But before I could make it from the subway station to the gymnasium, I saw a newsstand selling about 26 different NBA magazines. About four of them featured an image of or reference to Gilbert Arenas on the cover, so I figured I'd better have a look.
(While Gilbert was the obvious focus for a D.C.-related Smog, the number of Kobe Bryant references and homages was truly stunning. One mag after another, filled with glorious images of Kobe on page after page. It's just a stunning quantity of Kobe in this town.)
I left the newsstand with four Gilbert-related magazines, which cost me a total of about $8. One turned out to contain a pull-out poster of a dunking Caron Butler. Another had images of Soulja Boy from Game 3 of the Wizards-Cavs series. Send in your "please bring me back a copy please please please!" messages at your leisure.
And luckily, our translator Liu Liu was around to offer some thoughts on the Gilbert stories. If any Mandarin speakers would like to offer further translations, be my guest. Liu Liu isn't much of a sports fan, but here's what she came up with.
The cover above is called "Putting the Ball in the Basket," with the rest of the cover type reading "Four-Day Three-Nights China Tour. He was in Shanghai for an event and in Beijing to cut the ribbon. Stern hopes you never find out the inside story, but on page 88, Special Agent, Special Strategy." That's also the name of the story, incidentally, which appears below. And with that teaser, what I wouldn't give for a full translation.
I know others have already gone down this path during the Olympics, but man, you think back to those lunatics at the Wizznutzz, and how they came up with a bloggy nickname that led to a Chinese magazine story called "Special Agent, Special Strategy," and it just makes you love the world so hard your arteries might burst.
Here's your second Gilbert cover, on a shoe-freak magazine.
The story inside is called "Agent Zero Project" in both languages, with the subhed reading "This is about the crazy plan of eight types of mysterious shoes." Or something like that. More bursting arteries.
And this one is headlined "Front Line Diary: The Bourne Identity." Now I can read English, and it says very clearly "The Gilbert Identity," but our translator assures me that the Chinese characters are exactly identical to those used for the movie "The Bourne Identity."
And two more bonus Wizards images, just for the heck of it. Hopefully this makes up for the swimming pool fiasco. Sorry 'bout that, Gil.
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