Clinton Portis For President
Marlon Jackson, pushing the agenda.
Naturally, in this town and in this month, the Redskins would cover the FedEx Field grounds with "Vote the Redskins Ticket" yard signs, urging fans to punch their players into the Pro Bowl. And naturally, two homemade signs in the end zone would advocate CP for President, Santana Moss for Vice President and, somewhat bizarrely, Jason Campbell for Secretary of State, which isn't technically an elected position.
"It's not a recession; it's Redskin-cession," the sign read, which also was initially puzzling but made perfect sense once you realized the creators were the mother and close friend of Clinton Portis, who, the way he's playing, might as well expand his portfolio. MVP might not be enough.
"He's the only dude in the nation that can win this race," said Marlon Jackson, who described himself as Portis's "brother from another mother," as he held the signs skyward. "Barack, you need Clinton," he told us. "You need Clinton for your backup, Barack. Trust me."
"Who would be better?" asked Portis's mother, Rhonnel Hearn. "We will help people keep their houses. Everyone will have somewhere to stay. We don't bail out Wall Street and then everybody goes to the spa." (AIG execs: Clinton Portis's mom just served you!!!!)
"You know we'll fix the schools," Jackson added. "Everybody's struggling, CP's the way to go."
Before we delve into their feelings about meeting with foreign leaders absent preconditions or taxing small business with net income over $250,000, let's take a quick breather to get Portis's thoughts. Clinton?
"Hey man, you want to have a world that's off the chain...." Portis said, imaging the possibilities. "It would be OFF...I mean, it would be great. It would be great, man, but I don't think I can run this country. I would love to give you my opinion on who I think should be in office, but I'll leave it alone."
His family members were less reticent, although they acknowledged that Portis isn't technically old enough to claim the White House, if you're a strict constructionist.
"We got to wait 'till we finish the Redskins season first," Jackson said. Maybe by then, the Redskin-cession will have ended.
The Portis family and friends.
By
Dan Steinberg
|
October 19, 2008; 10:07 PM ET
Categories:
Redskins
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Posted by: Joe 12 Pack | October 19, 2008 11:13 PM | Report abuse
I'm surprised most redskins fans chose clinton portis as the game mvp; what happens to london fletcher. Thats my mvp.
Posted by: Abi | October 20, 2008 1:44 AM | Report abuse
Who seriously is going to listen to "that one?"
- B. Mitchell
Posted by: StetSports.com | October 20, 2008 9:12 AM | Report abuse
Clinton for President!
Posted by: Anonymous | October 20, 2008 10:59 AM | Report abuse
Portis for President in 2016. I believe he'll be 35 by that time. :-)
OR, let's get cracking on a Constitutional amendment, people! We'll get Clinton going in 2012, Barack or McCain will step aside gracefully, and Hillary will challenge Portis in the first ever Clinton vs. Clinton battle for the White House.
Posted by: Anonymous | October 20, 2008 1:07 PM | Report abuse
If CP becomes president, then everyone's pockets will be straight.
Posted by: CP 2016 | October 20, 2008 4:54 PM | Report abuse
The comments to this entry are closed.
All Portis needs to do is tag Captain Smoot for secretary of the navy and he has got my vote. Plus if at any point he guided the sex boat into international waters then BAM more international experience than a certain VP candidate.