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Gilbert's Engagement Story


Happy engagement photo, happily yanked from Gilbert's blog.

As of last week, basically all the world knew about Gilbert Arenas's recent engagement could be summed up in three words: Gilbert got engaged. The possibilities boggled the mind.

Now, the full engagement story comes out, and as you might have guessed, it involves a convoluted surprise party, white lie upon white lie, plane trips to and from Miami, a proposed meeting with Barack Obama, a visit from Mos Def, ice sculptures, a moon bounce, the touching revelation that Gilbert's "done kicked her out of my house almost every weekend, yet she's still here and she still believes in me," several flavored ring pops, and a high school-style note which his bride-to-be had to read out loud. Picking things up from his epic blog entry on this topic, which is more entertaining than a Sarah Palin's foreign policy statement:

So she goes, "WILL YOU MARRY ME?" out loud so everybody could hear her. It worked. It turns out she ended up asking me to marry her.

I was like, "Oh my God!!!" and started screaming like the girl who gets asked normally does. "I can't believe you asked me!!!! Of course I will!!! Oh my God, it's been six long years, what took you so long???!!!??? Oh my God!!! This is unbelievable!!!!"

Sort of like the engagement famously chronicled in The Post's magazine earlier this month. Except for every single thing that happened. There are also tales of food poisoning and baby sitting, a ridiculous excuse for why he couldn't talk to the media on media day, a pledge not to sit on the Verizon Center bench until he's healthy, an in-depth argument on the merits of using first names rather than last names, and a putting-my-foot-down statement of principle regarding the length of one's engagement, which will probably disqualify Gilbert from any fiance-of-the-year awards.

The man law has been passed on by men regarding engagement and I just found out about it: You should prolong your engagement as long as you can.

I thought it was because the men were scared to get married. No. That's not it. It's because of life in the bedroom disappearing once you get married. Married men don't have that, so they figure the longer you can stay engaged, there's more love.

So, I'll probably set the wedding date for 2027. I figure by then, I'm not going to be focused on the bedroom anymore.

As Pech is my witness, I will be there to live blog via eyelid clamps, or whatever we're using by then. And I'm sure that the wedding will be overshadowed by a disagreement between Vinny Cerrato and the young cyborg filing automated burgundy-and-gold reports for Washington Post Media's brain-download updates, but whatever. And congrats, Gilbert. May your engagement never suffer a torn emotional meniscus.

By Dan Steinberg  |  September 30, 2008; 10:15 AM ET
Categories:  Wizards  
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Comments

his grotto is phat

Posted by: hmmmmm | September 30, 2008 10:55 AM | Report abuse

The man law has been passed on by men regarding engagement and I just found out about it: You should prolong your engagement as long as you can.

I thought it was because the men were scared to get married. No. That's not it. It's because of life in the bedroom disappearing once you get married. Married men don't have that, so they figure the longer you can stay engaged, there's more love.

I wish some had told me.

Posted by: Married Guy | September 30, 2008 11:18 AM | Report abuse

So true. So, so true.

Posted by: StetSports.com | September 30, 2008 11:34 AM | Report abuse

Why are the Washington Wizards investing $111 million in this ass clown? Is becoming a playoff team such a big accomplishment?

I guess the joke's on this team's fans.

I grew up watching Mitch Kupchak, Eldon Hayes, Phil Chenier, Wes Unseld and a bunch of winners on the Washington Bullets. This guy couldn't hold their jock straps.

Posted by: Bill in Md. | September 30, 2008 11:34 AM | Report abuse

Oh lighten up Bill! Gil is a lot smarter then he is given credit for. Trust me on this one. Most everyone loves his blogs and he has said some things that made a lot of sense. I betcha Ben Gordon wish he would have listened to him regarding the contract sitaution cause dude turned down 50+ million to get another mill or two and ended up with nothing.(read prior blogs) I think it was creative the way he proposed to her and they will be married within a year. Guranteed. Fortunately, from what I hear she is just as silly as he is. Congrats Gil! Get Healthy!

Posted by: Anonymous | September 30, 2008 11:46 AM | Report abuse

That Wapo article you linked do made me want to vomit. Vomitting is more manly than crying.

Poor Eli.

Posted by: Jeff V | September 30, 2008 12:33 PM | Report abuse

You're right. GIL is a lot smarter than he's given credit for. And that's the problem.

Like when he says that he didn't show up for media day because he didn't want to take away the attention from his teammates, knowing full well it would draw more attention to himself.

Gil cares about himself and no one else. It's training camp, and I'm already sick of his "look at me" crap. Looks like the team paid $111 million for an entertaining blog. What an investment.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 30, 2008 12:39 PM | Report abuse


Dammit Jeff V!

I wasn't going to click on that article....I really wasn't.

Posted by: TruthAboutIt.net | September 30, 2008 1:14 PM | Report abuse

where's the cake?

Posted by: abe polin | September 30, 2008 1:15 PM | Report abuse

Don't worry, I'm taking care of it.

-K. Brown

Posted by: StetSports.com | September 30, 2008 1:30 PM | Report abuse

That wedding article made me ill. No offense to whatsername but I was hoping Eli would cut and run at the end there.

Posted by: Davey | September 30, 2008 1:53 PM | Report abuse

She's as crazy as he is to put up with this nonsense; if she wants a "legal" commitment and hasn't gotten one in 6 years, what's the chances that she'll ever get one and why would you want someone who doesn't want you or the same things that you do? Yes they belong together...Pity they have children.

Posted by: pstacy47 | September 30, 2008 2:04 PM | Report abuse

Will Eli ever be able to live down that article? Will his friends eternally feel bad because he has such a wacko fiancee/wife, or will they eternally be making Doug Christie wisecracks?

Posted by: Anonymous | September 30, 2008 2:10 PM | Report abuse

2 years ago next month he did that 4 page article with the Post.. How they ended their 2 year relationship when he came to the Wizards..

I really think he got cornered in to being in her life because he had 2 kids with her.

Would he be saying would u marry me if he didn't have those kids.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 30, 2008 2:25 PM | Report abuse

Don't hate the player, hate the game!

HATERS!

Does it hurt that bad to congratulate someone! Jeeze!

Posted by: Anonymous | September 30, 2008 2:32 PM | Report abuse

She got that NBA lifestyle.. That's exactly what she saw in him.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 30, 2008 2:48 PM | Report abuse

Dirty trick, Dan. I read the whole thing waiting for him to dump her. That made me wanna throw up, and I'm getting married next weekend and I'm up to my eyeballs in marital bliss.

Okay, maybe it's nerves.

Posted by: bryc3 | September 30, 2008 3:05 PM | Report abuse

Unbelievable how a woman has two children by a man who can't be a man and pop the question to her. How ridiculous this is!!

What ever happened to marriage first and building a family later?

Posted by: Anonymous | September 30, 2008 3:23 PM | Report abuse

Judge not, lest you be judged, Mr./Ms. Family Values.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 30, 2008 4:45 PM | Report abuse

I finally get the meaning of life. My parents taught me to go to college, work hard, and become independent. Boy, were they wrong!

Laura and the other NBA gold diggers have shown me the light. The real way to live the life of ease is to have two kids, hang around a man's life, and block other relationships.

The second child sealed the deal. He wouldn't have felt compelled to haul that broken relationship to VA with one child. Laura, you are one smart cookie. Gil, is immature and clueless.

For some reason, I am quite sure she has been pressing him for a ring for a long time. I really don't believe she was shocked. Gil's man law = give Laura a hush-hush ring and never set a date.

The size of the ring has nothing to do with love. Gil is a multi-millionaire. Spending thousands of dollars on a ring is not a sacrifice for a person with lots of money.

I read the Washington Post article that detailed her malicious acts towards him. I am disappointed that a man as good-natured as Gil could fall for someone who clearly wants a lifestyle.

Congratulations, Laura. You kept your eyes on the NBA prize and made it happen. Stay focused! You still have to get him down the aisle.

Posted by: quiet observer | September 30, 2008 4:55 PM | Report abuse

Where in the story is the name of the woman involved? Gil is marrying?????

Posted by: linda | September 30, 2008 5:26 PM | Report abuse

Congratulations Gilbert - wish you and your fiance the best. Get better soon.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 30, 2008 6:05 PM | Report abuse

Congrats to the happy couple.

Laura Govan's engagement story >>>> Rachel Beckman's engagement story

Posted by: Lindemann | September 30, 2008 8:21 PM | Report abuse

I agree with "Quiet Observer". My parents taught me the wrong way as well!

Laura, just continue to reproduce Gils' offspring. He will marry you after one of those babies. Just use Shawnie O'neal, Shaq's wife, as your role model :)

Posted by: Independent Woman | September 30, 2008 10:44 PM | Report abuse

3 years ago I would of loved reading this, but now hmm....

Gil has too much time on his hands

Posted by: Anonymous | October 1, 2008 1:22 PM | Report abuse

Gilbert Arenas is not worth the headache- 2007-8 scoring average, 19.4 ppg.

Not just because he skipped Media Day, or because he’s engaged. Arenas is not a winner. When’s he’s physically-sound, the Wizards don’t share the basketball as Coach Eddie Jordan’s Princeton offense dictates. He’s not much on defense, which is crucial at the off guard position. Arenas, for all he does for the community, especially children, has a lot of extracurricular distractions- the kind that stem from being a sports star in The Nation’s Capital. Press obligations, lavish parties, just being the player Washingtonian’s have dubbed “Agent Zero”. None of this has led to leadership. By example, Antawn Jamison has assumed that role, and Caron Butler was very supportive last season. Shooting guards are a dime a dozen in the NBA, and if The Wiz seek to contest the Cleveland’s, Boston’s and Orlando’s in the NBA East, Gilbert is indeed a big zero- especially for the price.

Posted by: Anonymous | October 2, 2008 10:48 AM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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