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Post-Holiday Pith


(By Reinhold Matay - AP)


I'm so thankful for the 94 people who voted in this week's Atlantic 11 poll that I spent several hours compiling this on Thanksgiving night, even though many of these jokes--written four days ago--don't even make sense any more.

I'm also thankful that our ranked teams have gone 4-1 since Virginia's fiasco on Tuesday night, with the one loss No. 11 UMBC's narrow miss against No. 10 GW.

I'm also thankful for the joyous display of fun basketball offered by Maryland last night. They are no longer, in any way, fun to root against. Sorry, Terp haters.

I'm also thankful for editors who let me publish 2,100 words of this nonsense, for the unlimited space afforded by the lords of the Internet, and for Tofurky.

1. Georgetown

At least there's one team in the DC area that can run the Princeton offense. (Chris B)

Does anyone else think Greg Monroe looks like Greg Oden's son? Or grandson? (Jack Lambert)

Greg Monroe looks to be the Real Deal Holyfield. Like, for real, the freshman looks like he's a 49-year old man. I've heard he's Greg Oden's great-uncle (Chris Chase)

Charlie Gibson: Do you support the Monroe Doctrine? Sarah Palin: Do I support a 6-foot-11 freshman averaging 17 points per game? You betcha! (Scott Allen)

Greg Monroe is Bayou-ese for Large Man Tiny Head. (Raphael Mazzone)

They're so lucky to be able to spend Thanksgiving in Disney World. I hear they learned how to grow maize from Pocahontas. (Max Wass)

Hoyas should play nice and let the Wizards host the rest of their home games at McDonough Arena. (Matt Trogdon)

Hoyas may end up ruling this poll longer than Louis XIV ruled France. (Jamie Paquette)

At this point, voting Georgetown number one is more boring than Al Gore on Nyquil, reading from the dictionary. (Eric Holmberg)

2. Maryland

Win over Vermont was just one of the many "Greivis, no....Yes!" moments to come. (Raphael Mazzone)

Maryland's front court has more holes than the plot of an M. Night Shyamalan movie. (Jamie Paquette)

Gary Williams + Old Spice Classic = More sweat jokes than you can shake a high endurance stick of deodorant at. (Scott Allen)

Participation in Old Spice Classic fuels speculation as to whether or not there is a "New Spice." And if so, does it have eligibility left, and can it rebound? (John Albers)

The three things that remind me most of winter were scheduled to converge Thursday night -- a warm fire, a family meal, and Gary yelling at his expletive assistants about the expletive expletive son of a expletive expletive call by the expletive ref. (Markus Videnieks)

At least our basketball team didn't lose to any namby-pamby Rhodes scholars! (Gavin Weiss)

If they advance to face Georgetown in the Old Spice Championship, is Gary going to demand that they play it at the Comcast Center?

3. VCU

There are far worse things in this world than losing to Rhode Island. Like, for instance, losing to the Wizards. (Chris Chase)

In the battle of the Rams, Rhode Island proved once and for all that Eric Maynor has been at VCU for ten years. (Christopher Ring)

Rhode Island loss disrupted their wins over The Citadel and South Dakota State. Stick to schools from directional states, Rams. East Carolina next? Eh, close enough. Oh, also Eric Maynor's like 34 years old, right? [/Obligatory] (Paul Campbell)

If basketball doesn't work out for 6-foot-8 Russian forward Kirill Pishchalnikov, he may have a bright future as a Bond villain. (Sean McLernon)

Eric Maynor had a nice double-double against Rhode Island. Turnovers count, right? (Eric Holmberg)

4. Virginia

Is it too early to be talking about 36 - 0? (Christopher Ring) [Yeah, it was - ed.]

UVA beat VMI which beat Kentucky which beat Delaware State which beat Wilmington, Del. Virginia's better than a D-II school! (B Sopchak)

Sylven Landesberg is now my second favorite Landesberg, behind Steve Landesberg - whose portrayal of Detective Arthur Dietrich on "Barney Miller" remains unparallelled in television history. (Bill Fitzgerald)

Just discovered that Sylven Landesberg is not, in fact, Swedish, ruining a season's worth of pith. (John Willmott)

After much research, I am dismayed to find out that point guard Sammy Zeglinski is not related to Ray Zalinsky, the auto parts king from Chicago whose order of half a million brake pads saved Callahan Auto, a small company in Sandusky, Ohio. (Markus Videnieks)

Established themselves as an early-season conference favorite - in the Big South. (Eric Swensen)

Whenever the Cavs vote on pizza toppings, Gary Indiana native Jamil Tucker casts his vote thirty minutes after the pizza arrives. (Max Wass)

Has learned a valuable lesson about advertising for early season mid-major opponents on Craigslist. (Jarrett Carter)

The Virginia faithful have finally found a team to make them proud: Congratulations, Debbie Ryan! (Matt Trogdon)

Who beats Radford by only two points? A highly ranked team in this poll, that's who! (Matt Bonesteel)

5. Virginia Tech

No local team is better at almost beating good teams than the Hokies. (Max Wass)

Three straight wins followed by two straight losses - another proud tradition of Hokie basketball. (Bill Fitzgerald)

It's a shame Puerto Rico's leading daily newspaper scrapped its plans for a photo essay of Seth Greenberg's daughter, because the sequence of her before, during, and after Xavier's game-winning 3-pointer would've been amazing. (Scott Allen)

Currently exploring legal and financial implications of appropriating Buckhantz's 'No, Not Possible!' tagline for use in Xavier highlight package. (Rob Russell)

Dante Jackson launches from half-court as time expires...ITS GOOD, AND THE CROWD GOES CRAZ...oh wait, the place is empty. (Brian Bald)

Jeff Allen recently lost to the FT line in a game of one on one. (Tim Hanson)

6. George Mason

Another team that needed OT to beat Vermont. Fortunately for their coach, "Fire Larranaga" takes too long to type. (Matt Bonesteel)

Blah blah blah blah Gunston blah blah blah blah new mascot looks like Herman Munstor. (Jack Lambert)

Things are looking up for former mascot Gunston. He just got some part-time work, being a background player in 'Sesame Street Live: Elmo's Green Thumb'. You can catch the show when it hits up the Patriot Center 12/12 to 12/14. (Michael Palan)

A team with Gunston wouldn't have lost to Hampton. Just sayin'. [Note to 2001 Iowa State: Get yourself a big green indeterminate mascot as soon as possible!] (Paul Campbell)

Louis Birdsong during Thanksgiving week is a no-brainer. (Chris B)

How can you not root for a team who's star freshman point guard is nicknamed A-Corn? (Ol Brob)

"To say that Mason's offense started off slowly would be like saying clowns wear a little makeup." - Official CAA recap. (Chris Stratton)

Patriots lose to Hampton Pirates, beat East Carolina Pirates, have yet to face Seton Hall Pirates, Somali Pirates, Pirates of Penzance, or Johnny Depp. (Bill Fitzgerald)

After Pirate Week, scrambling to schedule Seton Hall in an effort to climb over the .500 mark against rogues and scalawags. May settle for a game against Bob Huggins' West Virginia squad. (Rob Russell)

I will continue to vote for the Patriots so long as I keep hearing the awesomely bad "Mason Nation" radio commercials. (John Willmott)

First order of business for Obama? Bringing back that "Mason Nation" radio jingle! (Christopher Ring)

7. American

The Eagles are in the middle of a stretch where they play nine of 10 games on the road. There's your tidbit for halftime of the first round NCAA tournament game, Clark Kellogg. (Sean McLernon)

In the month of December, American will play Mount St. Mary's, Georgetown, George Washington, UMBC and Maryland. Who says the Atlantic 11 needs a playoff system. (Jack Lambert)

Seemingly trying to break Globetrotters' record for consecutive road games. They need more players named "Meadowlark," though. (Matt Bonesteel)

Eagles sharpshooter Garrison Carr connects on a greater percentage of his 3-pointers than 7 out of the last 10 Redskins kickers. (Scott Allen)

At least their whipping at the hands of Oklahoma won't end up muddying the national championship picture. (Jamie Paquette)

Lost by 29 to Oklahoma. Texas Tech would do well to learn a lesson from a school that doesn't even play football. (Paul Campbell)

Guarantee game loss to Oklahoma serves as reminder that the federal government isn't the only organization handing out cash to compensate for losses. (Eric Swensen)

The Oklahoma loss won't hurt the resume. At this point, even Gil is considering taking losses for a shot at Blake Griffin. (Brian Bald)

Apparently they stopped believin' for about two hours in Norman. (John Hawkes)

Raised money for new uniforms by renting dorm room space for inauguration. (Gavin Weiss)

AU is the home of two prominent Garrisons: one is a sharp-shooting guard for the Eagles and the other has a radio show on WAMU that renders the station unlistenable on Sunday mornings. (Markus Videnieks)

8. VMI

VMI's win over Kentucky got the Keydets the most publicity they've had since those two meatheads from there got on Real World Seattle in the '90s. (Markus Videnieks)

Raise your hand if you realized it was Doo-ger Baucom, not Duh-ger Baucom, before the Kentucky game. Now put your hands down, liars. (John Willmott)

One of the few college basketball teams to frequently outscore the Oklahoma football team. (Gavin Weiss)

Thankfully the Keydets only do pushups for points scored by their football team. (Chris Fish)

They made Ashley Judd cry! How could they?! (Max Wass)

After beating Kentucky, VMI handled Maryland Bible College with a 118-72 victory. Using the final score as a clue, I found that Psalms 118:72 reads "The law of thy mouth is good to me, above thousands of gold and silver." I'm no Biblical scholar, but I'm pretty sure that's some sort of dig at Billy Gillispie. (Chris Chase)

Follows up win over Kentucky with win over Maryland Bible, which I think is in the WCAC. (Matt Bonesteel)

Defeated a Maryland Bible College team that featured players unaware that Maryland Bible College had a basketball team. (John Albers)

Maryland Bible Thumpers (David Larimer)

John Thompson II deeply impressed with VMI's start. Not because they beat Kentucky, but because they managed to find two teams - Maryland Bible and Stevenson - that may be even more obscure and beatable than St. Leo's. (Eric Swensen)

Chavis & Travis Holmes are aiming to become the highest scoring set of twins in NCAA history. That's great and all, but does one wear one sock up and one sock down while the other wears both socks up? (Brian Bald)

9. Old Dominion

Unless the ODU media guide can produce some umlauts in Gerald Lee's name, I'm not really buying that he's Finnish. (Markus Videnieks)

UAB loss just a bump on the road to another CAA tournament semifinal exit. (Matt Trogdon)

ODU players upset after realizing that going to Pittsburgh to play Duquense is their most exciting road trip of the season. (Jamie Paquette)

10. George Washington

After losing to Auburn on 11/22, GW is the first team to start preparing for conference play before Thanksgiving. EVER (Sean Perkins)

Player combo Holling-King > Run DMC neighborhood Hollis, Queens. (Michael Palan)

71-57 win over Binghamton, the alma mater of a certain orange haired sports personality. See if you ever get on Toss Up again Colonials.( Jack Lambert)

Will probably run in to new George Mason mascot when tri-corner hat shopping. (John Albers)

11. UMBC

Some call Jay Greene the best point guard in the Atlantic 11. And some call Grieves Vazquez a point guard. (Jack Lambert)

Really showed those New York rubes how to ball by winning Columbia Classic. (Matt Bonesteel)

Also Receiving Pith

Mount St. Mary's

"Jeremy Goode Named Choice Hotels Northeast Conference Player of the Week." How dare corporate sponsorship spoil the purity that is the Northeast (Jack Lambert)

Cornering the market on players named "Atupem." (John Albers)

The team has set a goal of 1 win for every African-American living in Emmittsburg (20 according to the 2000 census). (Jamie Paquette)

Mount legend Jim Phelan went into the College Basketball Hall of Fame Sunday with Billy Packer, Charles Barkley and Dick Vitale. The acceptance speeches are still going on. (Bill Fitzgerald)

They beat Loyola, but failed to send Jimmy Patsos to the stands, so it's hard to bump them up. (Paul Campbell)

Towson

Seeing that Pat Kennedy is still at Towson is like finding out that Sam Waterston is still on Law and Order. (Chris Chase)

MASN considering replacing Nats spring coverage with in-depth analysis of Towson intramural basketball. (Jamie Paquette)

Because there needs to be a sports story from Towson that doesn't contain the phrase "record-setting Olympic swimmer." (Bill Fitzgerald)

Navy

Midshipmen's triple-overtime win ranks just below Chris Stratton's graduation and Tribe head coach Tony Shaver's mustache in William & Mary's pantheon of recent heartbreaking losses. (Scott Allen)

2-1 against Atlantic 11 teams: Clearly trying to get their wins in now before their basketball budget is slashed by an Obama administration's decrease in military spending. (Paul Campbell)

Radford

Rick Watson is in his ninth year as the "Voice of the Highlanders." Would you even put that on a resume? (Jamie Paquette)

Morgan State

All the people who voted for UMBC over Morgan State last week must be feeling pretty stupid right now. That or they don't care. (Max Wass)

Howard

The fans are on the court! (Chris B)

Longwood

Note to self, do not google 'Longwood' while at work in search of pith. (Natrone Elliott)

Tim Hanson's Motley Fool Stock Tip o' the Week: Savvy investors have got to like Chipotle here. It's a fast-growing company with lots of cash on the balance sheet and high returns on invested capital. Quality companies like this are precisely what we should be buying in downturns like this one. Plus, you get to eat more burritos in the name of research. But be sure to buy the B shares (NYSE: CMG-B). They're cheaper than the A shares (NYSE: CMG) and have 10x the voting rights. (Disclosure: I and TMF own shares of Chipotle.)

By Dan Steinberg  |  November 28, 2008; 8:11 AM ET
Categories:  Atlantic 11 , College Basketball  
Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   Del.icio.us   StumbleUpon   Technorati   Google Buzz   Previous: Jason Campbell's Ugly Slides Make Zorn Embarrassed
Next: Morning Look: Zorn's Necklace

Comments

mmmmm.....pithy burritos.

Posted by: dimesmakedollars | November 28, 2008 1:50 PM | Report abuse

So with MD's loss tonight does this mean theres a consolation game of MD vs Gtown?

Posted by: JDP_ | November 28, 2008 9:20 PM | Report abuse

Yes, 5:30 p.m. Sunday, GU & UMd will play each other.... like it or not.

Posted by: evwill | November 29, 2008 9:25 AM | Report abuse

This will be strangely compelling. I wonder which team will have more supporters there.

Posted by: JDP_ | November 29, 2008 9:56 AM | Report abuse

Dogs and cats living together ... mass hysteria!

Posted by: fitzfacts | November 29, 2008 12:58 PM | Report abuse

John Thompson Jr. will be rolling over in his sausage sandwiches over the MD-G'town matchup.

Posted by: rdpinva | November 29, 2008 7:32 PM | Report abuse

You know, eating there once a week doesn't mean you "own shares in" Chipotle.

Posted by: eangevine | November 30, 2008 3:41 PM | Report abuse

That picture makes me nostalgic. You know, harkens back to the days before the Disney Demolition. Poor Vasquez-he was so innocent back then.

Posted by: SteveZissou | November 30, 2008 11:12 PM | Report abuse

Given yesterday's results, perhaps that photo should be changed.

To Vasquez's credit, he did finally manage to score....with 10 minutes left and Maryland losing by 30.

Posted by: etpietro | December 1, 2008 1:22 PM | Report abuse

No local team is better at almost beating good teams than the Hokies. (Max Wass)

...

If only that weren't true just once.

Posted by: sitruc | December 1, 2008 11:57 PM | Report abuse

"They are no longer, in any way, fun to root against. Sorry, Terp haters"

Agreed, laughing at the expense of such fragile children is cold hearted and meanspirited. Shame on the Hoyas for not playing nice on Sunday.

Posted by: ghostyghost | December 2, 2008 1:39 AM | Report abuse

Fear the Flames! Seth Curry is just getting warmed up!

Posted by: fitzfacts | December 2, 2008 8:42 AM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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