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DeShawn Stevenson's New Wristbands

Well, the Wizards are back. And they seem to have completely mellowed in the offseason, five months after the most entertaining playoff series in human history. Today? Boooo-riiiiiing.

Ha! Yeah right. You mean the team that has a new signee handing out his R&B album, two players with matching flat-tops, a third who's growing out a mini-fro, an injured superstar with the richest contract in franchise history who refuses to speak to the media and sneaks out through back doors, a two-time All-Star who spent media day talking about the difficulty of the Downward Dog, and the flat-out weirdest wrist bands I've ever seen in my life.

Those bands would be DeShawn Stevenson's, if that wasn't obvious, and I wasn't the only one who was baffled. (Go after the jump to see the reverse.)

"What the hell does that mean?" Brendan Haywood asked, when I showed him these photos. "I won't know what to think until I know what it means. Right now I'm just confused."

DeShawn said he put about $1,000 into these wristbands, which come in a rainbow worth of colors and include something like 10 different sayings, which DeShawn claimed he thought up himself.

"I've got crazy thinking," he said, which is a pretty succinct way to summarize the man.

(UPDATE: A commenter points out that this was ripped from Lil Wayne's "Misunderstood," which goes something like this: "The wind blow, my dreads swang; He had hair like wool, like Wayne." Not sure about the "Ughhh!!!")

DeShawn's also been memorizing a paragraph of Spanish text, which he plans to recite to the crowd in Barcelona. He wouldn't summarize the text, though.

"You'll see," he said. "You'll hear about it. It's gonna be hot."

(No German, though, despite the trip to Berlin. I asked why Spanish. "It's easier, ain't it?" he said.)

As for on-the-court matters, the Wiz are taking their typically low-key, underdog, let's-just-wait-and-see approach. No hot quotes in this locker room.


"If healthy, we're the best team in the Eastern Conference," Caron Butler said. "That's how I feel. Hands down, we're the best team in the Eastern Conference if healthy."

"Big claim," I said.

"Hey, I can back my words," he said. "I feel that strongly. I feel like we're the best team in the Eastern Conference. If healthy, we're the best team in the Eastern Conference....All the guys that was out there last year, we was all battling injuries. The last seven games of the season I was hampered with an injury, I was debating whether I had to have surgery or not. I was very questionable. Gilbert, same situation, his knee was ailing him. Antawn carried the load. DeShawn Stevenson was battling, I saw him come in with a cane a couple times. It was just a brutal season and we had a lot of injuries, but if we're healthy, I feel like we're the best team in the Eastern Conference."

Well, either way, welcome back. We missed you.

By Dan Steinberg  |  September 26, 2008; 2:15 PM ET
Categories:  Wizards  
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I love Caron but WOW thats quite a statement

Posted by: Anonymous | September 26, 2008 2:36 PM | Report abuse

DeShawn kinda sorta DeJacked that from a Lil Wayne song on The Carter 3, "Misunderstood."

Posted by: Smokin Al Koken | September 26, 2008 2:52 PM | Report abuse

YES! I live for the Bog during the Wiz season.

Posted by: Marie K. | September 26, 2008 3:08 PM | Report abuse

You might want to let DeShawn know that while they speak Spanish in Barcelona, the locals would appreciate it much more if he spoke Catalan which is the language of the region.

Posted by: b money | September 26, 2008 3:11 PM | Report abuse

"I've got crazy thinking,"...Poetic license granted!

Posted by: AP Ombudsman (if they had one) | September 26, 2008 3:14 PM | Report abuse

They let DeShawn play with a cane a couple times last season? I must have missed a rule change.

Posted by: Nate in the PDX | September 26, 2008 3:15 PM | Report abuse

DeShawn also DeJacked the "Ughhh!!!" from previouly mentioned Lil Wayne song. Next wrist band will say "DeShawn Pockets DeStraight" and he will also claim that he thought that up himself.

Posted by: Smokin Al Koken | September 26, 2008 3:17 PM | Report abuse

"DeShawn Stevenson was battling, I saw him come in with a cane a couple times."

Now all he needs is a top-hat and a monocle and he'd be the spitting image of Mr. Peanut.

Posted by: Neil | September 26, 2008 3:21 PM | Report abuse

So, SO glad the Wiz are back.

Posted by: JinDC | September 26, 2008 3:22 PM | Report abuse

This is racist

Posted by: Anonymous | September 26, 2008 3:56 PM | Report abuse

Unless DeShawn is guarding LeBron in the playoffs again, no one is going to remember who the hell he is.. haha.

Posted by: t2 | September 26, 2008 4:04 PM | Report abuse

Yeah DeShawn, keep ballin baby. Jay who?

Posted by: Nickels | September 26, 2008 4:48 PM | Report abuse

The fact that DeShawn has $1000 to waste on those idiotic wristbands will be Exhibit 1 in the trial against Ernie Grunfeld for overpaying DeShawn Stevenson.

What's with the triple exclamation points on those wristbands? Who designed them, Elaine Benes?!

Posted by: Anonymous | September 26, 2008 5:26 PM | Report abuse

I'm a man!!!

Posted by: Mr. Lippman's Son | September 26, 2008 6:45 PM | Report abuse

I have just checked out the Mister Irrelevant shop, and there is no "I've got crazy thinking" shirt yet. Someone should call the Mottrams and make sure they're not hurt or in trouble.

Posted by: Chest Rockwell | September 26, 2008 10:17 PM | Report abuse

DeClown had to steal all those phrases because, clearly, English isn't one of his strong suits. At least they'll be good to hand out to 14 year old girls.

Caron's got a future in stand-up comedy. Best team in the EC? Please!

Posted by: Anonymous | September 27, 2008 10:06 AM | Report abuse

I think he should have gone someplace like the for better wristbands. He could have put his picture on it or SOMETHING.

Posted by: Steve | September 27, 2008 12:31 PM | Report abuse

damn im embarrassed to say that deshawn stevenson is from where im from

Posted by: fresno | September 27, 2008 1:31 PM | Report abuse

Those wristbands are kinda crazy...don't make much sense for those of us who don't listen to that kind of music...he's so talented and mad at the same time it's scary!!!

Posted by: Julien | September 29, 2008 5:59 AM | Report abuse

Unless DeShawn is guarding LeBron in the playoffs again, no one is going to remember who the hell he is

Posted by: t2 | September 26, 2008 4:04 PM

Deshawn has started 256 games in a row.
Do you even watch basketball???

Posted by: prescrunk | September 30, 2008 3:40 PM | Report abuse

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