Faces of Zorn II: Cry, Clinton, Cry
If it was a Monday, Jim Zorn was making funny faces at the lectern. Yesterday was a Monday. Funny faces were made. Here they are.
The highlight, clearly, was the above shot, when a reporter attempted to ask the coach about Clinton Portis's many injuries. "He's so banged up," began the reporter, "he was saying [Sunday] he had blood running down his elbows, both legs, and now he has the hip to go along with the knee." Zorn's lip began quivering. His face puckered. And, in his emotional sympathy for Portis's tenuous plight, Crying Zorn had to wipe his nose, as seen here. Joe Gibbs would have sooner introduced Joe Biden at the DNC Convention than pretend to cry over one of his player's pain.
Then Zorn tried to recover. Which led to the year's first appearance of Oh No You Didn't Zorn.
"No, you know, Clinton, I mean, he is banged up, truly," Zorn said, trying to recover but failing. "I'm not even trying to make light of...I guess I was, but he really is interesting. I told him yesterday, 'The only thing I feel bad is you did so well but you don't like to practice.' He said, 'Coach, I love to practice.' " Which resulted in the above look.
Who else appeared on Monday? Well, there was Hard-Hitting Zorn, when he was asked about Malcolm Kelly's weekend.
"Here's what he did, when the ball was thrown to him he caught it, and he was not intimidated out there," Zorn said. "in fact he did a nice job out there I think intimidating himself. Because he got a couple of retaliation shots by DBs, where he'd block them up and at the end of the play they'd come out and try to hit him again [demonstration], and he just kind of looked at those guys, he looked down at those guys, which was kind of nice, just saying, 'What are you doing?' "
And don't forget Stop Right There Zorn, when discussing a first half sack of Jason Campbell.
"[Todd Yoder] actually was gonna get help from Chris Samuels," Zorn explained. "Well, what they did was they put a linebacker inside, and Chris had to eye the linebacker [demonstration]. And then get back out on the end, and the pass set, you know, I guess I'm throwing Todd under the bus, but it wasn't a great pass set, and he was gonna get help from Chris Samuels, but the guy came around him so fast."
We also met Oh No! Zorn, who showed up when the topic of Mike Sellers's busy day came up.
"There was a couple times when really Ladell should have been in there, or Clinton should have been in there, like the screen," Zorn said. "Nobody knew I was calling the screen, and all of the sudden I called the screen, and Mike's in there, and everybody's going, "oh no, MIKE's in there!"
And for the grand finale, meet Barbarian Zorn, who arrived in time to discuss Jason Taylor and his various defensive roles.
"Each week as he's into different positions, would we like it to be a smooth seam?" Zorn asked rhetorically. "Absolutely. We'd love him to just be ripping, throwing people down [demonstration, demonstration, demonstration]. That's not the kind of player he is. We've just got to get him in a comfort zone, that's all."
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