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I'm Sorry, Detroit


I went to a football game in Detroit and a Nats game broke out!


Sportswriters don't root for one NFL team over another. We're winning percentage agnostic. But man, you had to feel for Detroit this morning. Crumbling economy, horrific college football team, winless NFL team, thousands of empty seats, local blackouts, all in the Turin of the upper Midwest?

The local newspapers this morning were infinite sadness, in black and white. Fine, there were colors too, but that doesn't sound as good. Thirteen reasons I feel sorry for Detroiters today:

1) The two highest-rated passing performances of Jason Campbell's career have both come against the Lions. Six of the seven quarterbacks the Lions have faced this year have had career-best days against Detroit.


2) A1 lede story in The Detroit News? A huge photo of the jail cell that former mayor Kwame Kilpatrick will move into tomorrow. A1 lede story of the Detroit Free Press? "Workers fear worst could get even worse." Inside are tips for what to do if you're worried you're about to get laid off.

3) The Lions have only played seven games, and yet the front of the Freep sports section has a graphic on the race to next year's No. 1 overall draft pick. "Despite the loss, the Lions remain a half-game behind Cincinnati," it says.

4) From The Redskins Blog: "When the game ends with another loss for [Detroit], the stadium P.A. plays John Mayer's Waiting on the World to Change, which is about as depressing a sentiment in this situation as I can imagine."

5) One Lions fan, Myles Hoffert, wore a flying pig on his head. Because, you know, that's when the Lions will finally win a game.

6) Feeling sorry for Detroiters, I went to one of the local casinos last night, hoping to donate some of my money to the local economy. But I was stymied, because I had my computer bag with me, and that's apparently a no-no. There was a coat check, but it said "Closed for Season." Which season, autumn? Is is gauche to check your bag in the fall? I literally told the security person, "I'm trying to give you my money!!!" She didn't care. Only in Detroit do the casinos reject your money.

7) "Asked about the halftime speech, Redskins cornerback Carlos Rogers insisted the message was simple. "Just protect the ball and settle down," Rogers said, "and not to play on these guys' level." As
John Niyo noted
, "ouch."

8) Going back to last year, Detroit is in the midst of a 1-14 stretch. This is the third time they've gone through 1-14 stretches this decade.

9) "Believe it or not, snow is right around the corner."

10) Freep columnist Drew Sharp was left debating himself about whether there's a better chance the Wolverines will finish 2-10 or the Lions 0-16. He also wrote the Lions are "slipping into an abyss from which there is no escape," and that the only reason Lions Coach Rod Marinelli's job is safe is because none of his assistants are worthy of a promotion. Someone airlift some Xanax or something.

11) The jerseys on display at the merchandise booth included Drew Stanton, Calvin Johnson, Jon Kitna, Ernie Sims and Kevin Smith. Two of those five guys don't even play. Also, the line was longer at the nearby Finlandia Vodka booth.

12) "You Said It," in the Freep: "The Lions have found their identity, and their consistency has markedly improved since last year. Still, nine more in a row is a daunting task even for our Lions. We all know that they have the potential to complete this run. Believe the dream!" -- Ken Jaukkuri, Brighton.

13) The game, of course, was blacked out in Detroit. What was on instead? The Detroit News's Bob Wojnowski reported that local Fox showed a 1999 movie called "Best Laid Plans."

Honorable mention: A linebacker saying the Lions kept Portis "in check the bulk of the game," a left tackle saying he understood why fans wouldn't pay $85 to see that, the center getting into a shouting match with a disgruntled fan, the fact that the Lions radio play by play guy said the official should "look at [a missed call] on Monday and think, 'I have failed in every sense of my job on that play,' the fact that Rams reserve DB (and former Mr. Irrelevant) Ramzee Robinson was a goat while Rerdskins reserve DB (and former Mr. Irrelevant) Mike Green was a star, the fact that Detroit is located in Detroit.

Oh, and this quote from Marinelli, when asked why he still believes wins are coming: "Because that's who I am. You are you. You're negative. Ok, so I'm going to answer you: Because I believe in what we're doing, and I'm just going to keep doing it."


A lot going on here. None of it positive.

By Dan Steinberg  |  October 27, 2008; 4:01 PM ET
Categories:  NFL , Redskins  
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Next: Morning Look: London's Calling (and Puking)

Comments

So who would win between the Lions and the Wolverines again?

Posted by: StetSportsBlog | October 27, 2008 4:19 PM | Report abuse

So who would win between the Lions and the Wolverines again?

Posted by: StetSportsBlog

Surely not Detroit.

Posted by: RyanKelly | October 27, 2008 5:38 PM | Report abuse

And by that I mean the city as a whole. Poor fans.

Posted by: RyanKelly | October 27, 2008 5:38 PM | Report abuse


Steinz,

I know it's easy to forget, being in DC, but there's a thing called the NHL and Detroit's team won their title (a little thing I like to call the Stanley Cup) last year. :>

Posted by: metatext | October 27, 2008 6:05 PM | Report abuse


Steinz,

I know it's easy to forget, being in DC, but there's a thing called the NHL and Detroit's team won their title (a little thing I like to call the Stanley Cup) last year. :>

Posted by: metatext | October 27, 2008 6:09 PM | Report abuse

I don't believe the good people of Detroit have come down from the high of winning the WNBA championship.

Posted by: inchesfromyourface | October 27, 2008 6:09 PM | Report abuse

I'm not sorry at all, Detroit can suck it. The Red Wings have been dominant for like 15 straight years. They just won the Stanley Cup in a cakewalk. Pistons, same, with a world championship in there. The Tigers made the Series two years ago. Sure their economy is pitiful and the Lions are bad; but that's a small price for having 2, often 3 major sports teams in championship contention. Sorry, but going off of recent sports success, we deserve pity from Detroit and not the other way around.

Posted by: ThisGuy | October 27, 2008 6:28 PM | Report abuse

Thank you Dan! I live in Detroit and you hit it dead on. The Detroit Lions are a complete mess, probably the biggest embarassment in pro sports. The team is a joke.

Posted by: Roman5 | October 27, 2008 8:23 PM | Report abuse

Detroit reminds me of so many other places in America, a city with a lack of leadership. If the mayor of detroit had spent more time working on re-opening factories and re-tooling them away from cars and to new tech, the city could come back.
Detroit is the example of Marxest theory that a lot of commies look at these days, once capitolism fails you got to let the people take over, give all the abandon factories to the government and the citizens and let them try and make them work, it better than letting them decay. While we are at it do it with the Lions too, there has to be 53 people in that town that could be better football players.

Posted by: alex35332 | October 28, 2008 9:01 AM | Report abuse

Dan,

Can you post the link to "what to do if you're worried you're about to get laid off."?

I'm gonna need it if/when Sen. Obama wins.

Posted by: kolbkl | October 28, 2008 11:04 AM | Report abuse

Detroit is the example of Marxest theory that a lot of commies look at these days, once capitolism fails you got to let the people take over, give all the abandon factories to the government and the citizens and let them try and make them work

Posted by: alex35332 | October 28, 2008 9:01 AM

Oh, that's rich - thank you! While you certainly are a master of social and economic theory - that's not going to help you at the Spelling Bee.

Posted by: Kev29 | October 28, 2008 11:29 AM | Report abuse

Old, old joke:

So I once won first prize in a contest - a week in Detroit.

2nd prize was 2 weeks in Detroit...

Posted by: jhorstma | October 28, 2008 11:31 AM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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