Today in Blachisms: Critters and Big Game
It's been a banner week for Blachisms, or rather, a week that makes normal weeks look like a sandbox in the Sahara. From his defense playing "like the south end of a northbound skunk," to his pledge to "get in some people's rear ends;" from his concern that some defenders aren't "stroking their oars as well as they should" to his worry that "we've got to wash our face, put on our makeup and comb our hair, or nobody's going to ask us out; from his assertion that "we applied for a job at Giant and couldn't get it because we couldn't sack groceries" to his description of his team as "the Confederate army going home," the "Blache said" quote marks kept coming.
Anyhow, the skunk thing really got the media members chattering, and Comcast SportsyNet's Kelli Johnson did great work yesterday in eliciting some Blachism Background. Oh, but first, Jim Zorn's take.
"He understands critters and big game," Zorn said of his D coordinator. "He's trying to create a word picture, and he's very good at it."
Indeed, critters and big game were where Blache's explanation originated.
"I do a lot of huntin' and fishin', so I hang out with some, what you guys would consider kind of country boys," he began. "And you kinda hear things around the campfire, you kinda hear things in the huntin' camp, and they kinda grow on you. And then as a kid growing up, you know, you're around your old uncles and stuff from down South, and so there were some colorful people telling colorful stories, and I think you just kind of learn to talk like the people your'e around. I've been blessed to be around some, I guess, people that have a gift of gab so to speak.
"But it does, it just kind of, stuff some of 'em just make sense to you. When you're trying to explain to people, what do people understand? Food, hunger, pain, you know, things like that. So if I'm conveying a concept, I just try to bring it to something real basic, and people recognize and can relate to. Sometimes football is something you enjoy watching, but if you try to explain it in pure football terms it gets lost, so I just try to make it kind of simple and easy to understand. Because, like I said, some of the people I enjoy the most are some of my simple huntin' and fishin' buddies, and you know exactly what they're talking about when they say it. And they'll say it sometimes with a little color and a little humor, and I just think it adds a little spice to life."
The natural follow-up concerned whether he takes pride in some of his better Blachism. Like, if I popped off on Southbound ends of Northbound skunks, there's a decent chance I would sign off, go get a grilled cheese sandwich and call it a day.
"Truly, when I walk away from here, I won't remember half the things I told you," Blache said, Blachisizing his Blachisms. "I'm dead serious. I won't remember, because so much of it is just spontaneity....And honestly, 99 percent of the time I really don't [know]. It's just a matter of it comes out and you just hope that you didn't say something that you embarrassed yourself or you embarrassed your family. And that's why for a couple of years I didn't talk, because if you're not saying anything, you can't put your foot in your mouth."
Now then, about two of his all-time classic Blachisms. The first dated from the preseason, and concerned rookie safety Chris Horton:
"Rookies are fine and dandy, and I'm glad to see them progressing, but I don't fall in love with rookies," Blache said after morning practice. "I would rather fall in love with a stripper than a rookie because they will break your heart."
"That was just a fact of life," Blache told CSN yesterday. "I had a friend of mine from years ago when I was in Green Bay who fell in love with a stripper, and he was the talk of camp when we'd go huntin' about how in the heck do you do that? Do you leave your family? And she was like 20 years younger. You go, 'Whoa!' It was just one of those things that stood out.
"But I won't ever say anything about the strippers again. I won't. I got some e-mails from the Sally Rand Society (?) and the SRA (?). It's like the strippers NRA, their own association. I got 30 e-mails....Hey, if you want to fall in love with a stripper, go for it man. I'm not stepping into that dirt again."
And concerning the skunks, from just this week:
"That's from one of my buddies in the huntin' camp," Blache said. "One of those guys was talking about the South end of a Northbound skunk, and it made total sense to me. It was like, 'OK, I can handle that. I think that's pretty good.' And at some point when I was trying to think of what we played like, it just kind of came up."
Here's to future explanations involving platypuses, potato famine, Goose-beaked Whales and the Tennessee Valley Authority.
(Many thanks to Barry Svrluga for the quotes, and to Kelli for asking the questions.)
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