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Quotes From Cerrato's Radio Debut

Loves Jasno, buxom blondes. (TWP file photo by John McDonnell)

"Good morning everybody, I'm George Michael," George Michael said around 10:04 this morning. "Now, from the deepest corners of Redskins Park, behind all those secret meeting rooms, behind the 'Do Not Enter Under Fear of Death' room, ESPN 980 presents 'Inside the Red Zone'...with Vice President of Football Vinny Cerrato.

"EXECUTIVE vice president," Vinny Cerrato said.

No, I'm serious. Really.

I tried to listen to the debut of 'Inside the Red Zone,' a fitting coda to this Week of 980, but I had certain problems. For one thing, there was one passenger in my car who wouldn't stop screaming and sobbing uncontrollably at being forced to listen to "Inside the Red Zone" instead of "The Best of Elmo." But enough about me....

No, seriously, my 18-month old daughter was totally not into the Cerrato show (although she also hates Pollin and Czaban), and I only got to listen to about the first five minutes, which was enough to catch George Michael talking about buxom blondes and refer to inside jokes from Redskins Insider. Which, while great publicity for us (thanks, George), was about enough to chase me out of my car and into the warm sunshine, far from both the 'Do Not Enter Under Fear of Death' room and the schlub room. Wonder if they both get the same number of Baconators.

Oh, and was there ever any doubt that the first day of "Inside the Red Zone with Vinny Cerrato" would feature a guest appearance by Chris Berman, with an aside about how the emergence of Eddie Royal was great news for broadcasters who are fond of inserting pet nicknames inside players' names? That's great radio right there. I tuned in midway through the Berman interview, so I'm guessing I missed the part where they compared the production of Eddie Royal and Devin Thomas.

In case your live streaming capabilities are limited, a rough transcript, picking up with Cerrato correcting Michael on his glorious title.

Cerrato: EXECUTIVE vice president.

Michael: I don't care. Tell Dan Snyder, he'll get you a raise. With the EXECUTIVE vice president of football, Vinny Cerrato, to answer the pressing question of the day: why in the world are you doing a RADIO show?

Cerrato: It was to get King George back.

Michael: Why are you doing this?

Cerrato: I'll tell you what, George, last week Bruce Gilbert and Mark Shapiro came up to me and said they had a great idea. They said that they wanted me to do a radio show and interact with the fans, give the fans more insight, give them more access to the Redskins. So I thought about it and everything, and I said you know what....Because George, let me just say this: if i would have not had the time, if there was things that I couldn't do or couldn't get done, I wouldn't have done it. if there was anything that was gonna interfere with my Redskins work, would not have done it. Would not have done it at all.

But I do have the time right now, and I thought that George, you know what, we give the fans a chance, we talk to the fans, let them call in and let 'em hear from me. And then they get first hand, they don't have to read it, they don't have to hear it from others, they hear it right from the Redskins.

Michael: But if you would talk to "Jasno from the Schlub Room," you'd see that you wouldn't have to do a radio show. [Riotous laughter ripples from inside the 'Do Not Enter Under Fear of Death' room.] This is all right. I accept that, I accept it and I think it's a good idea.

[It makes me feel marginally better that, after such a rigorous cross-examination, an esteemed media member and check casher like George Michael has decided that this show meets the objective "good idea" criteria. - ed.]......

Michael: I'll give you a bunch of things that I think people want to hear about. One is Jim Zorn, coming of age if you will in the second half of last week's game, Jason Campbell had his best game ever after getting booed off the field, Clinton Portis challenged the offensive line, challenged the coach. And on that subject, on Clinton saying, "You know, I daydream of running behind better schemes, of running behind a better line," Vinny, that sounds to me like I say to Pat Lackman, my wife Pat, "I really love you, but I'm fantasizing about that buxom blonde down the road, that I'd really like to shack up with her for a while.

Cerrato: Yeah, but you know what George, I think this, I think that we were, it was after, you know, we had those 10 days after the Giants game, so, I mean, everybody's frustrated, and I'm walking off the field with Clinton and he says, "Man, the media is, we've only played one game, they're killing us, they're already wanting to, you know, 'Things are wrong, we need to do this and all that.' " He says, "They just need to chill out a little bit and let us play." So I think that he was probably a little frustrated, but I don't think, like he told me, he says, "You know the writer didn't get it all, you know, all...."

Michael: No, no, no, no, no, no. Vinny, I don't buy that. C'mon now, c'mon now, we ain't gonna accept "the writer didn't get it all," we're not gonna blame the media, because hey, if I say I'm digging that buxom blonde down the street, Lackman's gonna first castrate me and then secondly i can't....

[I have no idea what else he was saying or trying to say or attempting to convey here - ed.]

Cerrato: All right, he was fantasizing George. You know, but the the thing about it, I think you listen to the rest of it and all that, and he loves being a Redskin and he come out and he had 98 yards, the o line played great and let's move on.

Michael: Why'd it take so long for Jason, he picked himself up after getting sacked in the fourth quarter, the boos were cascading down and man he got up like, "I AM JASON CAMPBELL," I'm no small country boy from Louisiana, I'm now gonna kick your butt!" and he went right down the field.

Cerrato: Well, he's from Mississippi, George, but....

Michael: He deals with Doug Williams all the time, which is Louisiana.

Cerrato: Well, he lives down the street from Brett Favre, so he fishes on Brett Favre's property, by the way. But the thing about it, George, is I think we saw him come of age. He had a 114 quarterback rating in the fourth quarter. you know, he was 8 out of 9. And things looked gloom and doom at that point. He gets sacked, we're back on the 5-yard line, there's seven minutes and something to go in the game, we're 2nd and 22....

Michael: And getting booed!!!

Cerrato: And then he hits Cooley, right, and reading the New Orelans paper, Sean Payton said that play was the turning point of the game, that changed the whole game, because then we went boom boom boom methodically, hit those plays, then get Santana on the slant route then hit a couple plays and then Clinton scored the touchdown, and then great job by the defense, because they have 3rd and 1...."

And at this point my daughter said enough is enough, because we had both watched the game, and by the next Friday you don't necessarily want the previous Sunday's play-by-play, and frankly I liked it all better when they were talking about their sexual fantasies and the 'Do Not Enter Under Fear of Death' room.

By Dan Steinberg  |  September 19, 2008; 1:11 PM ET
Categories:  Media , Redskins  
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Next: Today's Top Five: Vinny, Politics and Karma


Why does this have me thinking about the Sam 'Ace' Rothstein Show in Casino?

Posted by: Kev | September 19, 2008 1:35 PM | Report abuse

George Michael is a joke. Total schill for the Redskins now.

Posted by: Seriously | September 19, 2008 1:39 PM | Report abuse

That was so awful I couldn't even finish reading this post. Dan I think your daughter saved your ears from bleeding listening to this garbage.

Posted by: Mustachio | September 19, 2008 1:57 PM | Report abuse

Now I know how Jahvid Best felt after Kevin Barnes popped him.

Posted by: Scottalius | September 19, 2008 2:19 PM | Report abuse

I really don't understand why George Michael feels he has to end a distinguished broadcasting career as Danny Snyder's carnival barker. "Step right up, folks, see Vinny Cerrato, the world's only man with NO SPINE!" Think Cowherd will start telling his D.C. listeners (both of them) to bang their monkey, a la Jim Rome?

Posted by: TMU | September 19, 2008 2:22 PM | Report abuse

Why does this a-hole need to read a New Orleans newspaper to figure out the turning point of the game?

Can't believe this d-bag is VP of Football Operations. Excuse me, EXECUTIVE VP of Football Operations. More like executive VP of teabaggery.

Posted by: thediesel | September 19, 2008 2:36 PM | Report abuse

"Because George, let me just say this: if i would have not had the time, if there was things that I couldn't do or couldn't get done, I wouldn't have done it."

It's good to know that Executive VP of Football operations is a part-time job. In season.

Jokes aside, what it means is that spinning the Redskins' fortunes is more important to the organization than improving the Redskins' fortunes.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 19, 2008 3:04 PM | Report abuse

Kev nailed it.

The show was beyond awful.

Posted by: Unsilent Majority | September 19, 2008 4:33 PM | Report abuse

George Michael has had a distinguished broadcasting career?

Posted by: Chest Rockwell | September 19, 2008 6:04 PM | Report abuse

I am so embarrassed to be a Redskins fan. Vinny Cerrato sounds dumber than George Bush..

Posted by: Rando IN LA | September 20, 2008 2:08 PM | Report abuse

I don't know what's worse, Vinny on the radio or George pretending to be impartial. Together, it's definitely unlistenable radio.

Posted by: SkinsRule | September 20, 2008 3:20 PM | Report abuse

I couldn't read all of that, but it looks like you have a smart girl.
"Seriously, my 18-month old daughter was totally not into the Cerrato show (although she also hates Pollin and Czaban)."
Now if only we could get them all of the air and have some real local sports talk and discussion in this area.

Posted by: sitruc | September 22, 2008 1:40 AM | Report abuse

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