Today in Blachisms: Skunks, Oars and Rear Ends
Not to raise your expectations too much, but following Greg Blache's appearance on Comcast SportsyNet's Postgame Live last Sunday, the estimable host Chick Hernandez said this: "I'm now nominating Greg Blache as my favorite Redskins coach this decade."
Plus, Brian Mitchell couldn't stop smiling, and Kelli Johnson had to stifle laughter at least twice during what was supposed to be a somber and angry interview. As devoted as I am to Zornisms, the head coach's quips are to Blache's what mangled, bleeding, organ-spewing road kill is to a speeding H2.
The mostly full text of Blache's comments follows. And please bear in mind that this was just after his defense had allowed 274 total yards and 57 rushing yards in a road win, giving the Redskins the league's sixth-ranked defense. That would seem to indicate that they're good.
"Well you know, first of all we're not that good," Blache began. "We're a blue-collar team, and we have to recognize that. We're not going to come in and blow anybody out. We've got to focus and prepare and do the details whoever we play. If it's the Lost Sisters of the Poor, we have to focus on details. And we came in here today and made some STUPID mistakes early on, and actually played like the south end of a northbound skunk, to be quite candid.
"It's very disappointing, and even after the fact, after it's all said and done, [I'm] still quite a bit upset. You know, I just, I don't know if I have to learn a new language or some form of communicating with our guys to make them understand the importance of everybody in this League is good, and the importance of us not beating ourselves. Even on that last touchdown we have some guys just not doing exactly what they're supposed to do. Kinda sorta did it, coach, but didn't exactly. Exactly's what counts in our business. It was very disappointing."
Johnson asked something along the lines of whether his team came ready to play, and Blache started railing against holding penalties and talking about "the detail work, the pride in our work, and the detail in our work."
"The great craftsmen have great detail and great pride in it," he said. "We don't do that. We're just kind of guys with sledgehammers and pick axes right now, and to be a real good football team and to be what we want to be, we've got to be a little bit more detailed than that. And I don't care who we're playing, we've got to be able to do it because you've got to be able to win on the road. All of the wins and losses add up at the end of the year, they total them all up, and we've got to be able to win on the road. And we didn't get things done against this football team in my opinion, that I felt we should have gotten done."
Johnson asked where the defense would go from here.
"We need to go back to the drawing board," said the leader of the 6th-best defense in the NFL. "Honestly, for me, I've got to get in some people's rear ends. And it starts in the mirror. There's things I need to do a better job of, but there's things our guys have to recognize, that we, in order for us to be where we want to be, we're not there. We're not what people think we are, we're not who we think we are right now. We're probably the worst 6-2 defense in the NFL, if there is such a stat kept. I just don't think we were very good today and quite honestly, I'm embarrassed."
Johnson bravely attempted to cheer Blache up by pointing out that at least they were still winning with so many guys out hurt. Ha. Double chocolate brownies coated with Prozac frosting and wrapped in 100 dollar bills wouldn't have cheered up Blache on this day.
"In my job, nobody cares how shallow the water is, I've got to get the boat to shore," he said. "All right? I've got to get the boat to shore, and right now, I've got some guys I don't feel like they're stroking their oars as well as they should on a consistent basis, and if they're not, and I'm the guy there with the horn, then it's on my shoulders. It's on my watch. And I'm not a very happy camper today. And when I'm not happy, I can make a lot of other people unhappy, too."
Well, this oughta be a fun week of Redskins practice, then, what with the defensive coordinator in people's rear ends, helping them stroke their oars away from the south end of northbound skunks. Or whatever.
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